Husband's family?

Question

I am almost 35 weeks pregnant and my husband's family has not had a thing to do with me the entire time. I had my baby shower a few weeks ago and no one in his family showed up (including his own MOTHER or step mother). Now we have had the discussion (fight) about calling his family while I'm in labor. I told him I didn't want any one there but him, my parents and my best friend. Why should I have to sit there in labor with his family when they couldn't even call me to give me a lame excuse why they didn't come to the shower. I particularly don't want anything to do with them now! How do you not show up to your own grandchild's baby shower? They had four weeks notice!!!!! All this time I've been pregnant I haven't seen or heard from his family one time and we live in the same dang town!!! What do you all think of this? What should I do? I really really don't want his family there!!!

Answer 1

Pren, you are 125% right...absolutely right.
One thing that happens to some people, like me, during labor is you go into more of an animal mode and the things that come out of your mouth can be brutal even with people you love that treat you well...it just is instinct...I said words I had never said in my life when I was in the throws of labor, and to people I did love..can you imagine what you might say the your in laws???? Sadly, my husband managed to catch it all on video, needless to say a video we will not be sharing with our children!!!!! EVER...


stick to your guns on this one...you don't need extra stress, but also don't draw this out with hubby, reason with him that they wouldn't care anyway...good luck...hope it all goes well and if you have a lick of sense, and it sounds like you do, tell him to leave the damn video camera at home!!!!!!

Answer 2

I agree with you, why should you ahve to deal with them if they havn't bothered to show up, call or even ask how things are going all this time.
I"m on my third right now, my husbands family stickes their noses into everything, their comments, advice and everything they say have been a put down towards the fact that they don't even think I can handle three kids. It's insulting and right now I don't need to hear anything like that. So I myself have made it known that the only people who will be at the hospital will be my husband and my two other kids, and if my mother can come that's it. I told my doctor already I don't want visitors, and they will more than willing turn people away without needing to give any excuse other than your resting. My husband my not like it all too well and it may be even a bit rude as something to do, but I've had enough and it's my delivery so it should go the way I want.
Just as yours should be, you shouldn't have to deal with stress during this time, if they havn't bothered to be around up until that point there's really no agrument there to be brought up. If your husband doesn't understand it's mostly because it's his family, family is family. He thinks it's their right to be there, but in reality this is your family your starting, a child your brining into this world. You shouldn' thave to deal with added stress. Why not have your husband ask his family why they didn't come by for the shower? Or why they havn't showed interest? At least ask them, this way when it's time to delivery they'd know at least one reason why they weren't invited to the hospital. Make it known that you've been hurt by this, and it's bothering you enough that your begining to stress.
At least make sure you ask them, or have your husband ask them, bring it up so it's known. Make your feelings known.
Good luck, I'm feeling for you!

Answer 3

This is your and your husbands day. Please remember that even though they have hurt your feelings, that making 2 wrongs will not make a right. You need to be calm at your delivery so how do you feel about them being contacted via someone else (not your husband) and allowing them to visit with their newborn grandchild while you are in recovery. I understand that you wanted to have a relationship with them, and it should have been a special time and they blew it, but you need to be the bigger person and allow them visits at least after the baby is born. If you dont it will eventually but a wedge in between you, your husband and child. Who knows they may not even show once called and then if that happens your husband will see the true colors.

I had an ok relationship with my in laws while I was pg (my daugter is 2 weeks old) they did come to my baby shower ( but left early) they never called to check on me and Kinsley even though I had a horrible sick pg. I stomped my feet the week before my daughter was born and said " They are not allowed there" I eventually backed down, we have a great relationship now. I am afraid if you dont let it go you will forever hinder your relationship. Good luck

Answer 4

The one thing i hate the most is when a husband can't back up his own wife when you know darn well if a women doesn't have her husband/man's back she no longer loves him etc...
If that were my husband he would tell me they weren't worth it anyway and he also wouldn't want anything to do with them. If your husband is so set on calling them i would demand a sit down so that you can talk it out with his family first. You deserve an explanation why they aren't around for you! I have a relative that's like that also, if you don't call her then the two of you don't speak at all! Personally i think it's immature, rude, ridiculous and more than anything it just makes her look like she thinks the world revolves around her and that she's better and shouldn't have to do anything first. I'm also pregnant and i know how it feels when no one seems to care.
If they do come to the hospital you can always tell the staff to not let them in your room. I think it's ok if they saw the baby at the nursery but no one is allowed in your room unless you say they can.

Answer 5

Sorry to hear about your situation. I'm sure it is stressful on you and that is the last thing you need. I don't understand why his family didn't have any contact with you and I can see how this would make you not want them around when you give birth, and by the sounds of it they may not show up anyhow! I think that right now you need to concentrate on yourself and the baby and not stress out over this. I know it may be hard but for the baby, try to give them another chance and see what happens! Also it will make your husband happy so If he calls them, it doesn't mean you have to see them, but at least it shows that you are trying to have them involved. Hope that you have a healthy baby, congrats and goodluck!

Answer 6

I'm so sorry that your husband's family isn't more involved and supportive. There is nothing wrong with not wanting them there while you are in labor. Explain to your husband that it will put too much stress on you to have them there. Tell him that he can call them after the baby is born and the three of you have had a little time alone together. What are the chances they will show up anyways?

Good luck!

Answer 7

You have ever right to say who you do or don't want in the delivery room. I don't want anyone other than my husband...not my parents, not his parents, not anyone. It's up to you and what you're comfortable with. There's no way I want my husband's mother in the room watching me push, with my legs up in the air, and screaming my lungs out...not going to happen!

While his family may have acted ridiculous throughout your pregnancy...they may come around once the baby is actually here...which would be a good thing! Try not to punish the family later on for them not attending the shower (it's pretty crappy they didn't come...but it's not the most important event in you and the baby's life). If they still don't want anything to do with you and the baby...then that's their loss!

While you can keep them out of the delivery room...you can't keep them out of the waiting room. They might still be at the hospital for your delivery...

Remember the most important thing is your baby coming into the world...the family drama should come second.

Good luck!

Answer 8

You will be the one having the baby, you are the patient. YOU decide who should be there. The birth of your baby should be a special event for you and you DO NOT need any added stress. If they stress you out, don't invite them to be there.

Just be sure you will not regret it later on. Remember they are your family too (as well as the baby's) Perhaps they can visit the following day in the hospital....after you've had a chance to recover a bit. Have your husband talk with them to find out what the comflict is all about. Maybe you can get it resolved before the baby arrives.

Answer 9

You are the one having the baby. If his parents don't find the need to be at a baby shower then why should either of you call them when you go into labor....MAYBE call a day or two after the fact...but I would just wait

Answer 10

The last thing you need when you are in labor is to have to worry about his family. It would be best if they weren't there. If you are stressed during labor it may cause problems with the baby or even put you at high risk for a c-section. You need to be firm about it with your partner that you don't want any of them there--maybe you could compramise and let them be at the hospital in the waiting room but you don't want to see them until it is all over with.