I watched a program on tonight in which a man and woman had a child. He then wants to become a woman. He's taking hormones, now has breasts and dresses like a woman. He wants to have the surgery some day to become a full woman. His wife wants to stay in the marriage and they both claim to still love each other. But the wife says she's not a lesbian. And the husband still wants to be with her. Shouldn't he want to be with men now that he's becoming a woman? And shouldn't his wife want to find a man because she's not attracted to women? The whole situation seems odd, can someone explain?
2007-02-05 15:35:18 · 10 answers · asked by sarainsahara 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Nothing odd about it at all.
Here's the thing you need to remember:
Transsexuality does not determine sexual orientation.
You say 'shouldn't he want to be with men now that he's becoming a woman?'. Why in the world should that be true? He wants to become a woman, and as far as I know, biological women come in all stripes and colors- lesbian, straight, bisexual, whatever. Just because he's changing his sex doesn't mean he automatically starts liking men. There are lots of lesbian transwomen out there.
As for the wife situation, well, it's a little more complex. If she wants to be with her husband even after he transitions, does that make her a lesbian? To be completely honest, yes, it does, technically. Yet I maintain that gay men can fall in love with women, and lesbians can fall in love with men, and straight people can fall in love with people of the same sex. That is to say that overall, they like X gender sexually, and really don't have any sexual attraction to Y gender, but then they meet person Z and are in love with person Z and want to be intimate with person Z, regardless of the genitalia that person has- they love the genitalia not because it's X gender or Y gender, but because it belongs to person Z. I think that's what's going on here; his wife still loves him, and will continue to do so when he becomes 'she', even though she still has no attraction to women in general, and still loves men.
Hope that helps!
2007-02-05 15:52:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Basically, the wife who entered the relationship as the wife loves the person inside, regardless of physical appearance. Some couples can make it work. The other wife who entered the relationship as the husband identifies as a lesbian woman, which is why pretending to be a straight guy didn't work out so well. That big of a difference between biological sex/gender presentation and identity can cause a lot of emotional pain, to the point of severe depression and suicide. Many relationships now are simply beyond labels. people are being true to themselves and living outside of the boxes they we were all once confined to.
2007-02-05 20:15:01 · answer #2 · answered by carora13 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
transexual is often constructed from a child that had a gender nonconformity. It is a seperate issue than homosexuality. So a person could be hetrosexual and still want a sex change. The wife on the other hand will have perhaps some challanges after the sex change happens for the male to woman, but then perhaps they are at a point in their marriage were they are aesexual, they lean towards just companionship.
2007-02-06 01:12:12 · answer #3 · answered by ishelp4 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it is different, but hey, they're making it work. I find it interesting myself. People are shocked when I tell them that I would have married my very openly gay best friend if he would have wanted that. They seem incredulous, as if marriage couldn't exist that way(that is, without sex, only love & respect & companionship). If I had been in the above mentioned situation, I'd have probably stayed, too. I do view myself as bisexual, though.
Everybody has a different relationship. The fact that these two people love each other and have chosen not to define it in a way you can understand is not important. The woman does not view herself as bisexual because she fell in love with a man. The fact that she loves him enough to stay with him and help him on his journey is admirable.
This story reminds me a little of Venus of Mars from the band, All the Pretty Horses. Venus is a man who is married to a woman. He didn't start exploring his feminine side until after they married. They made a documentary movie about their relationship called "Venus of Mars". I haven't seen it but really want to as soon as possible.
http://www.venusofmars.com/
2007-02-05 16:15:39 · answer #4 · answered by Angela M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this proves my theory that we as humans have a potential bisexual side to us all. love is love.
but interestingly enough, transsexuals aren't always straight. many are bi or even gay/lesbian, at least in terms of who they want to be with.. this Man-2-Woman transsexual appears attracted to women.. this is regardless of his/her actual sex.
if this man is actually going all the way and having his penis cut off, then he obviusly feels really strongly about being a woman.. then again, if he enjoyed sex with his wife and had no problem getting an erection, then i'd question if going all out is the right move..
many transsexuals keep their penis and continue to enjoy their male sexuality while living their life as a woman.
that is awesome that the wife is so much in love with this person, that she is willing to stick around thru this entire ordeal, that proves that love can be so strong and powerful.. obviously, sex won't quite be the same if he doesn't have a penis. and sadly, he'll never be able to orgasm without it.. yet i;m sure they can still enjoy special intimate time together.. wow..
2007-02-05 16:09:50 · answer #5 · answered by Jeff 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the kind of question that makes me loathe our label obsessed society. They are two humans who made a connection and love each other. Despite physical changes he has gone through in order to be who he is in his heart, they still love each other. Just because a man is transsexual doesnt mean he is attracted to men and true love, the kind that marriage SHOULD be based on, shouldnt be compromised simply to fit societal norms. Not to mention the fact that a healthy, loving relationship doesnt neccesarily have to be sexual.
You are not in a place to judge and decide what would be the proper thing for them to do.
2007-02-05 15:45:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I met my wife as pre-opt, we feel in love we married...I am female. There are gay transgender folk and straight transgendar folks. I think it is great that they are going to stay together.
2007-02-06 16:16:51 · answer #7 · answered by dragonsarefree2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They love each other no matter what. What's so hard to understand?
2007-02-05 16:32:23 · answer #8 · answered by shark_315 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Real love is when you love the person for who they are. If their gender changes, it doesn't change their personality.
2007-02-05 15:57:18 · answer #9 · answered by princess_naya_elphaba 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They love each other and that transcends gender.
2007-02-05 15:59:28 · answer #10 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋