I am a 40 year old female professional in the dating market. My friends had always told me that I had that 'little girl' quality which I must not lose. But I think I have finally lost it. I used to be able to look at guys with bright eyes and enthusiams. Now in social situation where I am supposed to meet guys, I find myself talking to the women, and dismissing the guys as just another guy. I know that this is because I had felt hurt in previous relationships in which I was disappointed in the guys. I don't hate guys and I do have good male friends. I know there are good guys out there, but I just can't make myself behave the 'right way', that is being friendly to the guys(strangers) in social situation. And I also don't see the guys that I meet as potential dates/husbands/white knight/protector etc anymore. They are just another guy. I know that in the past, guys got crazy about me because I was crazy about them. With my current attitude, I am destined to spinsterhood. Please help.
2007-02-05 16:27:23 · 9 answers · asked by tax_question 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
You are smart and experienced. You have to decide that you want to find a partner, then get everything about you on board with that goal. Believe it is possible. Think about where to go and what you should be doing to meet acceptable men. Feel the longing and be honest about what you need and what your standards are. Then, act on all of that. Oh, be patient.
I am a lot older than you and I am single now, for the first time , since I was 19. I don't have your confidence or experience. I can empathize with the loss of hope.
If it is worth having, then it is worth the effort. This last is for both of us.
2007-02-13 16:29:38 · answer #1 · answered by Charlie Kicksass 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! Fabulous job of explaining the past, present, and potential future of your dating life! I also liked the way that you did not say that you are looking for another professional, so you must realize that you will find things in common outside of the work place.
Think of meeting guys as an afternoon at the beach. Chances are that a group of girls would prefer to sit on towels and talk, while the guys are off throwing frisbees or jumping the waves. However, guys are throwing frisbees and jumping waves so the girls on the beach will notice them! What they really want to do is sit on the towel with you and talk.
Decide that you are not going to judge a guy before you see both sides of him. So you may have to toss a few frisbees yourself. (Laugh at jokes, be enthusiastic, show those bright eyes.) The first step is to just smile. That's like wading along the edge. If you wade you have automatically separated yourself from the towel talkers and guys will come to you. Same thing if you cast a smile when it isn't expected.
2007-02-05 16:38:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What kind of social situations are these? I think you left the vitals out my dear. Are these bars, clubs, churches, museums, restaurants, after work meetings, plays? Lol, I mean what?
Certainly, at a bar men can just be downright annoying and I have dismissed them just the same. But if you are in PROFESSIONAL social settings, it may be different with whom you come across. Have you went to any social events sponsored by the job? Do you still not socialize with successful men there? If a VP or the like approaches you , do you dismiss him too? I find that hard to believe.
Let yourself go and forget about your past thats all I can say based on this question.
2007-02-05 17:07:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this a possibility for you: You may have a shell of confidence..but in reality you have none. As such, you put out an unfriendly attitude - no smiles, perhaps even scowls at people that are looking over. You don't want to be places so you look uncomfortable and anxious to leave. So..as men are looking over they see you looking unhappy and mad, and they see your friend possibly happy and smiling - which would you approach if you were them? I have suffered through some self-confidence problems from time to time and have been outright told by ex girlfriends that I have looked 'mean' while walking around. In my experience I the times I have been 'happy' with things in my life, I get approached a lot and get lots of smiles because *I* am smiling to start with. My suggestion for you: (A) pick out 1-2 things about yourself that you are not happy with and consciously work on them. Make a deal with yourself to quit picking on yourself about those 1-2 things while you work on them; (B) make a conscious effort to smile a lot. Smile at people you walk by at work, at the store, wherever. EVERYONE looks better when they smile (unless you have mangled teeth of course). Good luck.
2016-05-23 22:34:21 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you considered that you may be gay? Its a sincere suggestion.
I know men can be a weird sex to work out. (sorry guys its true.)
But I think If you are a successful business woman, men might find you intimidating.
Why don't you just try being yourself. Enjoy your life and don't really look.
Try going away on a weekend and refreshing your mind. You might be surprised what you find. You may find yourself and like what you find.
2007-02-12 22:35:47 · answer #5 · answered by sylvia a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! You know its all bout security, and right now, you don't feel comfortable hanging around them. Not all guys are assholes, atleast you know that. Maybe you're looking in the wrong places, thats why you're finding the guys that you are.
It only takes a right look from you and few words to ge ta guy hooked, so why dont you just go about doing what you know.
2007-02-05 16:36:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure you have heard it: Be Yourself.
Most guys can tell when you are not being honest with them (at least the guys who are looking for a true relationship).
Open yourself and your personality. You stated guys got crazy about you in the past, be yourself and let them get crazy about you again.
2007-02-05 16:41:41 · answer #7 · answered by txrealestateagent 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to be rude, but if by the time you're 40 and you figured out that you have to BE YOURSELF, that's pretty sad. You sound like a teenager.
2007-02-12 18:41:31 · answer #8 · answered by kisses 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Become more of a woman,men will flock to you.
2007-02-05 16:32:37 · answer #9 · answered by likeablerabbit_loose 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋