How long does it take before a Military spouse gives up?

Question

I've been married for 3 years and I've been deployed with the U.S Army for half of that.

Answer 1

My friend, who is in the army reserves, and I were just talking about this very topic the other day. And unfortunatly there really is no easy answer. He saw many a friend leave with a "great" relationship, and after a while, there spouses back home for whatever reason gave up, and they came home broken hearted.

Though, to give a good side to the story. My family has a good friend who met a woman, and within a month or so married her. He was a marine, and shortly after there marriage he had to go on some routine training excersise. It was supposed to only be a few weeks at most, but unfortunatly he was on a boat outside of new york on 9/11, and got immediatly deployed to afghanistan. He was then put on some super secret mission, so was barely able to contact his wife for weeks. It put a HUGE strain on the marriage. He was gone for just over a year, so when he got home, they had ALOT of adjusting to do. Now I am telling you this story because, although the first few months were rocky, they are STILL happily married to this day. The main reason things were rocky when he got home was they had barely known eachother, so they basically were strangers when he returned. Sure they talked as often as possible, but they had barely lived as a couple.


What drives ppl away from there spouses who are serving the military varies. As a woman, I can say it is hard to not be there for the man you love. As my friend pointed out, we are not living in ww2, and communication has come a long way since then. But still its hard. Now I have never dated anybody in the armed forces, but I have many friends who serve there country, and its hard enough to keep a friendship alive, much less a loving marriage.

All hope is not lost though. Like I told you my friends were able to make it work. Two things to keep in mind are first, hundreds of thousands of marriages can and DO servive deployment. What makes each particular relationship work varies. I think though, as with any relationship keeping the communication lines open is key. I'm not just saying you need to talk, but you need to really TALK. Actually telling somebody how much you need them can go a long way.

The second thing, is to remember, though its hard, if somebody is going to leave you over something like this, then are they really somebody you would want to spend the rest of your life with? I know this is hard to think about, especially since you are going through a lot, and need all the love and support you can get. But honestly think about it. If she is going to leave you over something you have NO control over, is that really the type of person you want? You did nothing wrong. Even if you wanted to go, i'm sure deep down you never wanted to leave her.


My biggest advice to you would be not to worry about it, thats also the advice of my friend who has spent his share of time over in iraq. You need to worry about staying safe, completing your mission, and comming home. Its pointless to think about what can be. All you need to think about what is, and that is that you are doing something very brave, and need to be proud of that.



Finally, I know it sounds corny, but on behalf of myself, and my family I would like to thank you for the sacrafices you are making to keep our country safe. Even though I don't know you, I will say a prayer for you, and your family, that you can all get through this, and move on with your lives.


Good luck, take care, and God Bless

Answer 2

When you married you knew the risks of being called to duty here and there and every where. You are not only married to a spouse but you're married to the military government.

You've been deployed for 1/2 of the marriage but you do get 30 days leave a year----split that 30 day leave up and visit your spouse every 3 months. Letters, email, telephone calls etc also help.

I was once married to a military spouse. Our marriage was based on the militarys TDY's, Unaccompanied tours of duty to Alaska---etc. The straw that broke the camels back was when we were stationed in an accompanied tour of duty in a remote isolated site of Woomera South Australia----I left him sitting in Australia after 1 year!

Military life isn't for people who want to remain married. This is my opinion !

Answer 3

Military wife here! I would never give up or be unfaithful to my husband and he has been deployed a lot. It is very hard sometimes and very lonely, but I never think that I should leave. I would also never leave if he happened to come back missing limbs either.
This is the reality of being a military wife, we make the best of the situation and my kids do as well. We send him packages filled with as much cool stuff as we can find and his favorite snacks, then my kids color the boxes, we send emails and hand written letters as I know hand written things are given at mail call and it helps his moral, he uses the phone when he can and even a web cam if he can. It takes a strong woman to be a military wife and it helps if you let her know how proud you are of her. My husbands praise is what motivates me and keeps me feeling good.
Take care!

Answer 4

God Bless you and keep you safe...Has there been talk of giving up??? I know that it would be terribly difficult to have your spouse away for so long, ( my own husband is gone Monday thru Thursday and it seems like the end of the world!) The difference is you are fighting for a cause that makes your marriage worth waiting for!!! As hard as it is, your spouse must understand sometimes your loved ones are all that drive you, bring you home. My brother was in desert storm, USMC, he only had a girlfriend when he left and he broke it off with her. She wouldve waited for him, I know it. He loved her and didnt want her to have to. While he was away she got married, had kids, but there is still a part of him that loves her, she was his biggest mistake. Worse yet, she still loves him...She got married and had kids truly believing that he wasnt coming home, and she always says that while she loves her family, she will never feel the way she felt for him. In other words, true love is strong enough to endure being deployed, for however long it takes...I dont think anyone would regret waiting for a spouse that isnt choosing to be away from them. Good luck and I will pray for you!!! I would wait for you...........

Answer 5

My boyfriend is a marine, and I would say that your wife married you knowing what being a military wife intels. I've been with my boyfriend almost 4 years, and he's been gone for about half of that as well. You two are married, and If she really loves you then she'll stick with you and be faithful.

Answer 6

it depends on the women i think, im attatched to a military man, he is being deployed for the first time in our relationship later this year, but unfortunatly divorce and seperation is high within the forces, talk to your wife see how she is, how she is feeling, im sure she knew what she was getting into before she married you, it might be that you have to comprimise and give her a date for you coming out, so she has something to work towards.

Answer 7

Thanks for your service. I know where you are coming from with this question ever on your mind, cause i've been there an thought this many times in my 34 year career in the navy.

If your wife loves you, she'll wait for you. If her commitment wanes before you get back home, she may have problems staying in this marriage.

Communication is the key, as long as you can communicate things will work out. If you have email access email her as often as possible, like i said communication is the key to success.

Answer 8

A true, faithful military spouse never gives up. As with everything in life, you must remember... this too shall pass.

Answer 9

how long did you date before the marriage, in general, the rule is half of the dating period plus one year, so e.g. if you dated 2 years before marry, she will wait for you for 2 divide 2 = 1, plus 1 year, she will wait for your for 2 years.

Answer 10

about 180 days. at least that is the norm in the navy