I think my wife has lost it. She used to be so slim and pretty and very careful of paying bills on time and making sure the house was clean, clothes were washed, etc. She was always alot of fun and loved being with me (sexually). Ever since we had our kids she has gained weight, let the house go and has let some bills be late too. I have quit a few jobs here and there to go back to school and she had to pay for everything but I am working now and she can do better. And the weight gain and dirty house are just about too much to handle. She has always worked, I'll give her that much. She has to have a hysterectomy in April, and she says she feels bad but how bad can she feel, she's 36. I'm tired of it. She cries all the time. Says I'm mean to her but I only say mean things so she will straighten up. Need some perspective.
2007-02-06 04:02:40 · 21 answers · asked by im_anazz 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You have got to be freaking kidding me.
Do her a favor and leave her.
2007-02-06 04:08:05 · answer #1 · answered by Ade 6 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Saying mean things to your wife is not helping either of you. Did you only love your wife when she was slim and pretty and careful about paying the bills on time and cleaning the house.????? How shallow is that???? Would you want to be treated that way?
If she is only 36 and having to have a hysterectomy, she has a lot of chemical imbalance in her body and that is not conducive to feeling well and taking care of herself, the house, the kids, the bills. It is a wonder the poor woman can function at all.
She gained weight from giving birth to your kids, you insensitive person. You quit a few jobs to go back to school, and she worked. She is not feeling supported and loved and appreciated. Is this so difficult to figure out??? Grow up, stop your whining and help her more around the house. I bet you couldn't stay home for two days and keep everything up to your standards.
I bet that you are not the same young and handsome guy, and the same weight and shape you were when you were first married, either. If someone says mean things to you....would you want to straighten up???? I think not.
You need to both get some councelling, I'm amazed she hasn't kicked you to the curb.
If you are saying mean things to her in front of your kids, that is frightening and scary for your children.
Best of luck to you and your family, please get some help.
2007-02-06 12:23:59 · answer #2 · answered by Sue F 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all stop cutting down your wife and love her for where she is at. She may need to see a doctor but it it NOT your place to be mean to her and to cut her down. Why dont you help her pay the bills and clean once in a while. She has kids now so she has more then just the bills and house to take care of she is a full time mom as well. You should kiss her feet and be thankful for what she does do. She may also be depressed because you are being mean and her hormones may be off balance. Take her to a doctor and have her get a complete physical done and she may need medication and help for her depression. I think you have killed her self esteem by how you are treating her. This hysterectomy will mess up her body too. You both need counseling and help and you really need marriage counseling. May i suggest you go to http://www.drphil.com and email him about this and see what he has to say or offer in the way of help or advice... Tell your wife if she needs someone to talk with i am here as a listening ear and a friend. Here comes lots of hugs for her today! I feel bad for her. I can feel her pain.
2007-02-06 12:15:46 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you both need some help. Go talk to a counselor. Does she work full time and take care of the kids and everything? If so, maybe you should help her out. Having kids makes you gain weight. Having unsupportive jerks for husbands does too. You need to see if you are actually helping her and supporting her. If you are ( and I mean really are helping and not just griping at her to "motivate her"), she might need help with depression or hormone levels since she had a hysterectomy. Marriage is a partnership. It is not just a woman looking good and taking care of everything so you can sit on your butt in a clean house. It takes two people to take care of jobs, homes and children.
2007-02-06 12:32:06 · answer #4 · answered by Ms. Cranky 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she's depressed. What you're doing to her is not helping. You're making it worse. She needs to see a doctor and a therapist. I think I'd need one to with a husband that only finds fault with me when I worked steadily so he could "quit a few jobs here and there" to go back to school. If the house isn't clean enough for you clean it yourself. I sure hope you're the slim handsome guy she married. Oh, but. wait! You didn't go through any pregnancies did you?? You're not going to have your body cut open and have them take anything out of you are you??? You're an insensitive man. She works, takes care of the kids, pays the bills, and has to clean the house!! What is it you do? Oh yeah, you have a job. Big deal!!
2007-02-06 12:43:11 · answer #5 · answered by mjm52 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to pass judgement, but I've never seen or heard of someone as insensitive as you.
-Children bearing = Weigh gain
-Histeroctiomy = Loss of womanhood that leaves deep emotional scars and hormonal imbalance due to lack of estrogen.
-Depression and weight gain are common side effects or an histeroctomy. A person that is depressed will stop taking care of the house and self, will "forget" to pay bills, cry all the time etc.
CAN YOU SEE THAT YOU WIFE IS IN A LOT OF PAIN????
Do you really think that you being a j erk will make her feel any better about herself? Do you really think that calling her fat and dirty will "straighten her" out? You have to be kidding me. I really feel sorry for your wife.
She needs to see and endocrinologist to get her started in hormone replacement therapy and perhaps some depression medication.
Why are yo being so mean to her??? How would you feel if someone would cut off your "manhood" and have your wife poke fun of you.
You owe your wife and apology.
2007-02-06 12:15:32 · answer #6 · answered by Blunt 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Saying mean things to her will not help, it will only make things worse. Do you give her a hand with the house chores and the kids? I hear you complaining about her flaws....do you help her at all? You may also consider couseling. She may be feeling over whellemed. Children are a lot of work and require time. She may also be in pain.....Instead of acting Mean, have you tried being helpful, asking her what you can do to help? Marriage takes two people to make it work. Sounds to me like she's doing all the work and you are just complaining. I could be wrong, but then again, you did not provide sufficient info for me to think otherwise....Best of Luck.
2007-02-06 12:29:14 · answer #7 · answered by onecrazypeach 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps the kids became the priority over cleaning and taking care of herself. Instead of saying mean things to get her to "straighen up" try encouraging her. Perhaps get a babysitter for a few days and send her to a spa... it will get her thinking more about taking care of herself. She's obviously unhappy... try asking her what you can do to cheer her up .... once she gets her emotions under control, the rest is likely to follow. Happy people care about themselves and their surroundings, depressed people do not. She's been in charge of making the money, getting the bills organized, taking care of the kids and cleaning the house... and you were... going to school. Now you are... working. You have 1 responsibility she has several. Share the load! Stress does that sort of thing to people you shmuck!
2007-02-06 12:19:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are such a jerk. Maybe she's not interested in you sexually because you're mean to her, and since you make such an issue of her weight gain, I'm sure that you make little comments about her body. You want some perspective? Get it from a therapist, because you sound like you have a personality disorder.
2007-02-06 12:20:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. BTW... you are the cause of her weight gain because you got her pregnant. And personally, if I were your wife and you were a jerk to me and said mean things it would make me want to do less for you, not more. So the criticism and being mean to her should stop and see how that works. Next time she does things you want her to do, tell her how much you appreciate it. It will change things around.
2007-02-06 13:09:06 · answer #10 · answered by babybunny729 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Listen if you had to have children you will be the same. Woman bodies go through so many changes and emotions as well.You know that. You may not be as attractive anymore either. You need to stop putting her down and stop talking to her that way. That is not helping the situation it's making it worst. You have so much nerve. Get it together buddy. You need to start helping withthe cleaning and cooking etc. Don't be a dead beat dad. You help raise them too. I am so sick and tired of selfish, inconsiderate men. Grow UP and Wake up! I wouldn't want you sexually either if you constantly put me down. YOu are terrible.
2007-02-06 12:15:36 · answer #11 · answered by Jamonican 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋