can i get my tubes tied without my parents noing,im 16?

Question

well i am going to marry a man that i have been arranged to marry. i dont love him, i cant stand him, and im expected to have children rite away but i dont want kids with a man i dont have any love for.im 16 rite now and i marry him a few days sfter my 18th b-day he will be 27 then. so0o0o could i get that doen without them noing if i pay for it while they are in india? i am expected to have children rite away and i dont want kids with him.. but if i dont marry him i will be shunned from my family(( they did that to my cousin puman/poonam)) and i love my family but i dont want to be tied to a man i dont love and my parents have made their minds on this matter. i have never been able to satnd adyata((the man i am going to marry,adi for short)) so can i get them tied? thanks

i cant let him no that i am on bc pills, or my family

oh and i live in london.

IM NOT MUSILIM,
IM HINDU !!!

Answer 1

No, you can't have your tubes tied so young. But there are other methods eg depo provera is a shot you get every three months, you should be able to hide that. But you still have time, your wedding date is not for a couple of years.. in that time, keep talking to your parents and let them know how you feel. You can also contact adyata and tell him how you feel and maybe he will break off the engagement. Or track down your cousin poonam and talk to her, since she knows your family and situation she can give the best advice about your options.

Answer 2

I dont know what the rules are in london but i know in the states you have to be at least 21 and have either had a kid or never want children since its hard to reverse and about the whole arranged marriage thing that sucks i did not realize people still did that well if you have a passport you could take the money you have and run away some where then you wont have to marry him just sve up as much as you can until you turn 18 then grab your money and passport and come to the states or go somewhere else your parents cant control you and to have it set for you to marry some guy without your consent is not right and maybe illegal in some places i understand not wanting to be shunned from the family but you have to stand up for yourself and your happiness so other than those things i dont know what to tell you except look into local laws

Answer 3

I don't know how things are in India, but I doubt you can. My sister wanted to get her tubes tied when she was 26 after her second child and her doctor didn't want to do it because she was so young. Perhaps you could talk to your ob/gyn about getting an IUD or going on the pill or maybe the birth control shot so you don't have to worry about anyone finding your pills. You never know. Your feelings about Adi may change. Sixteen is awfully young to decide that you never want children. You may find that after several years you may want the companionship of your children. II think it would be very difficult to have surgery and hide it from your family even if you can get a doctor to agree to do it. Besides, if your family can force you into an arranged marriage, how confidential can your health care really be. Wouldn't the doctor just tell your parents or your husband? I really hope it all works out for you.

Answer 4

I realize that this is how your culture works and has worked for many many years and I have to respect that. However, you don't sound like you want to be a part of your own culture, and accept things the way they are. What is more important to you? Pleasing your family and making yourself miserable for the rest of your life? Or pleasing yourself and saying goodbye to people who obviously will easily write you off anyway? If I were you, I would let my family disown me for something so stupid. If they really love you how long do you think that will actually last? Probably not forever. You can't get your tubes tied at your age without a parents consent, but you can get an IUD, ask an OB/GYN, and you don't have to tell anyone. If you decide to marry this man because your parents are forcing you to, get an IUD, you won't get pregnant. And no one has to even know about it.

Answer 5

I have a friend who is shiek, and she had an arranged marriage to. She traveled all the way from India to marry a man in Canada, whom she didn't know. She is now in love with her husband.

That doesn't mean you will be in love with yours. Since you know your intended, it probably won't happen for you.

But think of this. If he's really that bad, will he beat you when you are married? Is having that kind of marriage worth not making your parents angry?

As far as getting your tubes tied, talk to your doctor and see if it can be done. (S)he is the only one that can tell you that. Maybe under these circumstances (s)he can made exceptions, or suggest another solution to your problem.

Answer 6

No, you can't. That is major surgery, and since you are underage you will have to have parental consent.

Besides, getting your tubes tied now is a bad idea, because later on in life you may decide you want children. At that point, you won't be able to have your own.

What you CAN get without parental consent are birth control pills. Go to your doctor or Planned Parenthood and they will provide you with Birth Control. Those are easy to keep hidden, and you will have a good chance of not getting pregnant (As with any form of birth control, there is a chance you'll get pregnant...even with the surgery. I know this because my mom had her tubes tied, yet 4 years later she got pregnant with me!!! scary!!! so nothing is sure regarding babies).

Answer 7

in the USA a doctor wont tie your tubes at such a young age. they have birth control. try that first. you could keep it a secret .someday you will want to have kids. i dont know where you live. it always seems so unfair with prearranged marriages.
someday women will be free everywhere.

UPDATED

they have birth control thats a shot every 3 month . they also have other forms of bc. other than pills to be found. last time i heard women in London were free to choose. make a stand against this marriage. this is your life we are talking about.

Answer 8

nope, you have to be at least 18 in most states inorder to have your tubes tied. My friend here (in NY) had to wait until the age of 25. My concern is that although I understand why you do not want to have children by this particular man, getting your tubes tied is serious business and permanent. If after a few years of being with this man, you may grow to respect him and possibly fall in love with him. In a few years from now, you may want to have children and if you get your tubes tied now, you risk never having children at all.

Answer 9

You're old enough to leave home and there are plenty of help centers for girls in your situation...no-one in a so-called civilized society should be forced into an arranged marriage these days! Check out the information in the link below for more information...you have a voice and a mind of your own...use them!
You can also find more information here:
http://www.fco.gov.uk/servlet/Front?pagename=OpenMarket/Xcelerate/ShowPage&c=Page&cid=1094234857863

If your family loved you and wanted you to be happy, they would not force you into this degrading and sexist action. Visit someone you can trust as soon as you can and tell them you do not want to be forced into this marriage under any circumstances...they may be able to point you in the right direction...I wish you well!

Answer 10

naam,

Hard to imagine that there are countries where this type of arrangement is still common...You'll find that most people who will respond to your question have NO IDEA the pickle you're in...completely different culture and mindset, you see...

I take it you are in India. I don't know about how things are done there, but in the U.S., a surgeon would be quite hard pressed to perform a tubal ligation on someone so very young.

There is hormonal birth control, but I don't know if you are able to get it. I wish I had words to encourage you...you are in one very tough spot.

Saw your addendum...seems you still have very little chance of having a tubal done, in London. Say you convince a dolt of a surgeon who will perform the operation...I understand that elective surgery may take two years or more on schedule before they are performed.

Sorry, love.