If you Know something-Do you Always tell?

Question

I have recently learned that an ex-boyfirend has just gotten engaged. He has been with the fiance for 4+ years. However, a couple of years back his childhood best friend stated that the fiance had hit on him and when he rejected her, she made up a story about him being a thief and the friends never spoke again. My ex has no idea that this happened as there was never a good time to say it to his friend. I have learned of the engagement and feel that he should have this information as I would want to know. How do I go about telling him? I have not dated him in almost ten years and do not see him often.I know that it will hurt him especially coming from me, but I feel almost obligated before he ruins his life. I just want to get it off my chest as I feel he is entitled to the info. Please Help!!

Answer 1

Leave well enough alone.
People change, and people grow.
If you expose this person you will run the risk of becomming the next target.
Tis better to keep the enemy in front than to drive them behind.
She will target you if you speak.

Answer 2

Sounds to me like a nice gesture...but, are you truly just a good samaritan, or do you secretly have some unresolved feelings still for this guy. Even years later feelings can come back and you might not be looking to date him again, but could you possibly be viewing yourself as a much better choice for him than his current fiance and you just can't understand why he doesn't see it.

If you DO decide to help him out here...I would approach it VERY carefully and certainly make sure my facts were straight and accurate before approaching.

Why not just talk to his childhood best friend and let that guy talk to your ex about it. I know personally that i would receive it better that way - unless of course the truth is the other way around and in fact this childhood friend hit on his fiance or flirted first.

Sounds kinda like the Mayor of SAN FRAN SICKO!

Answer 3

If you aren't talking to your ex very much it doesn't sound like he's a huge part of your life. I'm guilty of wanting to fix people's lives, too, but the fact is that if your ex's friend wanted him to know about the fiancee, he would tell your ex himself. That situation could have happened when she was younger, or maybe there's even more to the story. To get involved and cause trouble when you weren't there and don't know all of the facts isn't going to make anyone feel better and I'm afraid you'll regret being the one who spilled the beans. It'll just look like you don't want him to be happy, even if it's completely true.

Answer 4

I don't think its such a great idea to tell him, especially since you guys don't see each other often. He might take it the wrong way and think that you are still bitter and want to ruin things between him and his fiance. If he has been with her for four years then I am sure they have come to know each other well and that he is willing to commit to her regardless of what happened years ago. I don't think it's your place to say anything. I hardly think that something like that will "ruin his life".

Answer 5

This is a very hard decision to make. But most importantly you know the answer to this....I'm shore. Everything we need answers to we get them from are heart and are first instincts. IF you feel that this is important, and that he should know, tell him, but also my question to you is if somebody knew about this they should of told him way back when it happend, because its hard to just tell someone 4 yrs later, im shore he is probably going to say if this was true 4 yrs or however many yrs ago, why havent anyone told me. I think that when you bring this to him it may bring up other issues, so You may also want to think about that. But tell him. and someone should have told him this a long long time ago, because waiting makes things worse, and not so effected as if telling someone what happens 1 week ago or 2 weeks ago, but yrs...i would be upset with whoever told me, because then i want to know why so long

Answer 6

Would you be doing this to make you feel better or him? If you have not been close to this person in a while, he will most likely think you are just being jealous. You are also basing your info on what someone told you...no hard facts? It may not be true. Then, how would you feel if you told him? He has been with this person for 4+ years? If he doesn't know her by now he never will...and it's not your job to teach him. He nad his friend should do their own "making up" if they want to. It's not up to you.
Want to make yourself feel better? Write him a letter. Spilling everything. Then, NEVER mail it. This is a case for MYOB (mind-your-own-business)...

Answer 7

I dont think he has to know. He is engaged so he should know his wife to be better than anyone and if he doesnt...well he will learn, but for himself,if you tell him this how will it help? do you think he´ll break it off just because something his future wife did a long time ago ? do you think he will question your motives ? do you think he will still go ahead with the wedding but be plagued by doubt ? do you want that ? if you can think of any GOOD reason to tell him then go ahead but if you cant its really only going to do damage rather than good.

Answer 8

First of all why bring up something that's over and done with two years ago and why even think of it- secondly, I think they can work out their own problems etc. so you shouldn't interfer. He is a big boy so I am sure he knows what he is looking for in his life. It is an engagement , they haven't married yet.

Answer 9

I do not think you should say anything. You have no obligation and after 10 years you need to move on..

Answer 10

If he hears that coming from you he will believe that you want to ruin his life... so let it be. Let him find out for himself. She could have changed or gotten worse. If it is worse he will find out but even then donot go running and telling him you knew. I can see that he is still in your system... let him out girl... he's no longer your responsibilty.