How do you decide enough is enough in marriage?

Question

I don't want to be viewed as a dirtbag but my husband is in Iraq and I have discovered an affair he has been lying about. I confronted him before and he just keeps lying saying how much he loves me. I have given him every oppotunity to walk away from the marriage but he doesn't. He did the same thing last time he was deployed. And so it is clear...I have never stepped outside our marriage at all. Never thought of it. but now i am trying to figure out...Do I try to work it out..oe do I just cut my losses now?

Answer 1

You've lost the most valuable thing in the relationship-Trust . Without that there's not much left. You might want to see a counselor and go over all of this with a professional. I feel that if your husband has cheated on you before he will continue. The reason I say this is my X husband cheated on me and would always promise to stop. When I caught him the last time I threw him out of my house immediately. I could only take so much. My life has been better living in truth.

Answer 2

I don't think your a dirtbag. You seem more like a saint to me to have put up with as much as you have for as long as you have. But it is time to cut your losses. If you know for certain that he has cheated on you don't give him a chance to continue to do it. Who knows what he could be giving to you. It isn't worth risking your life over. And if he truly didn't learn anything the last time he cheated on you that he was able to do it again then he won't change. I have always told my husband that cheating is a marriage ender. I would never be able to forgive him or trust him again if he ever cheated on me. So free yourself and find a good guy. They are out there.

Answer 3

This is the second time, meaning he's hopeless to change. BUT, if you will leave im, I will not suggest divorce. Just leave him an dtry to have yourself a good break and space. No need to rush, can be anytime. .. Can be years and years. I still believe in the power of love, if you really love each other, then you will see both of you in the end- this is what we call marriage. Forgveness and sacrifice. I said leave him, because this is smething for oursleves. We must save something for ourselves. . . WE're cheated already, how can we threat ourselves like an idiot. Take it easy, Good heart always wins. .

Answer 4

Is he having the affair now, or is it something he had before he went to Iraq? You know for SURE he's been having the affair? If it's the second time he's cheated, then I'd definitely be gone from the relationship. If it's the first time, then I'd wait until he got home, then make him go to marriage counseling with you.

Answer 5

This will have to be your choice alone, but keep in mind what you have invested into this marraige and if there are any children. And it does not matter if he is in Iraq, he still knows right from wrong, and so far they have not proved that the stresses of war cause you to cheat?? You have to put your life in prioity mode and make whatever choices for yourself. Remember many family members (mainly his) will look down on you, but they might not even know what is really going on. I wish you luck and hope all works out. Take care and God Bless you and your husband.

Answer 6

Betrayal, hon, is the only deal buster in marriage, about everything else can pretty much be worked out.... With betrayal, the trust goes, (he lying to you!!!!!!!!!!!) and the admiration and respect you had for him are in the toilet with the passion (he shared with some one else), and the trust. Hon, you don't even have a marriage. Walk away, get your head on straight with a session or two of counseling, and go find yourself a nice guy. He doesn't walk away, because he is keeping you as the Jerk in Reserve...... Don't share, hon, don't ever share. Dump him and find a nice guy...

Answer 7

One not in any respect truly is conscious yet another till they get married or stay mutually and it really is often what takes position. even as one has to ask this question on an open cyber web website like this, thats a extremely sturdy signal there's a substantial venture of their marriage. all people has a unique threshhold of even as the point of adequate is adequate hits so that you may want to have reached yours the following and the stresss is taking its toll now. in spite of if she isnt operating she might want to be sensible with homestead chores and make it more straightforward for you as after all youre no longer a glorified babysitter the following or a determine searching after their newborn. Marriage Counseling can help the following because it supplies her somebody else to reply to to about what she does and enables her set aims for herself and a thanks to achieve them. try it previously you truly call it quits. Sorry, sturdy success and satisfied holiday journeys

Answer 8

If your husband is stupid enough to leave you and fight in another country, then you should love the one you're with. As soon as he departs pull down your panties and have sex. If he's too stupid to get a job and stay home, then the hell with him. Men in the armed services are just stooges for The New World Order. Cut your losses and divorce him. The guys in Iraq are screwing women and you better believe it.

Answer 9

Best cut your losses and get someone that can appreciate you. But have you found out why he is having an affair.

Some women do not realize that when they married they were slim and trim and they put on them pounds when they got married. Most guys will not say nothing, but that is one cause for having an affair. To him you are not that atrractive no more or you may have turned to saying "No not honey, I got a headache" to the sex every couple of days. I was in the Army and wanted sex every day. But she turned out to letting me have sex with her every couple of days routine. Well women do not realize that guys are horny 24/7. Well we ended up fighting and she left. Thank goodness we had no kids. If we had stayed together longer, I definitely would have had an affair.

So you gave us your side of the story. What was his side for having the affair though?

Answer 10

He wont change unless you do sister. You are a woman and deserve the honesty that you give out. I am not saying dump him...although no one would fault you for it, but take some time off to decide if its worth it. Unless you take a stand, get out and think about it, he wont change, you could be living with this forever, he has a very big lack of respect for you....imagine if he has a child outside the marriage? I can't say if you should leave him, but you should leave to think about. You deserve confort, honesty and respect. This man clearly has no concept of marriage. You need to take care of yourself and your pride and if that means leaving him, do it!