My bestfriend has just miscarried for the second time.
I feel terrible.
They are the best couple - they are just like me and my husband.
I have a 2 children.
I feel like i don't know what to do to help her - if anything. I've offererd support, told her i love her, etc Its just so unfair they have to go through this again.
Has anyone out there got some advice of what i can do or say - maybe something that helped in a big way...???
I would do anything to help.
2007-02-05 15:22:43 · 15 answers · asked by Moz 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Take your cues from her. As her best friend, you already know her well. Whatever she is doing to cope, give her more of that kind of support. Is she religious? Pray with her. Is she depressed? Cry with her, then take her to a funny movie to cheer her up. Does she want to talk? Listen. Does she want silence? Sit with her quietly. Does she want to avoid seeing children for a while? Visit without your kids. Does she enjoy the company of children? Let them spend the day with her. And compliment her on how well she is dealing with it, whatever her method.
2007-02-05 15:31:28 · answer #1 · answered by Wise Advice 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if there's anything that really helped, but I think allowing her to feel and express not just sad but angry and scared. I've only had this happen once and I wasn't even past 5 weeks. I agree that it's unfair for her. So many people out there have kids that just don't deserve them. Just telling her that she didn't cause it and that she DOES deserve children. Also, it's almost haunting to have this happen. I'm not sure if you ever don't think about the baby you didn't have - even if, like me, it was still medically considered an embryo and not a fetus. The heartbeat starts at 21 days and to me, any loss of life is worth mourning. Your friend will be better off because she has friends like you. She's very lucky.
2007-02-05 15:35:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having had a miscarriage myself this past summer, from my perspective, the biggest thing that you can do is be there for her. Let her talk about the experience, (or not as she decides). Hold her. Let her cry. Just remember, though, there is nothing you can do to fix this situation. She has experienced the death of a child and she has to go through the grief. Having a friend by her side to do this with will only help her.
Oftentimes, people minimize a miscarriage simply because they never met the little person. (I'm ashamed to say that I used to do that!) A miscarriage is the death of a child, and just because Mom never got to hold those 2 little babies in her arms doesn't mean that she hurts any less because of it. In fact, she may hurt more because of it.
My husband and I named our child and rejoice in the fact that he was birthed directly into heaven, bypassing all the pain and suffering in this world. Having had loving, supportive people around helped us tremendously to get us to that point.
You're obviously a good friend to be so concerned. Be there for her. Just remember, though, it's her grief to walk through. She has to do it in her time and her way. Be there on her time table and all should go well.
2007-02-05 15:47:02 · answer #3 · answered by J in VA 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are doing so much for her already by being a supportive friend. I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks (about 10 yrs ago) and it was really difficult as it had taken almost a year for me to get pregnant that time. I took a few days off of work and my mom hung out with me and just loved me. Maybe see if she would like to go for a day at the spa. A nice massage and pampering would feel really great when you are so sad. You can mention discreetly to the person you schedule the appointment about her miscarriage and ask them to give her extra TLC and be very sensitive about subjects such as motherhood, babies etc, unless she brings it up.
2007-02-05 15:34:54 · answer #4 · answered by Dino 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What ever you do, don't tell her it will be ok, you will have another baby someday. That is not what she wants to hear. I have been through this. I had a miscarriage then a year later got pergnant again and was scared to death. Thank God everything went well this time. I think just be there if she feels like talking about it. And if not don't push her. When she is feeling up to it then take her out to lunch just the two of you. Or go see a funny movie, something that will help take her mind off of things. Don't bring it up if she doesn't.
2007-02-05 15:33:25 · answer #5 · answered by honeybear 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My heart goes out to anyone that loses a child. My Mother had six miscarriages trying to give me a brother or sister. Each one was very hard and for some time my Mother became bitter thinking she just didn't want anymore children. Time will take care of it, just give her your shoulder at every opportunity. May the Lord bless and keep her.
2007-02-05 15:26:39 · answer #6 · answered by Mommymonster 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her that you don't know how you know but you know in your heart that everything is going to be alright with them. These babies pick us as parents and we don't always have a choice when and how they come! I only know they come to us when they are ready, not always the other way around.
Just as a precaution - she is keeping away from the wrong foods etc when she knows she is pregnant isn't she? It would be a shame if she didn't know she wasn't allowed to eat certain foods once you conceive to avoid miscarriage?
2007-02-05 15:31:52 · answer #7 · answered by Kylie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When someone close to me lost her baby...she said I was the biggest help to her because I would LISTEN to her, and allow her to talk about her loss...whereas others would say stupid things like "you can have another baby" or "it's over now, nothing you can do about it so move on" or "it's God's will". Just let your friend talk when she wants...and listen to her, give her a hug when she needs it...then go home and hug your children and be thankful for the blessings you have
2007-02-05 15:31:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her you are there for her if and when she needs to talk or vent , and let her do it. Take her to a day at a spa, or if you cant do that , maybe a few hours at one. Take her shopping , go have coffee together... as i remember it , just having someone there was best.
2007-02-05 15:27:02 · answer #9 · answered by Lily18 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for her. Tell her that you love her and that you want to offer her comfort.
I wish more people would of talked with me when I had losses. It was like everyone want to avoid the topic, in fear it would upset me.
2007-02-05 15:25:32 · answer #10 · answered by littlebrwneyemomma 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋