12 year old son implicated in a crime, should we talk to police or get an attorney?

Question

My son is not normally a trouble maker and is a good student, well behaved, and well mannered. However he did seem to get himself into a pickle. In September (11 years old at the time) he was hanging out with two neighborhood boys who were 14. The friendship did not last long because I didn't like the behavior of the older boys so I stopped allowing my son to hang around with them.

Well, I just found out today, that while they were hanging out together there was incident where the older boys broke the door to a vacant building that had just been badly damaged by a flood. The three of them went into the building and there were items in the building that belonged to the owner. The three of them took some cans of soda that they had found and left the building. According to my son, (he wasn't lying, I can tell when he lies to me) he did not break the door but he did say he is guilty of going into the building and taking the sodas.

Don't get me wrong, I know what he did is very wrong, and I want him punished for his actions but I also believe he was heavily influenced by the older boys because this whole situation is very out of character for him. Well today a police officer came by my house (which is how I became aware of the incident) and wants me and my son to go speak to him tomorrow after school. Here is my dilemma, I want my son punished for what he did but I am confident that a punishment that I impose upon him would teach him a lesson instead of a punishment imposed by a court of law. I don't want him to end up with a juvenile record and the stigma that follows over something he did not understand the full ramifications of.

While I would like for son to go speak to the officer and tell him the truth of what happened on that day, he is admitting guilt. I am aware of my sons part in the incident but the officer did not state how much damage was done, or what items were taken from the building (i got that info from my son.) I do not want my son to admit to being there and then find out that the older boys went back to the location, caused more damage, or removed more items. Should we just go talk to the officer ourselves or would you suggest having the advice of an attorney, or an attorney present during questioning? Thanks in advance, any info is appreciated.

I took the advice of mikeysco and a few other people who suggested I talk to the officer first to get an idea of what happened and what questions he planned to ask my son. Well I found out that what my son told me was the truth, the only items taken were a few cans of soda and the only damage was to the door. The officer advised me that the 3 boys will be charged with burglary no matter if my son talks to him or not. After I left the detectives office I contacted an attorney and was advised to have my son speak with the detective so he can provide his side of the story. I also found out that the building that they had gone into wasn't a persons home it was an emergency food pantry and cold weather shelter for the needy. This makes me even more mad at my son. Monday after school I plan to take him to the shelter to have him apologize and I am also going to ask if there is any volunteer work he can do so he gets an idea of what life is like for the people he stole from.

I don't think my son knew it was a shelter and food pantry for the needy but it doesn't matter really, stealing is stealing and it just goes to show that you never know whose life it is going to effect. I guess no matter how bad it hurts me to see him have to go through this, I can't protect him from the effects of his actions. I just hope that he learns from this mistake instead of it being an introduction to a life long history involved with the justice system.

Answer 1

Get a lawyer. That is the first step no matter what! Getting a lawyer does not mean that you are trying to hide the truth--just protect your son's rights. You need to know that when the truth does come out--he is treated fairly and justly. The second step is to call the officer in charge of the case and make an appointment to talk with him [bring the lawyer]. I would also talk to the lawyer and the officer about speaking with the owner of the building. It is possible that [if the guy is cool] he would accept an apology without pressing charges for your son's part in exchange for your son's help in cleaning or helping to work on the building.

If there are no formal charges filed--I would follow the same steps above. Depending upon your town and the strength of your police or local sheriff--the lawyer may not be necessary...but I would be sure that there is a third party [unbiased] or local authority figure present to mediate and witness any discussion or agreement [have it notarized].

Good Luck!

Answer 2

One thing about kids no matter how good we think they are, they can and sometimes do get into trouble. They also will tell us stories! Not really a lie but just not the whole story...
Of course your kid did nothing wrong but steal a soda. Any kid is going to say this, but when it comes right down to being one of the cool kids or older kids they will do what they can to fit in.
Going through two teenagers now and geesh! Now I know what my parents ment by my kids will get me back for everything I had ever done to them and more!

Go talk to the cop. Have your kid admit to his wrong doings. This is no reflection on you as a parent, we try the best we can!
It looks better if the kid takes responsibility for his actions. First offense no big deal.

The older boys is a different story. They are old enough to be in big trouble! If this is not there first offense they could go away for awhile, even over something we consider a small thing. It does not appear you know how much damage the kids did. Then to a flood survival victim is even more devastating!
This alone could hurt your kid very badly, go talk to the cop. See what truths will come out of your kids mouth then.

Good luck and just remember at this age we as parents can only do the best we can with our kids (no mater how smart, cute, nice or a good kid we think we have). Just think this is just the starting of the teenage years!!

Answer 3

This is a tough one. I am currently in law school. I would suggest speaking w/an attorney or having one present. Not because that's what I am but it would be best for your son to minimize his punishment, if any, by the judicial system. I am a mother of 7 children-2 teenage boys. My sons were hanging out with 2 other boys from the neighborhood and ended up throwing rocks and breaking 2 windows in a house being remodeled. Yes, very similar circumstances! I made my son's talk to the owner and he had filed a report with the police. The police went to the other boys house and the parents and kids denied the boys ever being there. The police pursued the issue through the juvenile system. However, the owner did not press charges on my sons because they owned up to what they did. We just paid for the damaged window that my sons broke and that's all there was to it. In your case, your son actually illegally entered a building that is privately owned. The soda part is not that significant. From one parent to another, please seek the advice of an attorney for yours and your son's protection. Hope it works out for you. Good luck!

Answer 4

The house was already flooded and was only soda; so no big deal on the law part. But you can have a talk with on morality someday OK.

But OMG I don't think anyone can pursue over sodas alone ma'am. I'd like to see that = Impossible usually!

Since in many states (VA state police to name a few) even when someone has been caught red handed To GIVE BACK any stolen property (even money or purse of two quarreling whores or extremely lame petty crime =a cop will ignore that & make no arrest and say give that back blah blah) be the ONLY punishment anyone can dish out to ANYONE even people who DO break in if the items of HARDLY any value. And In the case of no witnesses to a crime. Yes even if the admitted he can subtract that at any time with ill result. In this case don't divulge any further info and get off easier.

So YOU need to stop acting all chickeny & guilty & you need to start coaching your son: Have him say he did not break any doors and doesn't remember who did. YOU Advocate that he did not participate. Have him SAY NOTHING = Whole same deal as having a lawyer. They'd tell ya now: "don't say anything about anything ".

Follow this simple formula: Start denying ! There were no witnesses=deny!
There WERE witnesses=same, deny!

Lady =sodas??. I gotta tell ya this sounds like no big deal. And with no prior incidents of that nature nobody's pressing no charges.


If They do:

A. You should have a lawyer anyhow for any & everything. Since people out there are most all crazy & will blame people for the darndest things lie and stuff.


Agh! don't mess his future up over this. Also Don't let them send to mental health services & drug him up on anti-psychotic pills either (these pills ruin the liver). Still sounds like you got an honest nice good kid.
If hes even admit to this in the first place hes as good as gold. HOWEVER the law won't ever see anything like this and they'll keep wanting to break him down and bother him thats what they do so you got to deny everything. He'll still be honest. Agh! speak up for him thats hes innocent! and have him say NOTHING MORE!

Answer 5

I think I would go talk to the police officer myself first..without bringing the son, so I could see the demeanor of the officer and see exactly what... if anything your son might be charged with. Be truthful tell him you wanted to talk to him first before you made the decision about whether you felt comfortable about letting your son come in. Your right he shouldn't have done it but bless his heart he's probably scared to death! The good news is that maybe this little scare will make him think twice the next time he's put in a position like that. I have sons...what is it about boys? They are so easily influenced...
It would be nice if you lived in a small town and knew someone that knew the man that owned the building...so you could possibly talk to him (assuming he was a nice enough person) and maybe have your son apologize and offer to replace the sodas etc..

Answer 6

I feel like you are a good father and you know your son. All of his life he has been taught to tell the truth. The truth is always right. It's gonna be all right if you just tell the truth. Your son is probably very honest, but in this situation the truth will be incriminating to him. The police want him to answer questions in an informal situation and since your son has not been arrested, his rights may not be told to him by enforcement officers since he is not in custody. Tricky Tactics. If they know he stold a soda, why didn't they just arrest him? Have an attorney present and your son will not get the chance to say what can be held against him.

Answer 7

Talk to the cop without your son first. Ask him what his intentions are with respect to your son. If you are satisfied that he just wants to get to the bottom of it and is not really interested in charging your son with anything then let him talk. If you are at all suspicious get a lawyer.

Officers have a great deal of discretion in their jobs. My sense is that he would be after the bigger fish here and wants to know about the older boys. All kids do stupid stuff and cops know this better than anyone. If the officer has a feeling that your son is going to be punished he will likely leave it at that. If there were damages from the incident you might have to pay for them. This is most likely the reason he is investigating.

Use your best judgment. I would be wary if the officer is very young and or seems to be very gung ho. If he has a sense of perspective and seems like he will be satisfied if you discipline your kid yourself I doubt any charges will come from it.

Bottom line is a lawyer might be overkill for this but if you are really concerned give one a call.

Answer 8

It sounds like your son knows right from wrong, so this might be a good time to teach to him the criminal justice system so that he is not likely to repeat this behavior later on in life. I know it's hard, but ask him to talk to the police, and if he is does not want to do this, then you have to step in as a parent and take him with you to the police. Believe me when I say that those uniforms do a lot for children of any age by my own experiences with my children.

My son is only ten, but he has somewhat of an temper problem, to the point that one time he shattered our windshield. Skipping the details, my husband called the police (non-emergency) just to show our son that this sort of behavior has its consequences, whether he meant to break the law or not. The police officer was very understanding and talked with our son about arresting people that do this. He didn't lock him up or anything, but our son got the point.

I'm sure that if your son was charged and now has a court appearance to make, that the judge will be very lenient on him and that an attorney might add extra financial stress to you. He might judge that community service be a fine, but you need to bring this on yourself that he does not do this again, so I would recommend turning himself into the police. Get that fear of the law into the child so that he knows that in the future if he is put in that situation again, he will have to talk face to face with a police officer.

Answer 9

Get an attorney as soon as possible. Don't allow your son to make any statements to the police. Remain silent until you have a lawyer to represent your son. Your son is under age a juvenile. I think your son will learn from this experience a good lesson. With the help of an attorney I am sure the outcome will be satisfactory. Good Luck!

Answer 10

That's a tough one. At the very least, speak to an attorney and get their advice. They will tell you what to say and how much to say. i understand where you're coming from, and if all that happened is what your son said, then it really is a very minor crime and it's likely the police will see that and understand hopefully that your son played a very minor part and really just followed them in. Given his age at the time and the fact he hasn't been in trouble with the police before, but these 14 year olds may have, no one is going to come down too hard on your son anyway. I can see it would be so worrying, not knowing what's going to happen, but I think some legal advice and honesty tomorrow with the police will go a long way, and this will certainly serve as an early lesson to your son to be more careful who he hangs out with in future.