If a women is married, weather its good or bad, why do they feel the need to help themselves to anothers man and use a lame line like "My husband dosent love me and understand me. We have a platonic relationship. No sex involved between us. I am going to leave him when the time is right and the kids are old enough etc etc...." Are morals and values a thing of the past? What happened to for better or worse in the marriage vows? Also what can you say about a man that would fall for that line and is in a relationship but pursues it anyway? How do you get over it if it happens to you?
2007-02-06 03:20:14 · 13 answers · asked by sleepyhead613 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
If you ask an alcoholic why he drinks, they will answer with excuses such as I need to relax or it is social or I need sleep and it is the only way. Very rarely do you hear the truth which is so simple, that they like the way it makes them feel. Cheating on a spouse is the same. They like the way it makes them feel because some part of them never grew up or took responsibility for themselves or they want attention and that cheating gives it to them. The lies are a symptom of the problem, not the problem itself. Just like alcohol is a symptom of the problem, not the problem itself. Lack of control over the results of any sort is based on the illusion that they ever had control of anything but their own actions in the first place and the excuses come from being too immature to face the consequences of their own actions. The excitement of the affair fills an empty void in their lives and gives them immediate gratification. The consequences are like a bad debt that they can pay for later. It is simple immaturity which says 'my actions don't have any consequences'
and over time they begin to become ego-maniacs with inferiority complexes, simply because they don't want to accept the image of self that they have created through their own actions
2007-02-06 03:42:50 · answer #1 · answered by cuban friend 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For the same reasons that men use lame excuses to cheat. Most people who are married, know that they are making a mistake or moral error. People can come up with all kinds of excuses, when they are trying to make their case for their side of the story.
This kind of thing may happen in childhood, with the "dog ate my homework" and those types of things. I know of incidences in retail where employees have been caught stealing from their employer and will actually stand up in front of a judge and say that they did it because they are not making enough money and deserve it. The sad part is that they have made themselves believe this.
Human beings are not perfect, and although many people aspire to being true to their marriage vows...cheating is more accepted in today's society. Years ago there were consequences brought down on cheaters, both by law and society. Now it is too easy for people to marry and divorce like it is a game.
Men and women will fall for any line that they choose to believe, when they want to believe it. I do not believe that cheating is acceptable, that is the way I was brought up.
I do not think that it has helped the younger generations to build good moral character when they watch some of the shows on tv, some things on the computer and watch Mom and Dad divorce and remarry and switch partners at the drop of a hat.
I cannot give you any help with getting over it, as it is not personal experience. If it has happened to you, you need counseling for yourself, and your partner. If you want to repair the marriage, and for yourself, if the marriage is irreparable. Best of luck to you and your spouse.
2007-02-06 03:46:29 · answer #2 · answered by Sue F 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They probably give all the excuses to justify their behavior by blaming the other person rather than feel guilty for doing something so shady and disgusting! I'm a female myself and think that cheating is so wrong. It's only human nature to become curious when you've been with someone for so long and though I've been tempted many times, I've never indulged in any of that kind of behavior because I love my man way too much to ever hurt him like that. As a female even I don't understand why someone would use such excuses as you gave examples of to justify their behavior. If you don't feel appreciated or don't feel loved or are sex deprived then it would make much more sense to talk to your significant other about that and break up if the need occurs then to sit there and cheat on them!
2016-05-23 23:34:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women who cheat tend to have poor self esteem. They look for someone who will validate their feelings. The sad part is they can't see that their key to happiness is within themselves. They look for happiness outside themselves and also cast blame outside themselves. Lame excuse is because they haven't examined the situation from their own husbands point of view, so they possibly don't know the real reason.
If there is no sex in their marriage, they need to remake themselves into the person the thier husbands courted, not continually look for someone 'better'. What could be better than the one who has stood by you all this time anyway?
2007-02-06 03:51:55 · answer #4 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Same reason why men use the same ones...Not that either female or male reasons are right but it's easier then telling the truth. I mean come on, are you really willing to say I want to have sex with you because I can right now and because I'd rather be having sex with my husband but since your right here you'll do ?? It's obvious that things happen when they happen. As far as what is right or wrong is another story. Cheating in my eyes is extrememly uncalled for. I rather you end it with me right then and there and then go have sex then still be with me and still have sex. Just have some sort of decency.
2007-02-06 03:30:00 · answer #5 · answered by the_wicked_itch_of_the_west 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
[not only women do it, btw.]
it's not right, but sometimes it happens, and using excuses makes them feel less guilty; although they may be honest statements, they still don't make it any more excusable. personally, if the relaitonship is bad enough for someone to need a third party to fulfill them in any way, then they should get a divorce, regardless of vows/kids/etc. it's better to have a clean break than the pain of infidelity.
i don't know how one would get over it... i would completely cut the cheater out of my life if it happened to me, and would possibly seek counselling.
good luck
2007-02-06 03:34:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Women of today are mostly liers and cheats. Reason: MONEY! Most women who marry a man have no goals in life, except one. To marry a man, then devorce him, and Take Half of everything he worked all his life for. Then the Female does the cycle again and finds another man with money...and the cycle continues..
Human Women are like the "preying mantis" When the female gets the sex she needs shes kills the male and eats his body.
2007-02-06 03:35:58 · answer #7 · answered by Mike E 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
LOL........those excuses you say women use are the precise same thing my husband said when he cheated on me and our 2 kids, then left us for his whore. You are correct, morals and values are a thing of the past, unless you are lucky enough to find someone who places high importance on those 2 things. In the end though, it takes 2 to tango. If the person getting involved with a married person is stupid enough to get tangled in his / hers web of lies, then they are just as guilty.
2007-02-06 03:29:06 · answer #8 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Lame excuses for cheating aren't gender specific. Any excuse is a lame one....man OR woman.
It's easy to let one's own sex drive get the better of them if one has no concience.
Mostly, people don't want to vocalise the REAL reasons they cheated, since admitting that would also be admitting you were a selfish twit.
2007-02-06 03:25:19 · answer #9 · answered by bradxschuman 6 · 7⤊ 0⤋
well a lot of people cheat because they do belive in the vows to stay together till death do us part.. but see, its like this theory.. if you marry a hot sexy skinner women or hot bodied man, and a few years later they let themself go, you did not obligate yourself to get married and stay married to this fat person... and so why should you know how to stay with and love and obey this person you completly do not like who they have become....its not fair to your partner...now, in attitudes,, if you have a wonderful life with your b/f then get married, andt hey treat you like ****, regardless of therapy.. but you are against divorce, why shouldnt you be allowed to make yourself happy outside the marriage? why should you ruin everything about your partner because you are an idiit and treat or do crappy things to them. now, if you have a great marriage, and great life and still **** around its because you suck at life. ♥
2007-02-06 03:34:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋