Whats the difference between being on the "Down Low" and being bisexual?

Question

I'm a 23 yr old black athlete. I am into guys and girls, and I know PLENTY of other guys that are too. I'm not feminine at all and don't only wanna be with guys. I've never cheated on anyone I've been with, regardless of if they were of the opposite sex or not. So I know I'm not gay. But why is it alright for girls to be bisexual and not guys?

Answer 1

Here's the answer I wrote to another question about why female bisexuality is more acceptable than male bisexuality, copy and pasted:

Mainly because, for some reason, male homosexual behavior is seen as 'tainting'. People don't seem to mind gay men (well, intelligent people, at least), and most people are thrilled at straight men, but a man in the middle is the sort of meeting of two worlds they want clearly defined. I think it's quite clear in the fact that women are allowed to sexually experiment without loss of their sexual orientation labels, but if a man even so much as kisses another man, he is instantly seen as gay. Bisexual women, on the other hand, suffer the opposite phenomenon: the weakening of lesbian sexual behavior. It's consistently seen as a sexuality that is 'lacking something', defined by the absence of a penis, and something very retrovertible and somehow secondary- this concept that while some women might like women, they all can 'go back' to heterosexuality, or need to meet the right man, or would go wild at the idea of bringing men into their relationships. This idea that the bisexual woman is really just an adventurous female, while a bisexual man is a confirmed, tried and true gay man but with a dangerous fetish for women, is at the root of things, I think.

I think the bisexual man is threatening to a lot of people; for women, he represents a man who is somehow 'above' their sway and so-called 'p*ssy power'- if he gets tired of her games, or just tired of her in general, he can seek the company of other men. Of course, this isn't true- bisexual men are just as loving and fallible to the charms of women as straight men, but the myth persists. Women who are with bisexual men see themselves in terms of lacking what men have; men who are with bisexual women don't see themselves as lacking breasts, a vagina, and feminine qualities, but as instead having the penis. And for straight men, the bisexual man isn't as far-away as the gay man is- he and the bisexual man have something in common, but for that one little difference, and heap that knowledge on top of the already existing sort of sexual tension and fear between straight men, and a bisexual man is someone to be avoided. Bisexual women, on the other hand, don't seem to be threatening to straight women. Maybe it's because of the view of lesbianism that I described above; even women buy into it and believe that having a same-sex experience isn't damning in the least. Or perhaps there's less sexual tension between women in the quality that it exists in men.

And then bisexual men get the worst of the stereotypes and myths pushed onto them, particularly the idea that they spread disease from the gay community to straight and even were the ones who 'gave AIDS to straight people' (quite untrue!). Lesbian sex, having such small disease sharing rates, doesn't impune bisexual women with this myth. Too, perhaps, is the idea that bisexuality in men and women are different things. Women are often viewed as being more emotional, more romantic, and with more focus on relationships, whereas men are seen as sexual creatures who tend to rank physicality much higher. Therefore bisexual women are just being with those they love and their same-sex relationships are benign, but bisexual men, particularly those who only seek sex with men but sex and relationships with women, make it seem that their bisexuality is lust-driven. Which, of course, it is (what is bisexuality if not lust for both sexes?), but society tends to shun what they call 'excessive sexual indulgence', and that is considered one of them, perpetuating the concept that bisexual men are greedy, sex-addicted, and 'want to have their cake and eat it, too'.

For whatever reason, lesbian sex is attractive to most straight men; with some exceptions, gay male sex is only attractive to gay or bisexual men. This is bound to influence society's concept on bisexual men and women generally. A woman's bisexuality is seen as a benefit, a plus, a man's bisexuality is seen as a detractor and a risk. Perhaps it comes back to the idea that men handle relationships differently, and that a bisexual woman, for the sake of being a woman, is not so prone to affairs and cheating, whereas men are assumed to follow wherever their penises lead them. Or it comes down to the idea that, coming from lesbian-sex-as-not-serious/rea... premise, that if a bisexual woman does happen to cheat, it's not real infidelity if it's with another woman (but a man, with either sex, is a definitely infidelity).

Then there's the awful study that came out that reported that there is no such thing as male bisexuality (but that female bisexuality was alive and kicking). Never mind that the study has been debunked and shown for its methodological flaws; the public has it imprinted on their brains that bisexual men don't really exist, that they are really gay. It only seems to worsen things that many gay men hide behind the label of bisexual sometimes before coming out, or, in discovering their sexualities, use the term before transitioning to gay, making it seem that all bisexual men are really gay and either lying in order to get 'straight perks' or because they are ashamed of their homosexuality. Similarly, for gay or even bisexual men who come out of straight relationships or marriages to be with men, they are seen as having 'went to the other side' or having been closeted before, and this imbues people, women in particular, with a deep fear: if he's bisexual, he might want to leave me for a man later. Lesbian or bisexual women doing the same to be with other women is far less advertised or made such a fuss of, so it doesn't get the same treatment.

All of this stuff sort of combines into an awful brou-haha of negativity towards bisexual men, and it never gets any better because there are precious few bisexual men in the media spotlight, whereas it's become trendy for women to be bisexual (like Angelina Jolie, etc.). I think I covered the basics; hope that helps.

Answer 2

Pain is a physical feeling, like when you break a bone, or get a toothache, or when you go into labor to have a child, even your stomach, when you get hunger pains. This is all connected to your nerves, which act as sensors and send messages to your brain, and you have the physical reaction. Suffering is similar, but not the same thing. Say you have a toothache, that's the pain part of it, but the suffering would come when you can't go to the dentist to have it fixed, and you have to suffer with the pain, and possibly the infection. There are other levels of suffering as well, like when you lose someone you loved very much, the pain of that loss causes your heart to endure this, and it can take a long time to heal, or never heal at all. Suffering happens over a long period of time, or what can seem to be an eternity. Hope this helps, good luck.

Answer 3

The between DL and bisexual is really simple. Someone who is DL can be gay or bisexual. And their sexuality is not disclosed or even mentioned to partners. Generally these people sleep around without anyone really being the wiser. Someone who is bisexual is ...well... bisexual. Their orientation may not be completely disclosed but those who must know do know. As to the answer to your second question I'm pretty sure 'cando' completely covered that one and then some.

Answer 4

I think it's because Straight guys love girl on girl action. So they think it's ok for two girls to be gay, because it turns them on. On the otherside, two guys together won't attract anyone but a gay/BI guy. Either way, don't care about what others think is "ok" or not. Just do what you wanna do, and if people have a problem with that, then let it be their problem.

Answer 5

"DL" usually means in the closet, where as "bi" doesn't necessarily mean that. "DL" statistically use condoms less. The presumption is because they want to appear "spontaneous" and less "there for sex". Denial kills. Wear a condom.

As for the question of the double standard? Woman have always been more sexually exploited...usually by men. Discrimination plays out in all kinds of ways.

Answer 6

from my understanding its a matter of integrity... you can be openly bisexual, and incorporate all aspects of your life... bi does not mean dishonest... DL is a term that specifically refers to deceit, or hiding... You pretend to be straight to all but the man who you happen to be engaging in sex with... Is a very dangerous game, physically and emotionally

Answer 7

Who says men can't be bi? Just live your life with honour and respect for everyone else you come into contact with. Those who don't understand or will not accept bisexuality in men, are just delusional.

Answer 8

Its another one of those programed chips in everyones head that says its only cool for women...when in reality people are fascinated by male on male as well...
I think that d.l. is kinda of doing it when your married to a women behind her back....( another label)...and bi sexual is more out in the open....
Be who you wanna be and don't let society tell you what to do.....its been going on for centuries....

Answer 9

being bi sexual implies that you are honest about it.