why did he fell for the woman that he had an affair?

Question

My husband of 22 years had an affair before x-mas 2006. He met her from christian dating site,he said that he only did it to find someone to help him how to communicate with me, which he never does since we got married. The result of this was he found this woman who also married, and their both christian. When I found his profile from that site, everything he said was all lies. The day I found out his affairs,he told me that he had deep feelings for her,just knowing her for lest than 3 months. Yes they slept together but thier excuse to me was they're only friends.He gave all of his affection and passion to this woman that he never showed me since we got married. I can forgive the intimacy that he gave her, but not the feelings that he had for this woman.....now he wants to work on our marriage and move forward,...........all I have right now is pain and Im not sure if he caneven feel what I have right now...

Answer 1

I'm so sorry for what happened to you.

Fisrt of all, cheating and slepping with someone else is adultery, and it doesn't matter if it was a "christian woman" on a "christian website". That is the biggets pile og Sh!t I've heard in my life. Is that supposed to make you feel any better? Gimme a break.

Being a christian is not proclaiming themselves one and justifying their lies, cheating, and deceit and covering up because they say they are.. This is the biggest hipocresy I've ever heard of. Don't let him feed you that crap, he slept with someone else and he needs to validate your feelings. You have the right to feel this way and he needs to understand what he has done to you. If he really wants to patch things up, then you shoudl go to marriage conselling together.

Good luck

Answer 2

I guess I should start by saying that I can not even imagine how you are feeling right now, and I am so sorry that you had to go thru this at all. 22 years is a long time especially in the times we live in today. My first though in reading this is that hey are both Christian? Not in this lifetime. Sex out of marriage is kind of a no no, and so is cheating on your husband/wife. So how he can call either of them Christian is beyond me. You have to walk the walk. Why would he be on any type of a dating site, if you want someone to talk to go to a site for advice for Christian couples. My next thought is do you honestly believe that he went 22 years without cheating on you? Seems odd to me. Does this ladies husband know of her affair? And they say they are only friends, then why did they sleep together? If you are in fact a christian I think the best thing for you to do right now is get down on your knees and pray over this situation and talk with your church leader. Also don't rush into anything. I know that the emotional cheating is so much worse than they physical but still give yourself time before you make any final decisions. I would ask that your husband give you space to make this decision on your own. I'll be praying for you.

Answer 3

That's a long time to go with such a big problem, I can't believe you two were happy living like that for so long. You should have gone to a marriage counselor and gotten help for your problem a long time ago.

Marriage has to be about two people making each other happy... or it will end up crashing and burning.

I would say he went looking for something he wasn't getting from you. Got any ideas what that might be?

You might have to face some hard truths about what you weren't bringing to him in the marriage.

And what is up with two Christians lying about being married using a Christian dating site to find each other for an affair? Goodness gracious. Obviously they don't take the skyfather myth seriously.

Answer 4

A "Christian" dating site??? Sorry to say but your husband and his girlfriend aren't acting like any Christian is supposed to act. I also read your other follow-up question and it sounds as though you have subordinated yourself completely to please him and he hasn't done anything to make your feel good about the relationship. What has that gotten you? And isn't that nice that, since he's had sex with this woman (only friends???? what a joke!!!) he's decided he'll work on your relationship. Real nice. I can completely understand your anger and hurt. I seriously doubt he has a clue how you feel about this because he is selfish, self-centered and heartless. If you really want to "move forward" on this, you're going to need counseling--either together or by yourself--and he's going to need to commit himself to working on gaining back your trust. You have to ask yourself if your life would be better with or without him. I can't tell you which you should choose, but, if it were me, I'd be talking to an attorney right now.

Answer 5

Infidelity is always a danger in any couple, married or not. For the sake of your family (esp. if you do have children), I would suggest you forgive him and carry on. As a good Christian, you know it's harder to forgive, even if you can't forget.
That woman also is to be blamed. She's married, with 3 kids, and she doesn't even think zat she can rock your marriage by taking your hubby.
Don't dump him though. Maybe he'll realize v soon how much you mean to him. Sometimes men (I'm a guy) just want to fool around and they confuse lust with love.

Answer 6

Your husband probably started looking for someone to talk to outside your marriage about married life, with the best of intentions. I think we like to have someone we can talk to about our marriage with who is outside our marriage. He probably thought a Christian site would be a "safer" involvement. I would guess as they would get into intimate discussions about spouses, things got more intimate between them. Then, the relationship became all about them.

Now you say he wants to put it all behind him and be with you. You have the power now. You can tell him how he must be able to repair your relationship. He should know he will always be suspect. Also the past 22 years is past, you two are beginning fresh. If he complies with this then he is probably sincere about being with you and only you. You set the terms of this new marriage you have with your husband.

Good Luck I hope you can work it out ... His devotion to you will be measured by his compliance to your needs and desires.

Answer 7

oh no go to the divorce lawyer and then make yourself a dr's appt and have yourself checked . Cause he could have given you alot more pain than you might think . Let him go and divorce this miserable loser . Christian yeah right dont think so christians dont sleep with married people !!! kick his sorry loser behind to the curb and move on . He is trash and so is she . good luck honey.

Answer 8

If the trust is gone and can't be repaired it is over...and you need to kick his cheating but to the curb. I am older and I had a marriage just like that, we tried to work it out, therapy , everything, and just when I thought and hoped I could trust him again, he did it agian...I became a bitter snoop, don't be like me, don't hang on to someone who doesn't treat you with respect...and by the way...neither of them sound very christian to me...I also would tell her husband...he deserves to know. good luck, being alone and lonely is better than being with someone and lonely...

Answer 9

You're feeeling a lot of pain right now and nothing any of us can say is going to make it easier. But I suggest you talk to your pastor, priest, rabbi or chaplain, so that you can fully vent your feelings and then find a way to communicate with your husband, and eventually forgive.

Good Luck

Answer 10

it seems that he is a very shallow person and that he is inconsiderate of your feelings if he did that to you. he obviously doesnt understand what it means to be married, he is not ready for a commitment.
he must have feelings left for her, and what do you think he was thinking when he was cheating?
you're going to feel horrible whenever you think back to when you found out about it, and it's still going to hurt, i dont think you deserve it.
things may have turned out differently if you two were only dating, you could have gotten ready for marriage. he isnt ready.
he is taking advantage of you because you have a kind heart, and he knew that you would have forgave him. i would have never forgiven anyone that i was with if they were intimate with someone else, especially loving someone else.