I hate Him?

Question

Its almost valentines day and i asked my husband whatwe are doing for it he asked me what i wanted to do i asked him how much money we had to spend he told me only $5. HE is on a fixed income and i am on out of work right now. But thats not the prob he spent all of our cash to buy parts to build a computer that we dont need. He knew i was so excited about valentines day but he doesn't seem to care. He does this every holiday. He tells me that we are going to do something and the day before the holiday or the day of he tells me we dont have the money because he " didnt think about it" I want to rip his head off. He never shows he cares about anything thats important to me what should i do I am thinking about divorce but i need some advice?

Answer 1

Your husband obviously has a passion in his life and you aren't it.

Sorry if this sounds harsh or cold but when you boil it down you really have just two choices:

Live with it or leave.

Answer 2

There are alot of things you can do that dont cost much money. Like, building a fire in the back yard and making smores.
Its not about what you do, its about what you do with the time you share together. Its about making each other feel loved and special.
IF its only a nice dinner, using the finer china, and candles and a quiet evening at home. BUbble bath and massage possibly? It doesnt have to cost hardly anything and that five bucks can buy a few candles, some bubble bath and a rose for pedals on the bed.
Be creative, just because your income if fixed, dont mean you gotta do without anything. It can be just as special.
If i were you, i would deman that this year you and him MAKE the time to do something special. Sounds like you two are in need of some quality time to rekindle a little romance.
Good luck hun.

Answer 3

Why is everyone so obsessed with getting something on Valentine's Day , holidays, birthdays etc. A loving relationship should be happening all year round, gifts shouldn't be demanded just because of the day.
Talk to your husband and let him know that you realize that this day may not seem important to him but it means a lot to you and the relationship. Tell him that you don't expect an expensive gift but a meaningful one (give examples).
I receive gifts now and then but I don't demand it. I know I am loved, respected and cherished by the actions I receive from my husband on a daily basis. The gifts don't mean a thing unless it is truly from the heart and when it happens it just verifies what I have known all along.

Answer 4

There's more to a relationship than gifts.My husband and I bought each other gifts all the time.Now it has stopped completely.But that is ok cause if I want something I go and get it.Visa-versa for him.It doesn't sound like you can really afford gifts at this time.Things will change when both of you get on your feet and start working together. You can make a good Valentines yourself you know and show him you care this also makes them feel guilty. Make a wonderful dinner with all the fixings.Use that 5 bucks for a bottle of wine and some candles.Valentines is about being together with the one you love not what you get.

Answer 5

Do not hate your husband. Love him and treat him right. With that five dollars make him a nice card or buy him a nice one and make him a nice dinner at home. Be creative and have fun. Make him feel special and loved. Give him a nice body massage with baby oil. These ideas take no or very little money. Since he is on a fixed income why dont you go out and get at least a part time job for some extra money for you and what you would like.

Answer 6

What is so important about valentines day? As long as my husband tells me Happy Valentines and spends the evening with me I really don't care about gifts or going out. We have money to go out but it seems a waste to me. I thought Valentines was a day to do something special with the one you love, not a contest to spend money. try a romantic dinner at home and some movies. Then take it to the bedroom!

Answer 7

You hate the things that he does. You both only have one income, make the holiday work for both of you at home. Cook a special dinner (together), use what little cash you have to get a bottle of Andre (4.99), and enjoy each other. Valentines day is about loving the one you are with, not about how much money each of you spend on one another.

Answer 8

You're serious, you want to divorce your husband because he won't take you out on Valentines Day??? But he's on a fixed income, and you're out of work, so I can't imagine why he wouldn't want to treat you like the guys in the commercials treat their wives?

You guys have some serious communication issues here though. I understand your being upset if he spend money you guys don't have on a computer--that you're probably using right now...hmmmmmmm. Being out of work is a stressful situation for any couple, so your first step would be to probably get a job, so that the financial stress is relieved, somewhat.

Then you guys need to TALK. You need to calmly explain to him what you expect from holidays, making sure your expectations are realistic. (p.s. the commercials from the jewelers, hallmark, restaurants, etc., are NOT realistic) I'm wary of also using the word "never," because if he never has shown he cares about things that are important to you, why did you marry him in the first place? Obviously, at one point in your relationship, he did this. Explain to him (because guys are sometimes clueless in this department) that it would mean alot to you if he would plan a romantic evening for just the 2 of you. Of course, you might have to take the first step here, and plan the first one. Show him what you'd like to do, by taking him along for the ride. Tell him that you feel as though he doesn't value you when he disregards your feelings in this manner.

Please, just make sure you're being realistic about holidays here. I'm not sure you are, which is going to make you disappointed with anyone. I can tell you, the only holidays my husband and I make a "big" deal out of are Christmas, Thanksgiving, our anniversary (we try to get away for the weekend) and possibly our birthdays. Of course, we pull out all the stops for our children's b'days. The rest of the holidays, Valentines Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Groundhog Day, Labor Day, etc., etc., etc. we don't pay alot of attention to. I certainly don't expect my husband to spend alot of money on a Valentines gift for me, and he doesn't expect it of me. Considering it's on a Wednesday this year, he'll probably have to work late, and I'll be running kids to their various activities. So see, alot of this is adjusting your expectations, so that they fit your reality. It doesn't mean that I don't love my husband because I don't buy him a Valentine card or gift, it's the stuff I do every day that show him how much I love him. I don't need an over priced red stuffed animal to show him that. And I certainly don't need it from him to know how he cares for me.

Answer 9

If a holiday is coming up you need to start putting away some money for it. Start 6 months ahead and squirrel away a bit here and there.
It will add up over time.
Don't' tell him about it and keep it hidden, so there will be no excuses when the time comes....
Plan ahead for success, do not wait for him to plan as he is not the type to do so.
Take matters into your own hands and make it happen.
He needs to spend the $5.00 on a very special card for you...cook supper, serve you and do the dishes..... to get out of the dawg house.....

Answer 10

Stop thinking and start filing. If you can't see each other's point of view, you're just gonna spend your time arguing. I'm sure he thinks the computer was much more useful than blowing the money on some stupid holiday. Get a job, and start celebrating your own holidays - with someone else.

Answer 11

Follow your gut insticts. If you're not happy overall then divorce could be a viable option for you. However, you should know that a divorce is an expensive, emotinally draining experience so be prepared for that, and definately get a lawyer.

Of course, in the interest of fairness you could give your husband one last chance, but that's up to you.