I have been married for 14 months. My husband does not put me first, he is self centered. What do i do?

Question

I have been talking to him about it. Today i wanted to see a movie he said no that he does not want to see that today. we argued a bit then i told him to do wat pleases him. he put d one he wanted to see. He was watching and laughing alone, while i tried putting our 4months old baby to sleep

Answer 1

1. stop waiting for your husband. STOP WAITING FOR YOUR HUSBAND. if he is putting himself first and leaving you behind then why are you sitting there waiting for him?
2. you need to start living your life for you. just because you are married doesn't mean that you have to stop living your life
3. start hanging out with your friends. if you don't have any then get some. start going places and doing things...even by yourself. if you want to go to see a movie...then take yourself. leave your husband at home to himself
4. if you don't have a job..get one. you need to be financially independent. you need to have your own source of income and your own bank account in your name only

maybe if your husband begins to notice that you are not there to watch him put himself first he may change his habits. instead of waiting for him to put you first....YOU put you first. because he is neglecting your needs. and he only has himself to blame. i'm not saying to go out and cheat...just stop sitting there trying to talk to him about his selfishness.

Answer 2

You didn't give us much infor to work on but all the same i'll say what i can. I guess its a time for you two to blend and i bet you its not an easy situation for anyone. So, be patient. Don't be too quick to assume that you're the only one who's got a problem as far as your marriage is concern. Partners turn to wander after the honey month if they got married to the right person, its normal. Your husband may also have some stuff in his head...who knows what...that's affecting his behavior towards you. Don't criticize and don't be defensive instead be more loving and patience. I'll suggest you be a "wife".....talk to him about the past beautiful memories you guys must have shared together, tell him what a wonderful man he was and how much you wanted to be his wife(if only its true), tell him you'll want to be the best wife to him in everyway, ask him if there's anything at the moment about you he doesn't really appreciate......that you're ready to compromise to make him happy. With this, if properly done, you'll get him to open up to you.

NB. Create a conducive atmosphere, don't dare to talk things out if your feeling angry and defensive!!!

Dear, i bet you if your husband is happy then you're happy . If he does not put you first then put him first. Marriage is to complete each other not to compete with each other. Don't look too much on what you can gain out of the marriage but instead on what you can give into the marriage to make it successful.

If you transform yourself--your attitude, the way you communicate, how often you show love and affection--your partner will be incapable of resisting. A happy, fulfilling relationship begins with you.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

It is human nature t be sort of self-centered. It takes work to overcome this natural tendency.
Definitely talk about it, but go into the discussion with a couple of suggested solutions. Perhaps he is not aware of your expectations. Be willing to compromise. Set the example - Do you put him first? Tell him so, and give examples of how you do it. Then tell him exactly what you want him to do to show he is putting you first. Setting clear expectations is the first step to harmony in your relationship.

I married a man who had been a bachelor for 10 years. He has lots of interests outside of work and it is sometimes difficult to get the attention I need and feel I deserve when his time is spread over so many different things. When he wants to take on a new hobby or activity, I am quick to point out all the things he is already involved with, and ask him when we will have together time if he adds one more thing to his already full life. Sometimes he does it anyway and I am miserable for a few months until he realizes that he's filled up his life with everything but me. That's when I tell him something has to go...and I don't think he wants it to be me. So he drops an activity and we get more time together. This cycle repeats itself over the years...
One way of dealing with it is to make myself busy with activities that do not involve him. He LOVES it when I do that.

Answer 4

Why is it that every question on relationships and marriage are all women saying that the man doesn't do enough for them? Do y'all ever think maybe you aren't doing enough for them?

That being said...You didn't know this before you got married? Guys don't just change when they get a ring on thier finger. Thats a woman thing.

ADDITION: Why didn't you go ahead and sit down and watch that movie with him? It might not be the one you wanted to watch...but you could have made an effort. Im not saying this to be mean, but stop being the victim. Either work with him, talk to him and both make changes, or pack up and move out. But you are not going to get anywhere like this.

Answer 5

I have been married for three years and in these three years i have noticed the men seem to be more selfish and worring about there own needs instead of ours, well this might sound hard but keep on putting him first eventuly he will notice your consitancy and your love for him . sometimes in my marriage i feel like the only thing to do is to give up but then i realize i promised to love and cherish him through thick and thin,

you know the marriage is like a roller coaster ride hold on tight and dont let go

Answer 6

Had the same problem, it was all about him. His brother got a hold of him and told him to be a man, it worked. That was over 30 years ago and I have had the most wonderful husband ever since then. See if someone he respects can have a talk with him, coming from you could be considered nagging.

Answer 7

It means that you don't have any child yet ??
Cos children should come first.. but to me it's like
you wanna be in front of him, whilst you should be
of the same position.. Not you coming first or him
before you..
If you're feeling the insecurity,, it will just eat your
flesh in the end, until you have nothing left.
You'll be suffocated till you can't breath anymore.

I was there for years and years.. till I was left with
no other choice,, We've been divorced now for more
than 8yrs, then he wants me back after a while but
NO,, it's far way better..

But talk to him especially at bedtime, when you're
lying together, but pick his best mood.

Answer 8

You really don't give enough for me to go on. There are some areas that a man will always be self centered just like a woman. But if you give more detail like on what does he not put you first and how is he self centered then I can help

Answer 9

I am so sorry to read about this. First of all this you should have seen it coming if you saw the same attitude during the courtship years- Talk to your husband, tell him how you are feeling, show him the any relationship is a 50/50 deal. Love takes lots of effort and work, lots of little love demonstrations every day is the key to happiness. In his world you should be first- in your world he should be first- tell him this and show him what those words mean.
Luck to you both.

Answer 10

The real issue here is how did he treat you before you got married. If he was self centered then, I don't understand why you are complaining about it now. If it is something that has come up since the marriage, then you need to confront him and find out what is making this happen.