we have a 3 yr old which makes this even harder. she chated with my ex-best friend 6 yrs ago but i just found out 3 months ago(physical). she also has been talking to another guy recently for about a year(emotional). i know i'm to blame for part of this because i don't show her the attention she needs. she lied about her new friend but i found out on my own about him. she says she has quit talking to him. i just need some good advice on what i should do or how i should act toward her about this. thanks for any help.
2007-02-06 00:31:26 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Seems she's not going to stop, if it's not with this guy, it'll be with another. Be prepared for more hurt, or prepare to leave and make a new life for yourself.
2007-02-06 00:36:43 · answer #1 · answered by Emily S 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First do NOT blame yourself.There is no excuse,reason or justification for cheating.If you feel like you had not shown your wife the attention that she needed that is one thing but that certainly does NOT excuse her cheating.With that said let me also say that Trust is everything in a relationship/marriage without Trust you have nothing.Your wife is the cause of your marriage being challenged right now she is the one that broke the rules and cheated.If you don't trust your wife then you are merely existing with her.You said that you have a 3yr old child and that is a blessing but that is no reason to stay in a marriage that involved infidelity.The worst mistake that parents make is using the excuse of having children for staying in a marriage that has failed.The children pay the ultimate price in the end when parents try to stay together.My sympathy goes out to you because you have some serious decisions to make.If you cannot trust your wife you need to obsolve the marriage and continue to be a father to your daughter.Good Luck to you.
2007-02-06 01:15:42 · answer #2 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. As you’ve said you’ve got a minor child involved so you have to consider the child. However, if there’s a lot of arguing within your home that’s not good for the child either and someone shouldn’t be there. You need to sit and think long and hard about how you feel about your wife. If you love her and feel that your marriage is worth saving then you should work towards saving it. That means you both would need to get into some counseling. Now if you feel that it’s worth saving you need to stop and think can you get beyond her cheating on you and let it go. Now when I say let it go that means not affect your feelings for your family to the point that the first time she does something or isn’t at home by a certain time you throw it in her face. You have to be able to move beyond this and let it go forgive her but that’s not to say forget what she’s done. If you feel that you can’t get beyond it then you need to take the necessary steps to dissolve the marriage and just deal with her for the sake of your child. You can be in her life as far as your child and keep it as friendly as possible. If you need to perhaps you’d consider talking to a counselor at this time to see if they can help you come up with best for you. I wish you the very best.
2007-02-06 00:43:53 · answer #3 · answered by Pisces Princess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want this to work you must take the high road. Obviously you feel that you have not shown her the attention she needs. Make up for it now. Don't continue to make that mistake. If she is getting what she needs emotionally and physically at home she will not have to look else where, or be led astray by someone giving her attention outside of home. I recommend reading The Five Love Languages and The Act of Marriage both great books that will help any relationship especially a marriage with some issues . Good Luck!
2007-02-06 00:40:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
if she is really serious about u, she should be showing alot of remorse about now, acknowledging her wrong hurt u, she should be doing all she can do t put it back together. she should not be blaming u, as there is no reason to cheat on someone, just because she didn't get exactly what she wanted when she wanted it. if she is lying it is not a good sign, as marriage is built on trust and honesty. makes it really hard when there is a child to consider. therapy could help alot, in opening up the lines of communication between u and her. alot has to happen before u can trust her again, she has to understand your not just going to automatically trust as u always did, u have gotten quite a shock and it may take some time to work through it. find out what is in her heart, how she responds to u, and your feeling's. no one knows why people have to deceive others for their own selfish desires, but they do. depends alot on her response.
2007-02-06 00:46:58 · answer #5 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My wife had an emotional affair and I don't think I'll ever get over it completely. It is a very difficult situation, only made harder with children involved. The only way it will work is if she agrees to break communication off completely with these men. Going forward, she willing have to be will to check in with you, show you her phone and email whenever you want to see it, etc.
Realistically, divorce is probably going to be your best option as you will never be able to trust her 100% ever again.
2007-02-06 00:40:05 · answer #6 · answered by Back in the game... 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like the two of you have grown apart. If you love her you should sit down with her and discuss the situation again. Maybe, she isn't telling you exactly how she feels. If she doesn't feel like having physical and emotional intimacy with you, and you want this, maybe it is time to move on. You can still be friends and who knows you might rekindle the spark between you and her again.
2016-03-15 07:43:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
THIS IS O TOUGH QUESTION... ONLY YOU CAN DECIDE IF WHAT HAS BEEN DONE WILL AFFECT YOU RELATIONSHIP IN THE FUTURE. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO RESOLVE THIS THAN SHE SHOULD AGREE TO COUNSELING AND TO BE HONEST WITH YOU. IF YOU THINK IT WIL ALWAYS MAKE YOU FEEL SECOND BEST THAN BREAKING IT OFF MAY BE AN OPTION. YOU DO HAVE A CHILD TO CONSIDER BUT I DON'T BELIEVE THAT YOU SHOULD ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE UNHAPPY AND USED FOR ANY REASON. UNFORTUNATELY THERE IS NO REAL ANSWER TO THIS, YOU HAVE TO BASE YOUR DECISION ON HOW YOUR MARRIAGE HAS BEEN, WHAT IT MEANS TO YOU, AND IF IT IS WORTH SAVING. MOST OF ALL CAN YOU TRUST HER AGAIN AND WILL SHE BE FAITHFUL TO YOU...
2007-02-06 00:43:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I FEEL SORRY FOR THE PREDICAMENT YOU FIND YOURSELF IN. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE CHEATED ON BY THEIR SPOUSE. IF THERE ARE DIFFICULTIES IN A MARRIAGE THEN THEY SHOULD BE TALKED ABOUT AND MADE BETTER. IF THE SITUATION CANNOT BE CORRECTED THEN MAYBE DIVORCE IS THE BEST OPTION. THE ONE THING THAT CONCERNS ME, AS A FAITHFUL WIFE AND MOTHER OF 15 YEARS IS WHETHER OR NOT YOUR 3Y0 IS ACTUALLY YOURS OR NOT. I WOULD GET A PATERNITY TEST DONE AND WHETHER OR NOT I WAS TO RECOMMEND YOU STAYING WITH YOUR WIFE WOULD DEPEND ON THE RESULT. IF THE CHILD IS YOURS DO YOUR BEST TO STAY IN THEIR LIFE BUT GET AWAY FROM THE WIFE. IF THE CHILD IS NOT YOURS GET OUT OF THE PICTURE ENTIRELY AND START YOUR LIFE AFRESH.
2007-02-06 00:41:05 · answer #9 · answered by LEEANE G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would get her some help. Take her to counseling and have her talk to someone. That is not normal behavior. It won't change on her own.. she needs help. There is reasons as to why she's doing the things she is, and there may be somehting with her childhood. I don't know... but get her some help. She can change with help if she chooses too.
2007-02-06 00:37:36 · answer #10 · answered by iwuvmyhubby 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋