please someone be honest?

Question

my husband, he is a good provider, a good father. he never hits me or the kids, nothing like that, the problem is, if i do anything that he doesn't like or if he doesn't get his way, he yells at me and curses and acts like he is going to kill himself. he wants to open a new business and i am really trying to help him fill out paperwork, call appropriate places, etc. but last night i he told me to fill out some papers for him and i told him i thought we needed more information before we mailed them out and he became very mean and cursed at me and yelled, i started crying in front of the kids, and he said "well no one ever wants to help me" i guess i'll just forget my dream. the thing is, it is something different that is his dream every 6 months, i have been thinking about leaving-what would you do

Answer 1

You wait until he calms down and tell him, look I am trying to help you, and if you want my help then I will do it how I feel is necessary. If you think you need to ask more questions then ask. Tell him if he continues to yell at you when you are trying to help that you do not want to help anymore. And you could also point out to him that maybe the reason no one wants to help is no one wants to get yelled at for trying. I personally think he needs a legal adviser to help him with papers if he is trying to start a "new business"

Answer 2

Your husband sounds really immature, mine is a lot like yours among many other things. I think you have to decide whether you can live with this behavior or not. I know divorce is a tough decision and only you know how much you can take. His yelling and cursing at you is a form of emotional abuse to you and your children for having to see it. Everyone in here always says see a therapist but I always think that is the easiest answer. Many times you can't get both parties to attend and some don't have enough money. Sometimes there are people out there that can't learn from it or be fixed. Your husband probably doesn't even realize his behavior is a problem and would say you have the problem if you confronted him about it. as mine does the same. Good Luck and I wish you the best.

Answer 3

OK

If this is his biggest problem, I personally think this is something that can be fixed. IF he wants to fix it.

He has self esteem issues. Big ones. He feels he can't do things without your help. And when you tell him that he "doesn't have all the information" he feels dumb and gets defensive. The easy way out is to yell and scream and blame you.

We are ALL like that a little bit, but this is obviously too much.

I sincerely hope you tell him to see a therapist. Tell him that you love him but this is not good for anyone, him, you or the kids. This can be fixed. Really. You do play a part in this.

One thing you can do is try to pump up his self esteem. When he does something well tell him. Or just grab him and tell him what a stud he is once and a while. You'll do wonders for your marriage. Most women do not appreciate the power they have to inflate or deflate their husband's ego.

I think leaving would be a drastic decision that is nowhere near necessary now.

EDIT Don't tell him when he's upset. Find a nice Saturday afternoon coffee time, send the kids out to play, and talk.

Also all those people who just cry "he's an abuser leave him" holy smokes - everyone has their problems. Most men have emotionally manipulative wives - this is a form of abuse - you want 60% of men to just up and leave their wives? If nobody is in imminent danger these problems should be tackled head on and dealt with. Often they can be fixed.

EDIT again: to an answerer below: call an assaulted women's helpline over a guy who yells??? Holy smoke! Maybe she should call a fumigator if he farts, or a plumber if he plugs the toilet with too big of a dump. Give me a break!

Answer 4

1st do you love him.. If the answer to this question is yes then don't fall into his area and threaten to leave him... Families are a huge responsibility for both you and him and our stress levels are all different and we handle stress differently.. With all that said the way he treats you is not acceptable in a harmonic relationship and opening a business is going to add 10 times more stress to the relationship. So my advice to you is see if you can fix the marriage first and even if you think you can do it all by yourself your are wrong seek professional help a pastor or marriage counselor talke about what makes each of you tick. My wife is OCD she will refold all the towels after i fold them and get mad at me for helping he do the laundry this make me mad and we fight over what a towel so we talked to a professional about it and we decided that there were some things I could not do to help while I could help in other areas so we work well together now. When we were fighting neither of us knew why we were mad just that we were mad and that is no way to have a relationship..

As the business goes research what you want to do if youare filling out that much paper work you must be tring to get financing so be careful not to jump into something you do not know enuff about and do not have the money to loose. Being your own boss is good and bad. MAke sure you prepare for the future retirment, health expenses and such.

Good lck in you endever and relationship

Answer 5

Honey, I doubt that your husband is going to kill himself. He wouldn’t make it that obvious. Even though he doesn’t hit you or your children he’s verbally abusing you. You need to take a stand not just for you but for your children. He’s not being a good role model for the children and at this point neither are you. You need to try and talk to your husband about how he overreacts to certain things. See he’s willing to get counseling because at this point he seems to have deep seeded issues that needs to work on. Let him know that how he’s treating you isn’t fair to any of you and you want to help him but he’s got to help himself first. Let him know that because he has way to many dreams that he doesn’t follow through with, it’s hard to tell when he’s serious and when he’s not. Let him know that your family can’t afford a bunch of half baked dreams that could send you right to the poor house. If you’re able to I’d leave separate from him until he gets his act together. Right now he’s depending on you to make his life better than what it is without trying to do anything for himself. He needs to make himself happy before he can make you, your children or anyone else happy. He has to make his life not you, put your foot down and make him do something for himself of walk out the door. I’m sure you already know you can do bad all by yourself.

Answer 6

this is verbal abuse, you should look in the front pages of the yellow pages and look up assaulted womens help line and tell then that you are dealing with verbal abuse from your husband and that you need some couselling. Then you need to convice him to go for anger managment course. If he won't there is nothing you can do except get strong in couselling and tell him if he doesn't go for anger management you will have to get a divorce. He also should see a cousellor if he will do that at least maybe he could work out his anger and get on an antidepressant because he sounds very depressed. I hope this helps. Take care Heather

Answer 7

Get counseling. He has an underlined issue that you can't fix. Until he sits and talks somethings out and get to the bottom of it his self he probably doesn't even know why he does it. It you want to stay but are thinking about leaving tell him that you staying is only if he gets counseling. Sometimes when people do things they say stuff like "that's just the way I am" or "I have always been this way", but in reality what they are saying is my past and my up bringing bad or good has molded me to be this way. So until he finds out what has molded him into the person that he is you or him can't do anything about it. Good luck!

Answer 8

That is a tough situation and I feel for you and the kids. I was in a similar situation and what helped was confronting her and telling her I was tired of walking on eggshells. If she wanted me to stay, she'd have to get some help and I'd be willing to support her through it.

I had another friend who packed the kids and left her husband temporarily just to show him that she was serious and to give him a taste of what he was forcing her to do. They are back together now.

Don't give up - all is not lost yet.

Answer 9

He needs to grow up!! He's having tantrums like a 2 year old!! Are most of his dreams "get rich quick ideas?" Remind him that you are NOT his MOM, and that he is quite capable of filling out his own paperwork!! He shouldn't speak you like that, especially in front of the kids!! Don't let him get away with that!! He will only treat you the way you LET him treat you!! See if he'll go to counceling with you, if not, then maybe it is time to leave!!!

Answer 10

I don't quite get the situation...I mean is your husband always been like this? have you ever try to talk to him that you don't like the way he cursed and yelled at you? Well, before you make up your mind...I think you should put your children into a consideration as well...cuz this will also affetc them...however...if you try everyway it still hasn't gotten any better...then may be you are better off...And also you can try a family cosultant