How do you deal with husband's family?

Question

How do you deal with a whole family that is only from the husband's side and my own family is abroad?

- Very hard core mother in law (judgemental, critical and always negative any efforts I try for her), old fashioned bossy father in law who wants to govern my own marriage as if I am a project in his life, depressed and negative brother in law (who's just divorced and living with mummy and left a beautiful wife & kids alone!), and a wild sister in law that never is around to deal with her family but comes time to time and takes her mother's side when I have a problem with my mother in law.

Husband tries2 keep the peace by saying beautiful things about them that I know they do not say, as they do critisize & embaress me2 my face, so obviously they wouldn't say beautiful things behind my back as husband says they do!

How do you deal with such miserable people & not show how much you dislike them and never want to change how you are brought up by your own happy family abroad?

Answer 1

My inlaws are just as bad, if not worse, and to tell you the truth, I have found that the only way to deal with them is to limit contact as much as possible.

We tried to rise above the negativity, but it kept bringing us down. It got to the point where we would both become physically ill days before we knew we were going to see them, and then as we were driving, we'd both get panic attacks. So, we decided for our own personal wellbeings and for the sake of the happiness of our marriage, we'd just avoid them.

We see them about once or twice a year, and all the while we see them, we are just as phony as they are. We don't volunteer information, we always, always stick together when we're aroudn them, and we try to limit conversation as much as possible, so we don't hear as much negativity and criticism.

Oh, and my husband is a very dear man, who loves with me and sides with me (privately) against his parents. He has really never given him the piece of mind that I thought he should. It bothered me at first, but then I realized that if he's willing to give up seeing his family but for once or twice a year, he really has defended me, just not in the way I would have expected. I guess what I'm getting at, is you don't need a screaming match to occur between your husband and his family to get the message across. If he's like mine, and limits time with them, he has quietly and peacefully taken your side.

Is it the most mature way to deal with these people? Probably not, but we learned that when dealing with immature, negative, awful people, the name of the game is survival, not being proper. Good luck!

(By the way, they were visibly upset to hear we were pregnant! Didn't even feign a congratulations, just so you know what I'm dealing with).

Answer 2

I do not think there is a way to "deal" with a situation like this without upsetting them..... it sounds like a can be very miserable....

I would first ask my husband for some assistance in talking to them.... let him know how they are making you feel.... if at all possible? spend less and less time till you see them never...

if your husband won't or "can't" face down mom and dad for you? have a sitdown with your mother inlaw first... see where she is at? is she just trying to help in her own way (pushing bossy way?) or does she not like you for some odd reason? ask her how she got along with her mother inlaw? that might give you an indication on how to proceed... I had one that did not nothing but complain, boss.. take over with my children even... criticized everything... I was even told I did not know how to brush my daughter's hair! but I sat her down when I finally had enough, I did and do care about her.. and genuinely wanted a good relationship.... so I started with asking her to have tea and while we were talking about her marriage (that had ended) it came up the topic of how her mother inlaw was mean, critical, overbearing...... I asked what she did....? and when she was done? I did the same thing that she had done....

father inlaw? I would talk to him too... alone... the brother? let him wallow and ignore him....

if you can't talk to any of them? the only other option sounds as if it would be to seperate yourself from them so they do not poison your family... ? unfortunately... sorry to say.....
I hope you can tlak it out and come to a happy medium with them though.... goodluck

Answer 3

I feel for you. You must miss your family so much!Dealing with inlaws can be a hard thing to do but sounds like you have to do something before they drive you crazy! I would start with your husband - sit him down and explain tell him your feelings and how for feel they mistreat you. I'm sure that he help you deal with them if he knows how much you are hurting. Maybe you could both sit down with the family and talk about boundaries.
If this just won't work, then mybe you could start doing family activities, with just your hubby and kids so that you are busy and don't have as much free time to spend with them. Another bonus to this is your family will get to try some new things and grow stronger without the outside family influences.
Good Luck with this!

Answer 4

My in-laws all act like you say your mother-in-law does. I just distance myself from them. I don't want them here much or for long visits. And I rarely visit them or only for short periods of time. The only reason I do is because I have 4 kids that the love to see. Only to judge and criticize how they're dressed or how their hair looks. No matter how much I spend on dressing them up, they always find something negative to say.

Answer 5

As the others said, try to avoid them. Spend as little time with them as possible, without being rude. When you are with them try to smile and perhaps agree once in awhile with their criticism, like: "you may be right, I'll have to try that". (but only if it is something reasonable). That should stop them in their tracks, at least for the moment.

Your husband should tell them that he won't put up with the way they are treating you. You need to talk to him and tell him that you respect them and they should respect you. He also needs to explain to them that your ways may be different from theirs but that doesn't make your way wrong. You are his wife and the Mother of their grandchildren. You may not really like each other, but respect is something else.

Answer 6

Easy, avoid them, do not go around them, tell them they will not ever see you because you are tired of their crap, do not make your life miserable because of these few people, stand above them. If my husbands family treated me like that, they would of already been cussed out and avoided for good.

Answer 7

Don't let it bother you. You married him not his family. Just be nice you are around them and if they something you don't like then just ignore it if you can. As long as you're happy that's all that matters. Don't let them bring you down. Good luck.

Answer 8

Just try to ignore them and keep your life as pleasant as possible. But you need to get your husband to realize by not defending you, it does hurt you greatly. If he were to say something, I bet they would watch their words with you.
You can have my psycho freakish Motherinlaw. She took off 5 years ago and left me her then 12y/o (now 18) to raise and we haven't seen her since.

Answer 9

MY FAMILY IS THE SAME WAY. MY WIFE AND CHILDREN PUT UP WITH IT FOR YEARS. AFTER A WHILE I GOT REALLY SICK OF IT AND TOLD THEM THEY ARE NO LONGER A PART OF OUR LIVES. THEY CAN NOT TREAT MY WIFE AND CHILDREN THE WAY THEY DESERVE, SO THEY WILL NO LONGER HAVE THE CHANCE TO PUT THEM DOWN. THE END!!! AND ALL IS WELL... BEST THING I COULD HAVE DONE...GOOD LUCK

Answer 10

hello ,

i am an Indian my answer is : if my husband doesn't say any thing agings them that's fine but i still love him and won't say any thing and i all was take care of my husband family member whatever they do Bax this is my family ,,, and every night has a beautiful shiny day!!!!!!!! tanks for this opportunity

hiral shah