A friend of my family called me this morning upset because her son who has been fighting cancer for about a year now has found that there are tumors on his liver. He has a wife and a 2 year old daughter.
He is refusing treatments and told everyone he wants to be left alone with what time he has left.
It seems incredibly selfish when you take into account the wife and daughter, but at the same time I hate to say he's selfish because we don't know what we'd do until in his shoes.
I feel bad for his mom, but I have no idea what to say to her.
I know this isn't my usual silliness, but I was just wondering if anyone else has ever been in a situation like this. I want to console his mother, but I have no idea what to say to her.
Suggestions?
2007-02-06 03:37:06 · 9 answers · asked by Jennifer F 6 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
It's hard to say...maybe he wants to enjoy the time he has instead of always be tired and sick. If his mom is the spiritual type...tell her to pray and you could too. God bless him and his family. My mom died when I was 4. She refused treatment too. Sometimes I get angry she didn't fight harder with 3 small kids. But i think she just wanted what was best for us. So we wouldn't have a mom who was always sick and couldn't be there for us. She fought hard to have us all. She had a lot of health trouble during her pregnancy with me. They told her not to have any more. But she wouldn't listen. She had my sister too because I feel she felt like that was her destiny. That was her purpose in life. Suggest to the mom that he probably feels like it's best for his family and his young daughter not to see him go through all the treatments losing hair, losing weight. Too tired and sick to do anything. They will be angry for a while and thats ok...it's part of grieving. But eventually they will come to terms. Bless you for being a good friend
2007-02-06 03:40:58 · answer #1 · answered by tuxgal3 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, Jennifer, this is a serious one.
Well, in most cases the treatments can actually be worse than the cancer itself... so odds are if the doctors said there was very little hope (on a vital organ that's often the case)...then he'd like to spend the time with his family rather than a medical team. Coherent and active.
I'd say he's probably put a lot of thought into it. Give him the benefit of the doubt.
2007-02-06 11:45:03 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't know whjat to say to her myself.
However, I can see why he doesn't want to make his family suffer. I just watched(over the past 6 month) my mom in law come tot he same decision, since it cost a great deal of money andnone of the treatments were working. They just left her feeling sicker and weaker than she otherwise would have.
She called it quality of life - and she got to have several more months of very happy and active life; it was only the last month that her life rapidly slowed down and ended. Even then, she was alrt, active and aware until 2 days before her death.
She got to do and see more by not being tied to a hospital bed. She got more time with her family and friends.
I totally see where he is coming from.
2007-02-06 11:45:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow deep! Here goes I hope she is a religious person cause that gives you more to work with. If she is you could say that only the lord knows when {your friends name} time will come. OR The Lord will know when the time is right. But mostly just listen and take your ques from her. I know and I am here for you go a long way. Tell her to spend time with her son and make memories for her grand daughter cause none of us really know.
2007-02-06 11:49:41 · answer #4 · answered by Star of Florida 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think once you have children you no longer have the right to be selfish...has the son given anyone a reason as to WHY he's refusing treatment? Some people may be afraid to be a burden to those they love, or maybe he feels he just doesnt have the strength to fight anymore...
2007-02-06 12:14:40 · answer #5 · answered by ~LAX Mom~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
quoting," he wants to be left alone with, etc."
as in not with his family, or not wanting to go through with further treatments? if the former, i believe he may be in shock at learning the illness hasn't been cured or has worsened.
if the latter, i think that should be his right, after careful consideration, whether to endure the hardships of radiation , chemo. or surgery.
what to say to his mother? you can say you hope he does what's best for himself, and that they have your prayers for the family and all others concerned.
i am losing a dear friend to the same condition. he lapsed into a coma at home, and if it's God's will, he will never regain conciousness and suffer further pains. my only regret, should it end that way, is that i never got a chance to tell him i love him one last time and to say goodbye. he had kept his illness hidden from us all but one sister.
2007-02-06 11:50:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, as you pointed out, we can't judge him until we've BEEN him. Perhaps it is the ultimate in UNselfishness -- to not make them suffer any more than is absolutely necessary and in thinking of their financial future. Dying of cancer is not cheap.
Secondly, you don't have to say anything. Just be there, and listen. I recently suffered the loss of my sweet father-in-law from a long debilitating illness. I was devastated. I can tell you that I don't remember one single thing me friends actually 'said' to me, but I do remember that they were there for me. Believe me, your concern will be appreciated.
2007-02-06 11:43:34 · answer #7 · answered by comet girl...DUCK! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is just accepting fate. There is not much comfort you can give other than to be there for them......
2007-02-06 11:47:54 · answer #8 · answered by Out on a limb returns 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
liver cancer will kill him treatments or not. I can't judge. No one can unless they are in his shoes.
2007-02-06 11:41:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋