Its been 4 years now and 3 different affairs, does she really love me or should i move on. We have a 2 yr. old boy together. I don't have the feelings that I used to but I don't want to leave my baby either. Due to a past marriage and child support issues I doubt it possible to get custody. I need to feel like #1 what do I do.
2007-02-05 17:22:34 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I really shouldn't be answering this question due to myself having affairs, but I think you might benefit somewhat to someone who has been there before. First of all, I loved my boyfriend then and I did care for him and always had feelings. I went astray because the problems that I had with him were things that we had too much of and I just wanted to let it go so I was driven to other men in which I could have fun and have a worry free life. I used cheating as a way to get out of something I just couldn't fix or maybe I didn't want to fix. But, bottom line is that I don't think that moving on is necessary. If you are willing to help her in any way through talking, guidance, love, counseling or what may then you could probably save the relationship. I'm sure she still cares because you both have a son together and what you both have can never be shared with anyone else. For myself, I too have 3 children...all of which have different fathers. I have a husband who loves me more than expected and always tries to make things work out. He has stood there by me when I ran away with some other guy after we got married. He was always there but through his tears and devotion was I able to understand that I am hurting someone and maybe I should take a stand on what I believe is love and did I ever want my three kids to be jumping homes and end up nowhere in the end. I think it's your choice to make your decision but as for me, I am very happy with life and I don't feel the need to have an affair when I am the one who will be sorry in the end.
2007-02-05 19:46:29 · answer #1 · answered by omiluv 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you should remain "together" for your child.. Talk to your "wife" and tell her that if she's going to see other people you're going to see someone else also. Who does she think she is? The sad statistics say that most marriages do not work out in this "day and age." The only reason that I'm telling you to remain "together" (or *appear* that way) is for the baby.. My parents got divorced. I was old enough to handle it but my sister was not. She is 8 now and she has been disturbed since it happened. She acts out, says things that should never come from an 8 year old's mouth, and she has an insatiable need for attention, attention, attention. I'm hoping you can TELL her this is what's going to happen. She's wronged you three times, the least she can do is oblige to the little "deal" you two have until the baby is grown enough. You see other people. The baby has a mommy and daddy and they all live under the same roof. (I wish my parents would've done this but they fought horribly and my mother wanted to be with the other man all the time.. she wanted her 'freedom') GOOD LUCK
2007-02-05 17:38:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
After the 1st affair, her love for you was gone! Now, after 3, YOU really need to go!!!! Don't stick around in this kind of relationship just for the sake of your child. It's not fair to you at all and not healthy for your baby. I can't give you advice on the child support issues because I don't know enough about it to begin with, but I believe that you have a good chance of getting custody or joint custody because of her multiple affairs. Is that a good environment for a child? NOT! Good luck! You deserve a life and a better woman!
2007-02-05 17:31:58 · answer #3 · answered by artutina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all, I'm disappointed you let it happen 3 times. Once is a mistake, three is a trend.
I'm gonna tell you, she'll do it again. Somewhere in her cold-hearted body of hers, she thinks that she can get away with it. You'll take her back. Don't be stupid and let it happen again.
Custody is all about "who can support the baby". Not always the mother. Although it seems like that, the courts just want what's best for the child.
Get a lawyer and try to prove the fact that she's cheated on you three times. It's one thing to have "hear-say" but it's a huge plus for you if you have some sort of evidence. This will defintely help you in divorce court. If she only did it once, the judge will usually let that slide, but three times, judges will look down on that.
If you stay with her, you're heading for a miserable life. She'll take advantage of your kind-hearted personality (or stupidity).
I understand that you love your son, but are you willing to be misearable? If you stayed with her and your son is old enough to know better, what are you going to say? What's going to happen when she cheats on you and then leaves you? What are you going to say to your son? Don't let that happen.
Get a lawyer and stop this crap that she's doing to you.
2007-02-05 17:32:26 · answer #4 · answered by Scott D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would you stay and put yourself through that again.. If she loved you she wouldn't be going around town with her legs open!! Once is a mistake but three times is saying that you're a doormat and she's just going to wipe her boots on you....
Just because you have a child together doesn't mean you have to stay together... If you are unhappy in your relationship then the child will know or feel that and is it really fair to have the child grow up in a house that's unhappy... Just because you are leaving the relationship doesn't mean that you have to leave your son.... you can be there for him when he needs you...
I would recommend (but you think about it long and hard because you are ultimately the one who has to live with your decision) that you move on and make sure that you make your son feel #1...
2007-02-05 17:42:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, I don't believe that she loves you, but only she can answer that. Love doesn't cheat. If you truly care about the kid, and her, counseling may be an option. Until then try to single out why she cheated. Sex? Emotional connection? Find out and work on it. She may have cheated because she feels something lacking and she's trying to make up for it. People can work through something like this so be optimistic but also cautious. Three affairs is a big deal. Just stay true to your flesh and blood, your son. Worst comes to worst, hire a good lawyer.
2007-02-05 17:35:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she's cheated on you 3 times with 3 different people then she's not in love with you anymore. Because if she has to look else where for love then maybe she wants to experience a little more but at the same time its a discrase to you and your guy's child. She's ruined your relationship and even though you don't want to leave her because you want to stay with your child you still need to get away from her because she's no good.
2007-02-05 17:38:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you serious. Leave. No she doesnt love you and if she does she has a funny what of showing it. You would be leaving her not your baby. If you are not happy trust me your baby can see it and he can tell. If you want to be a good daddy to him you should leave dont stay and let her continuously step all over you. As long as you take care of your son you are not leaving him. There are too many relationships going on where two people stay together because of the baby and all that is doing is bringing him up in an unstable relationship. Dont let him think that its ok for women to cheat. You would not want him to go through that and as he gets older he is only going to find out the truth. Take care of him by taking care of you.
2007-02-05 17:29:07 · answer #8 · answered by static1182 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Women are different from man, man can have sex with a woman for just a fling and he still adore his wife.A woman can have a fling but with emotional attachment. If I were you I would live with her for the sake of my 2 yr.boy,that I love very much,until some thing good comes up for me to decide. Obviously your wife wants to live like a single woman,not caring the sanctity of your marriage and her family.
2007-02-05 21:56:59 · answer #9 · answered by Vannili 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ppl cheat for a reason. there is something that she needs that you just aren't doing.It could be something as small as Telling her she is beautiful, giving a loving tough, making sure that she gets satisfied in bed.The best thing to do it ask here what she needs that you are not giving her. But you cant be hateful or bring up the BS that she has pulled in the past. try it over a candle light dinner at home that YOU make for her. Just you and her. But most important tell her how you feel and that you do love her and you need her to love you and no one else tell her how bad it hurts when she makes you feel unloved. I hope that this works for you. It did for me.
2007-02-05 17:35:55 · answer #10 · answered by notes from an angry white chic 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋