Is the act of giving always conditional?

Question

You embark on a task; intent to bring joy to another, but shortly before you deliver this gift you discover the recipient is deceitful. Do you or do you not deliver the gift and why?

Wow...you are all so wonderful...such beautiful and helpful answers. I’ve actually been fighting with myself because my natural incline is to give the gift regardless. Family and friends who know the recipient say he deserves nothing. He has taken so much from me already; I will not allow him to take this from me too. I love to give...I am a natural giver—he will not define me otherwise.

Answer 1

Your question is a very vague. Personally I give because I want to have the joy of giving, not because I hope the recipient will give me something in return. If the recipient is deceitful, that is too bad. But I will not let his/her deceitful act take my joy of giving away. I also will feel better about myself that I give and show my love even I know there will be nothing in return. But I will also get smart that this will be the last time that I give/trust the person. I will not let the same scenario to repeat.

Answer 2

This is really a two part answer. Since your intention was to bring joy and not to get something in return, which is how it should be, then you should give the gift regardless of the deception of the recipient. The Bible states that we should give gifts to our enemies, and by so doing we are heaping piles of hot coals on their head, I think that means they will have a guilty conscience for doing wrong to you or perhaps it means you will kill them with kindness in that they will be shamed into rethinking their behavior and possibly repentance and redemption. But also the act of giving out of love is its own gift and gifts from the heart, despite such evil done, is the ground work for miracles. Maybe you wont see it, but hopefully you would start something inside that person that will save someone else down the line from the same pain. On the second part, it also depends on the gift you were gonna give, because obviously if it was an engagement ring (or similar in nature) and all that goes with that, you would not want to follow through with such a gift, it would be inappropriate and simply asking for grief and failure to follow. Let God's wisdom, discernment, and Love lead the way. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 3

If the original intent was to bring joy to this specific person, then I say not. The person you found is different than you first thought, and so the gift was not meant for him, but for a figment of your imagination. This would be my choice every time.
If your intent was to bring joy, irrespective of the target then do. The goal is to spread joy so the target is irrelevant, unless someone more deserving of the gift is part of the equation.

Wow, one night without sleep and I become a logician. Perhaps I should get to bed. Good luck.

Answer 4

Yes, our actions are always conditional. Pretty much EVERYTHING is conditional in one way or another. Even the answer to this question depends on the specifics of the given situation. If I bought a gift to give to my friend on December 25, but we had a terrible fight on December 24, I'd probably still give the gift the following day. In your situation, if the deception is bad enough that the person turns out to be significantly different from you you thought he was, then it may be that you shouldn't give the gift.

Consider this situation: I go to give a gift to the person in Room 112, thinking it's my brother, but then discover that my brother is in Room 113. I might already have decided to give a gift to the person in Room 112 "No Matter What", but the nature of my action would be different in that case. I didn't really want to give a gift to my brother, I wanted to give a gift to whoever was in that room.

You could decide to give a gift to your friend "No Matter What", but when you discover that your friend is deceitful (secretly hates you and has been stealing money from you all these years, or something like that), then the nature of your action in giving the gift to this person would necessarily change. You might still give the gift, but if your friend's kindness has been phony all this time, you're not really reciprocating his kindness because there isn't any real kindness to reciprocate.

Of course, your original intent might not have been to reciprocate anything, but rather just to give the gift regardless of other considerations. Maybe you just decided to be kind to the other person, regardless of what the person was like or who he or she really was. Maybe you just wanted to give a gift to the person in Room 112, regardless of who was in there.

The morality of continuing with your intent of giving a gift to your friend is even more different if your friend asked for a really nice pair of scissors for Christmas, but before you give it you discover that your friend lied about why he wanted the scissors. He's not into sewing and quilting at all; he's a serial killer and wishes to use the scissors as his murder weapon when he kills your daughter. The act of giving, like all other acts, is conditional.

On the other hand, if you decided not to give your friend his gift just because he was kind of a jerk to you last night, you'd be kind of a jerk yourself.

Answer 5

Without offense and without getting into the detail of the Q, I offer this. For one who views LIFE as a glass half empty, there is no charity that will ever be self gratifying. To GIVE should never be done for that purpose anyhow/way

Another quote I offer is "No kindness goes unpunished"

Would that suggest ALL should discontinue charitable acts or feelings?

You might attempt being more selective in your intent and deliveries? You might realize (Since your detail is obviously personal to you but vague to us) that perhaps you should have considered the WHY of your intent?

Steven Wolf

Answer 6

Do not give if you're not getting anything in return. Theoretically speaking, giving should come from deep in your heart and you should be willing to give unconditionally. But that is all bull! If all these people here were to be honest with themselves and with you, they'll tell you that everything they've ever given was given with some expectation. Its time to face the truth and stop living pretentious lives. So if someone is deceitful and has nothing to offer you in return then its absolutely no use giving anything to them

Answer 7

It depends on what's in your heart. If you just want to give as to better someone else's life then you should give the gift regardless. If you have problems with said person's actions or words and you can't get past it, then don't give it.

Answer 8

I think you should still follow through. Maybe that person is that way because no one has ever demonstrated any form of love to him/her. Maybe your act of kindness would change their heart. No one has ever been changed through anything but love and kindness. War is necessary when others try to force their will on us or on others who are helpless, but kindness to a normal human usually brings about repentance and love.

Answer 9

The act of giving isn't conditional in the sense that most people do something nice because it makes them feel good and not because they expect something in return, HOWEVER, you dont expect someone you were unconditionally kind to, to stab you in the back either.

Answer 10

Most likely deliver the gift, and hope that it will warm their heart to be a better person :-)