My husband has a very strong sexual appetite, and I don't. We talked and I agreed that he could have sex with someone else. Now that he has (one time, says he won't do it again) I'm having a hard time getting past it.
He's begged me not to leave and that he swears he won't do it again. But is it even cheating if I told him he could? How can I get past it, or should i just walk away.
2007-02-05 16:58:12 · 27 answers · asked by GimmeStarbucks 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I should explain. My husband is deployed for 9 months and obviously he can't have sex with me. he said he needed to get it out and at first i was like, no way.. but I guess I didn't think it was a big deal because he'd choose me if he could. However, now all I can see is him and the whore (yes, it was a prostitute in a country where it's legal). I guess I just need to swallow my feelings and get over it.
2007-02-05 17:15:55 · update #1
You are a good woman! I think your husband knows this. He is in a high stress situation and for some men, sex is a way to calm your nerves. I bet he was thinking that having sex with a hooker would help with this. He now knows that it doesn't work that way with a stranger.
Another way to look at things might be this.
When I was in the Army, most every guy in my unit went to the legal brothels for sex. Not many of them told their wives they did this.Yours did. He loves and respects you enough to be completely honest about everything. I'd bet most of his buddies never mentioned the trips to their spouses.
Think about it.
2007-02-05 21:31:48 · answer #1 · answered by Bill I 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex cements the bond in a marriage. By not working through the sexual "appetite" issues, there was already a weakness in your marriage. Telling your husband he could go outside the marriage broke any intimate bonds you had.
Sure you should leave him. You can't satisfy him. Why should he be subjected to his sexual frustration if you won't work with him?
The only way to get past this is for you to work on your intimacy issues TOGETHER....like you should have done in the first place.
Good Luck!
CF
2007-02-06 01:10:09 · answer #2 · answered by Crispy_Frog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a joke, right? If you agreed to allow your husband to have sex with someone else, you need YOUR head examined and fast! Sounds liek your marriage was over a long time ago. Seek therapy now to find out why you have such a low opinion of yourself, because really, this is the problem. Any woman who would agree to such a thing thinks very little of herself.
2007-02-06 01:07:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's kind of a hard question... he probably shouldn't have done it, but since he regrets it, you should probably give him some credit..
and just speaking as a male, having sex with some prostitute really isn't a big deal to us... i mean, it doesn't mean anything. it's like if he masturbates and fantasizes about someone else, is THAT cheating? because it's basically the same thing. if he still loves you & doesn't care about any other women, then that's good.
2007-02-06 01:32:02 · answer #4 · answered by some_one1234 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its your own dang fault, my husband went to Iraq for a year and several other long deployments and never cheated, trust me I had to hear him b*tch about how it sucked! But why on God's green earth would you let your man do that? You are not only allowing another woman in to his life but also the possibility of a STD, just because its legal prostitution and regulated doesn't mean they are safe.
2007-02-06 08:50:38 · answer #5 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow--- You really can't get upset when you told him it was OK, but at the same time if he really loved you and the marriage was very important to him and you it would not have happened. I think if you two want to save your marriage you both need to get help. And alot of women sometimes are not in the mood, but you need to be or pretend too. That is marriage, you have to take care of each others needs no matter what.
2007-02-06 01:08:17 · answer #6 · answered by annajaaki 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is definitely NOT cheating if it was that one time which you had consented to BUT what kind of a marriage is that when a husband has to "get it out of his system" knowing that he is supposed to be committed to only one woman? Why could'nt he celibate during that 9 months? If his appettite for sex is greater than his love for you, then I say...WALK AWAY!
2007-02-06 01:33:10 · answer #7 · answered by snoringcouchprincess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You gave him the go-ahead and he went. Now you are complaining and cant get it out of your mind and driving you crazy. What did you expect? That he would not take the offer and remain faithful to you.
In the first place,he got your permission.
Now you are upset and he promised he would not do it again, so give him that chance to prove that he will be faithful to you hence fort.
Good Luck
2007-02-06 01:11:10 · answer #8 · answered by sonisunny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I once considered telling my husband to sleep with someone else. Thank goodness I never did! I'd be in your shoes, and guess what; it would be my own fault. You should have never told him to do that. Seek counselling, get it out and get over it and on with your marriage. Good luck, sweety!
2007-02-06 01:06:28 · answer #9 · answered by Shhhhh.......... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok first off your an idiot. a big idiot. you made this bed and now you want out? no way. you stay married and quit whining about giving him sex and start enjoying it with him. you don't have to have an O wvery time he wants sex. Just give it up lovingly and happily. Your a princess. your husband deserves better. now suck it up in more ways than one and stay married and have lots of sex. it is called KY or Astroglide.
2007-02-06 01:13:56 · answer #10 · answered by Patrick G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋