HOW do i encourage my 16 yr old?

Question

to want to achieve in his exams. we are paying for his education, and he is so flippant about his mock results, saying i will be ok in the REAL exams... i'm pulling my hair out after parents eve, as they all are saying he puts NO effort into coursework..

HELP PLEASE!!

we have put our son under minimal pressure, and obviously assumed he was doing his coursework at school...
the question'have you got homework to do>' was usually greeted with 'no' so if thats putting him under too much pressure??
where is the line, nowadays??
the education system is so weighted against boys learning!! as most boys struggle with coursework!

we have put our son under minimal pressure, and obviously assumed he was doing his coursework at school...
the question'have you got homework to do>' was usually greeted with 'no' so if thats putting him under too much pressure??
where is the line, nowadays??
the education system is so weighted against boys learning!! as most boys struggle with coursework!

thanks for all the input! i guess we will have to see what happens.. if we encourage, we are pushy and if we try and let him pace himself, we are not involved enough! So... whatever will be, i guess..
thanks for all your support though, tough times ahead me thinks...

Answer 1

i know just what you mean. my 15yr old is doing his mocks as we speak. all i get from him is that these are fake exams anyway so they don't matter. we have tried every possible approach to motivate him but he just hates school and everything about it, he always has right from nursery. we have never piled pressure on him, all we ask is that he works to the best of his ability. he is fairly bright but very lazy. luckily he has got a place in college learning to be a bricklayer, at least he will earn good money. maybe something like that may be the way to go for your lad, they are crying out for skilled workers so getting a job should be straightforward.

Answer 2

Looking at your additional information I think that maybe you should have been more involved from the beginning. When asked, most students will say they have no homework, in reality this is not the case. A 16 year old would be expected to be doing between 1-1 1/2 hours a day.
Ring the school, ask to speak to his tutor and request that they let you have details of the work he is missing, along with any homework set. Be prepared to give some time to your son, to sit with him and help him to get through this backlog. You will face resentment, possibly arguement, but, if you keep calm and keep explaining your worries for his future success as the reason behind your involvement you should eventually make headway.
You need to be as informed as as you can be about his chances. If his teachers are saying he puts in no effort, then that's most certainly the case.As for coursework being more difficult for boys, I really don't believe that it is. Its a different way of learning, requiring wider reading and some research, just the type of skills he will need if he's to go into higher education or the world of work.
I wish you every success, this is a crucial time, he still has enough time left to turn it around, but only if he is prepared to buckle down, and for that he needs both your support, and your determination.
Give him incentives, but also be prepared to take away distractions, ie playstation, games consols etc.

Answer 3

Hi. I'm 15 and taking my exams this year. I don't have any problem with motivation myself but quite a few people in my class are getting bribed to do well.

One boy's parents told him they'd get him some expensive windsurfing kit (coz he loves windsurfing) if he gets at least all Bs

Another's getting £100 for As

And one girl's getting an MP3 for A in Maths.

I think it's kind of stupid having to bribe people. I'll just get a pat on the back and a "well done" and I work really hard but it seems to work for a lot of people.

I can't think of much else you can do. Coursework is awful, i sympathize but the silver lining is it never makes up more than 40percent in most subjects so as long as he does well in the exams it shouldn't be too bad.

He's probably doing badly out of lack of interest so maybe you could try and get him more interested some how...

Hope I've managed to help in some way

Answer 4

I guess the more you push him the more he is run away. Tell him how you feel without putting pressure on him. The fact you say you are paying for it in such a short sentence suggests that you are already feeling that you are making an effort and you are not getting much back. Your son will feel this pressure from you and this may make him want to rebel, perhaps feel under pressure and guilt or simply switch off as he does not want to have to deal with such strong emotions.

Talk to him in a non biased way. You could say that you are concerned about his welfare. Ask him what he thinks about the school and what the exams mean. Basically find out what he feels and wants without being judgemental. And tell him how you feel without blaming or demanding. Easier said than done but it works if you can do it.

Prepare it beforehand, make sure you know what you want to ask and say and do not press or push or get angry. Just a simple chat as you would with a friend.

Answer 5

It depends to what extent you could influence him with some material rewards like some electronic thing he really wants(eg ipod). If you promise him that, it might work but not in all cases. Also I've been in his situation, and usually students don't tend to take mock exams seriously, which means he would probably show his best at the real exam. Make him think about the future as well, ask him what career is he into and let him know that to get into any kind of career he'll need the appropriate qualifications and that this depends also on his current exams.

Answer 6

Statistics show that boys outperfom girls in exams whereas girls outperform boys in coursework, theories suggest that this is because of the different environments and upbringings to the child, i.e. classes of all girls are generally more pleasent than a class of teenage boys.

You don't want to seem to 'pushy' into encouraging him because it generally has the opposite effect, however, I don't doubt your concerns as a parent, after getting to the point of being angry about it and wanting to 'pull your hair out' about it because your out of ideas demonstrates that you care for your son and you want him to achieve, that and paying for his education is another give away!

To encourage him you need to get him to see that there's only a few months left of his school life, does he know what he wants to do after that maybe you should try talking to him about that.

I found myself in the same situation the year before last and although I came out with good grades, I know I could have done better and if my parents hadn't pushed me so much maybe I wouldn't of rebelled, point is I do wish I could do all that over again, so much that I took on a low ability French class to try and get their chances of a good grade up

I think maybe trying to explain to him that his only got a few months left there and the world will be his oyster, free to do what he wants, make him realise you'll support him, but trust me lectures don't work, infact the more you lecture him the more resentment your going to get back

Perhaps consider letting him know your giving him the freedom of choice, at the end of the day he'll end up thanking you for it, rather then taking him down the 'where did we go wrong, you used to work so hard' road, I had that with my parents and it made me rebel even more

Thankfully I've grown up since then lol

Good luck

Answer 7

Help and support him in everyway you can, sometimes you need to lay off him my folks nagging me has done me no good cus I messed up thinking the that I did ok in the mocks Ill b ok in the real exams and when my folks kepts nagging me I acted like a child and was stubborn enough not to show them that I was working, and this became a habbit where I diddn't work in front of them and the the little I did ended up being no good. I didn't realise then but regret it now.

Try the carrot and stick approach. At the moment your using the stick (i.e. hitting the donkey with a stick to make it move) try bribing him with something he would like, that of course you can afford (and pref he can't!) i.e. using a carrot and sticking it infront of a donkey to motivate it to move. Its about keeping an equal balance between both. Although this is a business managment approach it can very well be used in family managment as well in the way i've just explained.

Good luck and sorry I didn't mean to call your kid a donkey its just an example.

Answer 8

Well my parents used bribery and corruption!
For a start, I wasn't allowed to go out on the weekends unless I spent the week days revising.

I would do about 2 hours a night and my mam would test me using my exercise books/revision notes at the end of the evening.

Then for my GCSEs, I had the incentive of £25 per A*, £20 per A and £15 per B. I ended up making about £180!

When it came to my A-levels, the same applied, but with £100 for eeach A, £75 per B.

It definitely worked - I got 3 As and a down payment on my first car.

I'm now 25, but A-level results day was the best day of my life, and even though I hated at the time, I really appreciate my parents for being strict with me and making me work hard.

Answer 9

Let him read this:
I left school at the age of 16 with poor results in all of my subjects, at the age of 18 I got a job at one of the largest employers in my town. I worked there for 15 years, doing the same thing all day, pushing buttons and reporting faults to my technician, constantly overlooked for promotion because of my lack of any decent qualifications.
I'm now 36 and I left that job in 2003 and started college, I'm no into my third year at uni, and in September I hope to get on to a teacher training course.
It would have been so much easier to do all of this in my late teens and early twenties, I messed up big time at school and did not fulfil my true potential. When you get the opportunity that children today have it's a tragedy that so many children can't accept the opportunity that they are presented with, especially when that opportunity has been supplemented by the parents.

Answer 10

Im guessing he's stressed out about something, so try just talking to him first to see if he is really ok. I remember when I was sixteen and was just like that. He might need help in school or he might just need to be given an ultimatum/punishment. Keep an extra eye on him, and make sure you let the teachers know to call you WHENEVER he gets out of line or misses an assignment so you can handle it. Also, ask to see his homework everyday, etc. until he can figure out how to do it without being told. If he wants to act like a ten year old, treat him like one. Especially before he gets to stuck in his ways. Im sure you dont want him to be an adult, sitting around with a dead-end job. Well, whatever you decide to do, good luck!