What's the best thing to do if you just can't get along with your team at work?

Question

It may be me, I don't know. I've tried a lot of different approaches, but it always ends up just being easier to not try to communicate with them, but this makes my day a drag. It's been over a year now. I'm looking for a new job, but I guess I'm wanting some suggestions to make it more bearable while I'm still here.

Just a quick add - please keep the answers coming. To the couple of people who have suggested a smile and a friendly 'Good morning' ... just to give you a sense of things, I do that, and I have done for as long as I've been there. They ignore me - like, actually ignore me. I've been in the workforce many years and I've never had this problem before, and these four have worked together with no lasting new blood for five years. I'm not placing blame, but I have no track record of being a hard-to-get-on-with person.

Oh, and Mark S - thanks for your answer, it cracked me up.

Answer 1

Try finding something in common. Take a working lunch together. Don't gossip. If that doesn't work, just bring in your ipod and ignore them!

Answer 2

The simplest thing you can do is to be pleasant. It doesn't take much effort. When you see people on a morning, smile (pleasantly - not an "I'm a weirdo" grin -
just a pleasant even smile) and say "good morning". A pleasant demeanor and good manners are all that's necessary most of the time. It's so rare to find people who simply say good morning or good evening with a smile that when someone actually does it, they automatically get written into your good books.

You don't even need to get into small talk or anything if you're not inclined to. But you will be recognized as a non-threatening pleasant person. People will open up to you, or at least smile when they see you. This little thing might make life more bearable in this and any other job

Answer 3

Is it a good job does it have good prospects? Well if the answer is yes then why give it all up. What not to do is become part of the back stabbing team.

Face up to them and confront them asking them what their problem is with you. Tell then if they expect you to be one of the faceless wonders who are always back stabbing then they can think again. You will soon find that you have gained the respect that you deserve and your working day will become more bearable.

Don't give into them please. Just think of the next poor sod if you leave they will have the same thing to put up with as you. So take a stance now. Don't hid your personality away, let them take you as they find you warts and all.


*********E D I T*********

It might seem like you would be kliping on your peers, but do you have team meetings or monthly staff meetings with your boss. It just might be worth mentioning all of this if you are given the opportunity. Just to see their reaction.

It all sounds like sour grapes on their behalf. And the only way to know if they have an axe to grind is to have it all brought out in the open.

I have been where you are and the only thing that cleared the air was a face to face. Transpired that because I did not have the qualifications and only the experience to do the job, they felt aggrieved. Whilst they had the qualifications but not the experience as they were much younger than I. Even though I proved that I could do the job standing on my head and had positive feedback and results to prove this..it did not count in their eyes.


Seems like birds of a feather stick together.

Answer 4

Is your team mainly female or male? I have been in this situation before and I found that I was the wrong side of 25 (i.e. over) and their interests seemed a bit juvenile to me. How did I get round it? When I got in every morning I made of point of saying hello or morning to everyone and asking how their evening/weekend was. I started doing this after one of the girls said that I was stuck up and didn't bother talking to them. Once I made the point of being the one to speak up first and take an interest in them, I got on better. We were never pally but it did make things easier. Although working in an office with girls barely out of their teens didn't do it for me and I eventually found a new job. Not once have I had a problem when I am now - everyone is really friendly and they go out of their way to be nice. So my advice to you, is to find a new job where you will be happy, you spend most of your day there so it's important, and find one with a real mix of people.

Answer 5

Firstly - Mark S - does have a very good point!

Secondly - have you gone for the direct approach - just ask them if they have a problem and if not ask them why they are being tw*ts.!

Sounds to me like they are just plain rude - and really - do you want to waste your time with people like that - especially if your looking for a new job anyway.?

you go to work to earn money - so what if you dont get on with the people there - you dont have to live with them or socialise with them - I know its a main part of your week - but really its not worth getting worked up over.

If you really want to try something - why not offer to make a round of drinks..and try and strike a conversation then with them - if they only want you to make their tea/coffee/cocco - then make sure you spit in it - or give them sugar if they dont take it and leave it out if they do - the sugar high/low should be enough to liven the office up a bit.

Answer 6

2 choices -tell the team members individually that the company is watching how well the group are working together in order to develop there new salary review in time for April. See how nice people become when it is their money involved.
- get yourself a new job and send an email to everybody in the company when you are leaving to say that a smile and a hello each day makes the workplace a happier place, everybody agreed when I sent this email. I think a few are still smiling.

Answer 7

Sounds like you're being bullied. My last job was like this - it got so bad that if my colleague wasn't nasty to me she'd just blank me out. If I said good morning or good night she'd purposefully stare at her screen and not even turn her head, she could blatantly hear me. She was the only person in the office apart from me. I'd get to scared to breathe in case she cast me a glance or critisized me. I put up with this crap for an entire year, I felt so awful that I'd get stomach cramps and panic attacks thinking about going to work, I'd cry alone in my lunch hour and speed away at five o'clock. She turned my boss against me and I left the company on really bad terms. Then she left a really brutal, insulting message on my internet blog and I had to delete it! I left that job six months ago and I have never been happier, I am with genuinely nice people who care about me and they are a good laugh and the work gets donw. You need to find a diofferent job - remember, every workplace is different. I had to work three crappy jobs before I got the one I'm in now. Peace and good luck! xx

Answer 8

I had this to, i found it easier to be professional to them, keep talking to them, and if they dont answer you, they have the problem, dont let it get you down, cos it may affect trying to find a new job.. try a different approach to them, ask them stuff that hey have to answer, whether it be a short conversation or not, make them aware that you are making the effort..

good luck with this, it can be difficult, and i'm sure that after a year, you are at your wits end..
take it easy, and hope that you find something else, where you will be respected... x x

Answer 9

I would definatley consider leaving if this has gone on a year! I had the same problem and it really got me down. You are at work for 8 hours plus a day so dont be unhappy. They will not change and if your not prepared to raise it with HR you may as well start looking. I thought there was no point leaving because I may be worse off thats not always the case......Why should you dread going into work everyday!!
Screw Em...start looking!

Answer 10

It really is crap when it is like that and I sympathise with you. The hard thing is if it is your colleagues that aren't speaking to you, there is little you can change that will turn this situation around. It is them that need to change. Can I suggest that for the time being you stop making the effort, just concentrate on your work. If they aren't going to say hello, then don't say it to them. If you need to speak to them with regards to work issues then do so and keep it to that. Eventually the relationships will develop naturally. If you follow this advice however, it will mean that for a period of time it will be quite lonely in work, so make sure you fill your social life with spending time with mates. What ever you do, don't change your standards. Always be polite and civil, you are the decent person, you should not be the one who changes.

Answer 11

thats horrible for you; i was in a similar situation, where all the others in the office were always bitching the second someone left the room. they were okay with me, but i didnt trust what they might say when my back was turned, so i kept well out of all the gossip. The ipod is a good idea. hope you fins a new job soon, dont give up on that idea, i moved jobs and now i couldnt be happier- good luck.