My wife does not show any affection.?

Question

There is no passion, romance or love felt. She hardly kiss, hug or hold me since our kids came along. She does not appreciate that I am with her all the time. As I do not even step foot out of the house without her. I Think she does not give me enough support in what ever I do. And has no respect for me. What can I do?

Answer 1

Children do tend to wreck a woman's role as lover. We seem to have a problem being mommy and darling at the same time, but you mention that she has also lost respect and love. I have to wonder what all you might be leaving out as this does not usually occur over night, not even after adding children to the mix.

Do remember that we teach others how to treat us but we do not teach them how to feel. We do, however need to take bold action in our relationships and not just sit on our hands. Just talking rarely works. Therapy alone also is not the answer in my experience tho I would suggest that you try that too.

I would approach her with all of the above, a very frank discussion ("Our marriage is on the line here, darling"), insistence on therapy and a bold leap back into loving your wife. This would mean paying attention to her even when she isn't paying attention to you. The site below is a great program for reconstituting your marriage. Better than counseling, you can even do it by yourself. A friend just saved her marriage with it after finding out her hubby of 30 years was cheating and he had already moved in with his lover. Worth a try.

Answer 2

Your wife will show you lots of attention if you can see that she is working hard, too. Since you have more than one child.....the children usually come first. Some women are so distracted and exhausted with household chores the husband is overlooked.

Help her see beyond her daily chores and see you again. Get a relative or neighbor to watch the children. Bring her flowers and take her to her favorite restaurant. Wine her and dine her.

Make sure the children have a daily routine that gives you both some private time alone. Find a favorite tv show you both can enjoy. Take a walk around the block with the children.

The more you can see into each other's worlds the more respect you will have for each other.

Good Luck!

CF

Answer 3

No romance from her? Then you be the leader in that area. Do what it takes to turn her on! If she doesn't show appreciation towards you, then tell her how much you appreciate her. Turn the tables around. Buy her flowers each week, help with the kids, help her with cleaning after dinner, etc....Have you talked to her about this?

I would consider on getting these two books, since Valentines Day is around the corner. They are called, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage". Both of you need to read both books.

If that doesn't help, then it could be that she may be going through some changes with her hormones and should see a doctor.

Answer 4

I am a wife with your same problem. I haven't been as lovey-dovey with my hubby since our son/twin daughters were born. I would say from my experience, Show her some affection, cuddle up to her, if she blows you off, ask her whats wrong. Just do it in a nice calm tone. Women love to talk about stuff sometimes they just want to make you work for it. Also we all expect you to read our minds..lol. Anyway she may feel like she isn't sexy anymore after having children, or has some resentment about something in the relationship 9 times out of 10 its not you so just be patient, also you should watch the Greg Berehndt show he is also very informative on subjects exactly like this, you should look him up on the net. I hope I helped a little. Good Luck and keep working on it.

Answer 5

Maybe she would like a night out with the girls,without the kids. Maybe just with you? Maybe she needs a weekend getaway where she can relax and not worry about a child running in the room.
Maybe marriages all marriages go through this kinda of thing...You best talk about it.Tell her how you are feeling,maybe she will say how she is feeling.
Men can't read minds,but I still think they should!
You say I"think" she does not give me enough support".
It's past the time you both had a honest talk...It won't get better until you both tell the truth about whats really on both your minds.

Answer 6

Talk to her about how you feel like you just told us all here. If she doesn't see how hurt, neglected and sad you are about it, then you have to make a decision. You deserve to have your needs met. Often times, when a couple brings children into the world, their coupleness gets placed on the back burner. Not good! Maybe you two can compromise to set out some time for just you two alone away from the kids. Go out, plan a date!

Answer 7

Sorry to hear this parry.. But the onli this a can advise u for now is u got to sit and talk to her.. Talking will surely help.. Tel her ur feelings.. It is actually better if u go out for a romantic dinner and talk to her ONLY after dinner. Then show how much u appreciate her by buying flowers or any gift for valentines day..... See it will work..
Good luck!!

Answer 8

I think the two of you ought to see a marriage counselor to get to the bottom of why the passion, desire and respect went south. If she won't go then you go. Kids may be a part of it, but I am sure there is more.

Answer 9

Talk with her about it. Maybe she is so stressed out with tending the children and house work, that she doesn't realize you feel neglected...or is too tired to care. Respect her for what she does and talk openly with her...then try to arrange time for just the 2 of you to go out for dinner, to a movie, or a weekend away.

Answer 10

How about talking to her.It happens with a lot of women,after kids passion is not there anymore.She may be tired and stressed out.If you respect her,trust me she'll respect you too.Staying at home or with her is not respect.Do you support her?A lot of men just ask ,they don't give.Change yourself,before trying to change her.