Marry a man who might go to clubs?

Question

I know a man for 2 yrs and we are planning to get married soon. however now when i am thoroughly thinking about this step and about him, i find out that there is one main thing in him that i never thought i'd marry a man who does it.It is that he goes to clubs & drank a few times.
i talked to him about that and told him that its not at all acceptable to me and of course in my religion. he said he wont do it and will try his best not go to clubs when we r married. at the beginning he wasnt abiding by what he said that much. slowly i feel now he is trying his best not to go to clubs. but i still feel that there is a chance he might go. i talked to him many times and mentioned that i cant stress enough how important this thing is for me. i still feel he hasnt got it 100%.
this is really worrying me as it makes me wonder whether he is the right man for me. i really love him from all my heart and want to marry him BUT i dont want him to AT ALL go to clubs and drink.
What should i do?

Answer 1

Don't marry him if you feel like he isn't ready to give that up yet. It's not fair to either of you if he lapses and you feel betrayed. You don't have to break up either. I would just prolong the engagement and make sure he was willing to completely give up the clubs and drinking (or I was willing to reach some compromise with him). It's much easier to sort out these really important issues (along with discussions of children and finances and all the other big stuff) *before* you get married to make sure you're fully compatible.

Good luck!

Answer 2

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change = yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. They don't respect women or children. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others

Answer 3

I think you and a couple for FEMALE friends should schedule a "girl's night out", go down to the club (so don;t eat supper before -- you don;t want to embarrass yourself by puking all over the floor) and check it out. Do this unannounced. Go in about an hour after he does. Don't TELL him you are there, but don;t try to sit in the back and hide, either. If he ask, just6 tell him that since he thinks this is such a good place to work, you wanted to share just a few special moments with your hubby. if He buys a round of drinks for you and your friends, then all is well., If he gets really pissed and forces you to leave -- WATCH OUT! You just stepped in his pile of s---, and he doesn;t like it. Having performed live music in such places when I was a younger man, I CAN vouch for the fact that no matter where INSIDE the club he works, he IS going to smell like cigarettes, old booze, and cheap perfume. Tell him to take of his clothes in the garage, and TAKE A SHOWER before he comes to bed. [Frankly, I doubt if anything is going on. IF "that kinda stuff" is going on in that club (and that IS illegal in most staes, under the prostitution laws), then the girls are going to make WAY more money form a customer than from a co-worker who would expect a "professional discount" (ie: free). Money Talks!, and the girls usually don;t "give it up" for the coworkers.]

Answer 4

If this is not acceptable to you and goes against your beliefs then do NOT MARRY this man... You need to let him go and move on with your life... This will only get worse once you marry... You know what the right thing to do is so please do it. I know this will be very hard for you BUT you will be better for it. Also the Bible does say not to be unequally yolked with non believers. If this is against your religious beliefs then like i said you need to break it off with him. The sooner the better.

Answer 5

I think you are trying to control him, and no one likes to be controlled. You're treating him like a child. What is it about clubs that bothers you? Are you afraid that he drinks too much? Or that he meets women? Or that he will cheat on you?

I think that if you're religious you should find someone who is religious.

At least, get premarital counseling from your pastor or whoever you're planning to have conduct your wedding ceremony. You want to be sure you both have the same values?

Answer 6

you cannot change a person. so if you aren't happy which sounds to me you aren't already and have doubts i would call it off he will do it especailly when you are married you are then hooked and can't get out of it. so you aren't drinker etc. party goeer and that is where you already know its dumb to marry him

Answer 7

If he can't promise not to go to clubs at all, don't marry him.

Answer 8

either you accept him the way he is and believe that he is changing or wants to change (I think he does) or leave him

Answer 9

I think you are asking for too much.