how do i get him back??

Question

Hey, my bf broke up with me a week and a half ago cos i lied to him about my past and he "caught me". i wrote him an email explaining everything, i only lied cos i know ive changed and regret everything i did an didnt want anything to affect our relationship. i spent a week without knowing anything bout him, i phoned him only twice, cos i didnt wana b annoying, but he didnt pick up. on friday night he phoned me(bit drunk) and basically said that he didnt wana be with me cos he didnt trust me and doesnt wana suffer anymore and that he doesnt like wat i did in the past and he thinks im still the same. spoke to him on saturday again. ive told him that im not the same person anymore, that is why i lied to him, i also said that im sorry for lying i do know ive a commited an error. we said that we were gona b friends and i told him i want to show him that im not the person he thinks. i havent spoken to him since. i really love this guy and wana b with him. what should i do now???

when i spoke to him on saturday he mentioned a bet we had, and that i owe him a dinner. so yesterday night i decided to text him and told him if he still wanted to have dinner with, and to phone me if he accepts...have i done the right thing? is it too early?

Answer 1

if your not the same person as you were before what did you lie for

Answer 2

You didn't say what you did in the past or how long you dated before he found out, so the way to hadle this situation is just a guess, but here goes.

I think you've learned an important lesson in relationships, BE HONEST. If you truly are over these past indiscretions but the reputation lives on in peoples minds, then by all means tell any future interests up front (but only if you feel there is potential for it to go further than casual dating). You are under no obligation to tell anyone of your past unless what ever you did will affect the person in a negitive mannor, such as an std.
But if that is the case, in my mind, you have no business becoming intimate in a casual relationship, even if you order lobster, you owe him nothing but companoinship.

I think the most important thing you need to do is respect yourself, I think I sense a tone of low selfesteam in your question. Remember that you are important and valuable!!!! ABOVE ALL, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER act needy. There is nothing that will turn off a person (of quality), in this case a boy, quicker than his feeling like you are disparate. Oh, and by the way, a man of quality does NOT call a girl after he has been drinking.

If you really want this guy back, I would lay back and let him come after you. What you have done in the past has nothing to do with him and if he feels threatened by your past then he is immature and you can do better.

Good luck dear

Answer 3

Your past is just that, your past. What you did before you met your b/f is your business and has nothing to do with him. Some things are best left unsaid. You did the right thing and he is wrong for judging you. How ever there is a chance the two of you can make it, since you are going to remain friends. I don't think it's too early for anything. If he accepts your payment of debt for dinner out, that is a good step forward. Take things slow, day by day. You will eventually gain his trust again. Right now he is in shock, disappointment and feels let down that he heard about your past from some one else. Sooner or later he will come to realization he has a few skeletons in his closet too. We all do. When the subject comes up again, tell him you have buried your past and you certainly don't intend to dig it up again. And then ask him a few things about his past from the time he was born to present. Don't throw questions at him all at once, like he is on trial. Just casually ask one question for each time you are together. He won't like it. When he starts to show discomfort over your questions, then tell him that now he understands how you feel. Good luck sweetie. Keep up the good work and continue working towards your new life. Don't give up. And, don't look back.

Answer 4

It sounds as though you really love you guy. It’s too bad that he can’t seem to let you past stay just that your past. Give him some time to work things out in his head. Deep down if he’s been with you he already knows that you’re not the person from your past. However in the mean time try and keep the lines of communication open with him. Don’t make yourself into a pest but call him maybe once a day. Try writing him another email or mail him a letter explaining how you’ve changed, make comparisons to what you were and who you are now. Let him know that the only reason that you didn’t tell him about you past life is because you didn’t know how he’d react and you honestly didn’t think it would’ve caused a problem if he eventually found out. You may have to put in a lot of detail so that he can see the changes. Another gesture that might help is sending him flowers with a little note that says you’re sorry. Not saying that you’re sorry for your past but sorry that you hurt him by keeping that part of your life a secret from him. As far as the dinner, that’s a good idea to offer to make good on the bet. Give him a few days to think about accepting or not. If he’s not gotten back to you by the weekend then, I’d say something like, “oh I don’t know if you got the dinner offer as far as the bet. I’d at least like to make good on the bet that I lost. Let me know what date and time you’d like for me to make dinner for you.”

Answer 5

Sweetie if he really loves you he will forgive you.We all have a past.Things we are not proud of.I am sure he has things he wouldn't want to tell you about his past.But you shouldn't have lied
somethings are better left unsaid!!
None of us are perfect and he needs to understand that.If he looking for a perfect women let him keep looking.There is no such thing.Even though us women sometimes think we are.LOL
Don't beat yourself up over this.One mistake does not make you a bad person.You have just learned a life lesson.As he has too.
Say your sorry and move on.We can't change the past.but we can make our future happier by what we learn.
Men are a dime a dozen. If it is meant to be it will work out .If not remember it just wasn't meant to be.Good luck sweetie.

Answer 6

GIRL IF A MAN LOVES YOU HE WILL FORGIVE AND IF HE HAS A PROBLEM FORGIVIN THEN YOU SHOULD LEAVE HIM ALONE OR YOU JUST GOING TO HEAR FROM YOUR MISTAKES FOR EVER.. GO TO THIS DINNER AND IF HE ACTS LIKE HE CANT FORGIVE AND FORGET THEN YOU FORGET... ONLY YOU CAN CLEAN UP YOUR ACT AND YOU DID.. YOU DON'T NEED A LIVE IN JUDGE REMINDING YOU EVERYDAY YOU DID WRONG.. MOVE ON AND NEXT TIME DONT SAY CRAB ABOUT YOUR PAST IF YOU DONT WANT TO YOUR PAST IS YOUR BUSINESS, IF YOU CHANGE YOU COULD FORGET ABOUT IT.AND IF YOU STILL HAVE TO BE HONEST AND TELL MAKE SURE YOU DO SO EARLY IN THE RELATIONSHIP..THAT WAY WHO EVER IT IS DONT HAVE THE NEED OF ASKIN WHY YOU DIDN'T SAY SO EARLIER.. KNOW WHAT I MEAN.. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 7

I think you need to look at why you would care about someone with such immature and atrocious behavior. If there is something in you that feels you deserved this humiliation and feel ok about groveling and begging for his attention, you need to address that with a counselor. The guy sounds like a self centered loser, consider yourself lucky and move on.

If what you did in the past is something someone needs to know, such as a felony, at some point in a relationship, you need to tell him/her, otherwise its none of their business.

Answer 8

i've learned that if it's really love then you guys will be together when the time is right.. My husband and i split up because of a honesty problem and we were split up for 6 months and we just got back together recently and our relationship is still rocky but were ready to work on the things that we need to. You need to be patient with him and understand where he's coming from. No relationship is perfect. There is no fairytale ending to love...everything takes work. Love is when you two understand that and are willing to keep trying no matter what happends in your relationship because giving up is so much easier than putting in the effort to make your relationship work.

Answer 9

Hello oh hey do not worry about it just give him time he will get over it ....You youself knows you have changed from the past ...and if he sees your actions and has no reason or anything to pin on you than hey no need to worry just give him some time ...he will come arround you wait and see take care...what we did in the past its what we are doing now that counts yesterday is dead and gone so he needs to know you really do not like living in the past...and that you really plan not to go backwards but forward

Answer 10

When you loose someones trust, you have to earn their respect back and proove to them that you will never lie again and if you do and he finds out its over. So make up your mind and take him out to dinner and pour out your soul to him and ask him for a second chance and if you get it, don't abuse it again. Take care Heather

Answer 11

You can slowly rebuild his trust in you. Healing from wounds such as this one can be very hard on relationships.