My wife has lost her mind, i quit work to go back to college and she continued to work and pay our bills, this happened about 3 years ago. Now I find out she took out loans and got a credit card to try to keep the bills caught up and didn't tell me. Now I find all this out and the only explination she can give me is "I thought it would help me keep the bills paid on time". I'm so mad I'm thinking about leaving her. Has this ever happened to you? If she lied about this, she probably lied about other things right?
2007-02-06 04:40:17 · 31 answers · asked by im_anazz 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Leaving her? You asshole. Get a damn job. The reason you're in debt is because your wife was being the man in the relationship trying to handle everything on her own. OK, you went back to school. Did you get a part time job to help with the bills. Doesn't sound like it. Ever wonder "just how is she doing it all" while you sat back eating the food SHE bought, and showering in the water that SHE paid for, or better yet, where did the gas money come from that you used to get your ungrateful a'ss back and forth to school? She lied to support your ignorant a'ss, do her a favor and leave her. I hope she takes you for ALL you got. Which I am very sure is not much. Men like you give all the good men a bad name. You're the one that's crazy.
2007-02-06 05:05:22 · answer #1 · answered by Golden 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK, first, let's try a little perspective.
1] She was supportive of your decision to quit work and go to school.
2] Not telling you something is not the same as lying.
3] Making financial mistakes is not the same thing as being crazy.
That's not to say that what she did is right, but it's not as bad as you're making it out. You're surprised and upset right now, but take a few deep breaths and try to see things more calmly.
From her perspective she did these things for you. It's not like you found out she'd spent the money on herself. This isn't something to leave your wife over.
The two of you do have to sit down and seriously talk about how much debt you have and what to do about it. You need to set up ground rules in the future so she knows what you expect to be discussed with you versus what she can just do on her own. Now if you set up new rules and limits and she doesn't follow them - that's when you have a real problem.
No matter what happens though you should always try counseling before leaving a marriage. Even if divorce is the final outcome counseling helps make the transition smoother. But please keep in mind that she probably just thought she was doing her best to help you realize your dream.
2007-02-06 12:52:24 · answer #2 · answered by Queen of Cards 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, it sounds like you turned over all the finances to her, and she couldn't manage it, and probably in an effort of not wanting to worry you, tried to "fix" it as best she can. It's never happened to me, but it's happened to someone I'm very close to. She just didn't want her husband to worry, so she took out a car title loan for some extra cash to "get by." He didn't know she had done it until they showed up at the house to repo the car--because she hadn't made the payments.
And I'd ordinarily say if she's lied about this, she's lied about other things, but possibly not. My good friend hadn't, just money issues. She just couldn't manage money, still can't.
While I don't blame you for being angry and upset, what you have to do now is fix the problem. First off, obviously SHE doesn't need to manage the family finances until she knows what she's doing. If you need to contact a credit counselor, then do so. Get your finances and credit straightened out. You can handle the family finances AND go to school at the same time. And she needs to learn how to manage money, she needs to learn how to budget (and stay within a budget), and how to pay bills (on time). You'd be surprized the number of people who do not know how to do these basic things. You can help her with this.
Calm down, you probably really don't want to leave her. Remember the good qualities she has, and focus on those. Help her overcome her challenges (like she probably helps you overcome yours). Remember you guys are a team here. Best of luck to both of you.
2007-02-06 12:48:58 · answer #3 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Step back a minute and look at the situation. Your wife has been working to support the family while you went to school full time.
She made poor decisions about the finances and now needs help. Has she been there for you otherwise? Get rid of the anger and work the problems out together. You may have to go to work at least part time and school part time.
You think this is bad, try divorce it is much more expensive. She should have communicated better to you, however you also need to listen. Seek marriage counseling if necessary.
Good luck.
2007-02-06 12:53:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Calm down.
She was trying to help and maybe pursued suboptimal solutions. I bet you have screwed up too.
So what will divorce get you? Alimony? Half the debt anyway? All those great lonely nights? You could start posting in Singles and dating instead of here.
Hopefully, that and the others have calmed you down. This doesn't mean she lied or is lying about anything else.
My man, she did it so you wouldn't quit school. She didn't want you to feel more stress...maybe even you quit to help with bills. She didn't want that for you so she did what she could. She did it because she loves and supports you.
Feeling dumb now. Happens to all of us. Buy some flowers, tell her you love her, that the debt doesn't matter (and it doesn't) and you're sorry for reacting that way. Big kiss. Make-up sex.
Now go study and care for your loving wife.
2007-02-06 12:57:58 · answer #5 · answered by jw 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well yes she might have lied about others things...maybe she didn't want to worry you and was trying to do the best she can do but she needs to be educated that taking out credit for bills is not a good idea at least she was nice enough to support you as you go to school...i don't see why you want to leave her over that? Don't you love her? Thats crazy marriage is a give and take kind of thang.
2007-02-06 12:45:20 · answer #6 · answered by ♥queen b♥ 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No,she is not crazy-you quit work and went back to school and that meant that she was the only one left to pay the bills and she though that she was helping you-maybe she didn't want to worry you-she was trying to do it all by herself and she just got deeper and deeper in debt-now is the time for you to sit down with her and try to figure out how you can help her-she has been there for you for 3 yrs-now is the time for you to be there for her-WHY would you want to leave a woman that has stuck by you all of this time-this is not a good reason for you to leave her-she is in this kind of debt because she though that she was helping-she didn't lie-she didn't want to worry you she wanted you to finish school and then maybe then you would get a job and you all could pay off your bills-she didn't want you to fail-you have a good wife-stick by her now-now she need your help-she was there for you now it is your time to be there for her-if you love her you should be able to understand what she was trying to do(help you) she showed you that she love you for 3 yrs she didn't tell you that she was in trouble because she didn't want you to quit school-you are Blessed to have a wife like the one you have-count your blessing some people wish we had a wife like her
2007-02-06 13:29:24 · answer #7 · answered by brown sugar 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
right! and your point is? well, its not a good situation but it could have been far worse...she could have shot up dope or snorted it or spent it gambling...or on some other dude..
Dude...she had good intentions..and good intentions pave the road to hell!
Christians are not perfect..........just forgiven
give her the benefit of the doubt and after you are done pouting and getting all red in the face and say a lot of smack to her just get down and thank God she is the one who screwed up as now you can take the Higher Ground...you can be her Savior and come to her rescue like the knights of old..this is not a joke .
You take control of your finances and with a little time this marriage will be back on its feet again..but don't go it alone ..get some professional help..The horse is already out of the barn...why close the barn door now? just don't let her hands on your money again without both of you managing your budget.
By the way ...PAL..don't put all the blame on her..you were there all the time ..and if you allowed this to happen then you are just to blame as your credit is going down the river along with hers so give the lady a break as you are not altogether innocent either...ignorance is no excuse to breaking the law..ask the judge
2007-02-06 12:49:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did she hide the bills from you? Well then YOU could have at any time looked at the situation, asked her about them or done them yourself! You choose to leave it totally up to her and she did what she thought was best. If you wanted it done differently, then you should have had YOUR eye on things!!! Don't be mad at her because she didn't do them the way YOU would have, you left it up to her and she did it HER way, that's all. No reason to leave, just learn! Besides, she did all the work while you went to school. I think she deserves a big THANK YOU!!! she supported you, now you need to support her!!!
2007-02-06 12:46:40 · answer #9 · answered by wish I were 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a jerk you are! You quit your job to go back to college because thats what you wanted...well your wife fully supported that decision and did whatever it took to support the family so you could finish school!! Don't a lot of men do this? Why is it outrageous when a woman does it?! Grow up...she didn't cheat or anything, she was trying to help you accomplish your goals!! If you leave her over this, you are an idiot and will most deffinately regret it. You are just over reacting...TAKE SOME TIME AND CHILL OUT DUDE!!!
2007-02-06 12:55:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋