He still talks to his ex....?

Question

My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years. He is still friends with his ex that he broke up with almost 6 years ago. He still talks to her probably 2-3 times per week, but he never tells me that he talks to her. The only reason I know is because I look at his phone. Whenever I say anything to him, he tells me that I am just jealous, that nothing is going on, and that I am insecure. He also says that he does not have to tell me when he talks to her. I think that it is disrespectful to not take my feelings into consideration about this. I know that he would not cheat on me, but this is more about him being emotionally closer to her than me. The few times that he has talked to her in front of me, he laughs and jokes with her, and then as soon as he is done talking, he goes back to being...not like he is with her. I don't know that telling him to not talk to her again would make me feel better, but I don't know what else to do. Any suggestions?

In response to one of the answers - he does not have children with her. They were actually never married, just engaged. He tells me that they were better friends than they were together, but I still don't know why he can't tell me when he talks to her (he says he just doesn't think about it). Everytime I look at him, I wonder if he is thinking about her and it is killing me.

Answer 1

He is showing he cares more about losing her friendship then the effects it has on you Basically he cares more about her feelings than yours, so you need to put it to him in a way he will understand that's the way you feel about it. He's not good for you if you let him know it hurts you and he blatantly blames you saying you're jealous. If he truly loves you, you'd be worth the loss of that friendship to him.

Answer 2

TRUST that is the key here do you trust him if the answer is yes then cut him some slack not a lot but a little. Your feelings are valid however his are also you and him need to sit and talk about this. Ex-girlfriends are always a bad source between couples because he has a history with her it bothers you but you going into his personal phone is not good either. You may say your not being noisey but your looking for something and you will find it if you look hard enough.

A relationship takes 2 and only 2 he can have friends and you can have friends but when it is time for a best friend you and him are it. If you can except the relationship he has with his ex that is good however he needs to make you a part of that relationship and if he nor you can do that then what is next avoid the situations that are unconfortable meaning he has to give that up and if he does not want to then he is not too considerate of you however you must also trust him and not look for fault. We all act differently around folks my wife is serious does not like gossip and other things I do I love it so when we talk it is about truth and not fiction. She and I talk shortly on the phone but she can talk to her mom or sister a long time so I know how you feel I think why do you not tell me all this and you tell them and the truth is because they listen and I analize and turn it into a debate so when I get better at just listing she will tell me more and I can accept this.

Good luck in your relationship

Answer 3

Do NOT tell him not to talk to her anymore. You will only make this situation worse if you do that. I do know how you feel tho..almost. I looked at my boyfriends phone this morning and found a text message from his ex telling him to call her and that she misses him. I have an easy boyfriend to talk to however and we're working it out on yahoo messaging while hes at work right now. As for you....honey, you just need to tell him that you're very uncomfortable with him talking to her because you feel like hes closer emotionally to her than to you. Dont make it sound that ur upset because ur JEALOUS, make sure he understands that you just feel he has more of an emotional connection with her. Ask him if thats true. Good Luck!

Answer 4

I understand your feeling. He is not being very understanding to you and your feeling. I don't think ex-wife should be calling that much especially when she know that he is re-married. I mean she after all is a ex If talking to him is not working I think some counseling needs to be done to get to the basic problem he has. Because apparently he has some kind of feeling of obligation to her. He must love you because he married you. But for some reason the ex does not want to let go.

Answer 5

I would tell him, you have a choice her or me,,, and if he still wants to talk to her all the time then i would find someone else to spend my time with, he is married to you and you deserve more respect than that. It is your concern when he spends time talking to his ex, remind him that she is his ex for a reason, and let him know how you feel when he talks and laughs with her and he dosen't act the same around you, he i feel is just wanting his cake and eat it to, that i wouldn't put up with, tell him you wont come in second for anyone. He made a vow to you and he needs to keep it. But me myself i would do the tit for tat thing, what he could do i could do better, lol, Good luck to you.

Answer 6

First of all NO ONE ON EARTH knows for sure if the person that is with us at one point or the other will be unfaithful to us. SO DON'T BE SURE ABOUT ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD!!
With that said, let me tell you that you should not tell him what to do- I agree that this will indeed push him away and maybe because of anger he will do exactly the opposite of what you want- what I would do is sit him down , tell him what I am feeling and seeing and then after all that is said I would tell him to put himself in my position to see if he would like it.
Luck to you.

Answer 7

well, was he talking to her when you guys were dating and engaged? because if the answer is yes, did you think that a ring and a ceremony would change his behavior?

if not, you should talk to some of YOUR ex's and let him "find out" about it and see how much he likes it. no matter what, he shouldn't be putting his EX's feelings above yours. if he does, i would TOTALLY think that he's cheating because she shouldn't matter more than you or there's something wrong going on.

Answer 8

seems as if they still have some connection , my boyfriend has an ex right here in town, but there is no communication between them, as it would certainly be disrespectful to me. it would not be anything i would be comfortable with. emotional closeness is sometimes alot worse than just sex and lust, as when one has this emotional closeness it robs the present spouse of something. u also see he is different with her, seems at ease, even happy, than when we gets off the phone he is not the same with u, would give him an ultimatum but be prepared to leave the marriage if he refuses . than u will know the truth about it. no one should have this kind of problem in their relationship, even if it is just emotional, as emotional sometimes leads to a full blown affair.

Answer 9

What a creep, you have every right to not want him calling her. Tell him the marriage is over if he doesn't stop. With the attitude he has, if you cave in on this, he well do what ever he pleases and never have any regard for your feelings.

Answer 10

The real question here is do you trust your husband.If you trust your husband then you have nothing to worry about.If you are secure in your marriage then you have nothing to worry about.I am sure that you have some male friends start talking to them more and see how he likes it.What's good for the goose is good for the gander.Good Luck.