military wife going thru deployment?

Question

my husband is over seas and i have found out that he is emailing and talking to other women (in the states). i have confronted him about it and he says he will stop. but i dont know i still feel like i have been cheated on! should i wait until he comes home and try to work it out or should i call it quits? i love him with every beat of my heart, and i dont want to lose him but i want to trust him and know that he wont cheat on me (and yes i call some of the emails i have seen and some of the stuff i have heard..CHEATING) but he hasnt done anything in person. he was nothing like this when he was home before the deployment..think he will go back to the way it was or what?? any real answers would help so much!! thanks

some of the emails talk about our children and stuff like that...some of the emails say we are divorced, some say we were engaged and i broke it off with him, some dont even talk about me...some talk about meeting somewhere sometime. most of that is started by the girls BUT he answered them!!
I wont leave him now, i cant even if i did want to, they have an act that protects them from that happening but i dont know how im going to feel around him when he finally does get to come home

Answer 1

Your husband is half way across the globe in one of the most terrible situations I can imagine. He may do some "irrational" things you do not understand but you are not over there.

Once he comes back it will most likely stop. Don't worry about it too much. He reaches out from over there to anyone because he is cut off from life as you know it but once he comes back normalcy will prevail.

This comes from one military wife to another. Don't worry him. Worry gets him killed.

Be strong for him.

Answer 2

Being overseas is no excuse. I'm sorry but I defiantly would hold him accountable for his actions. If he is admitting to it that's a first step now you need to figure our why he is doing this. He's lonely but so are 99.9% of people deployed overseas and never cheat so that is NO excuse.

If it were me I'd have a long talk with him. I'd figure out why he did it and try to build back trust. Most of the time in those situations trust will never be gained back. Do you feel you can trust him again? Are you 100% positive he didn't meet up with the women he's had plans with? If not, I'd just leave him. Once a cheater always a cheater.

The fact that there were several women involved in this is enough to see that he's unhappy in the marriage. Do you really want to be with an unhappy person?

If you do choose to stay with this loser get marriage counseling. As far as I’m concerned it's inexcusable.

Once again--I've grown up with my father in the military and being constantly deployed. Now, my husband and I are in the same situation. Both of these men have been 100% faithful. Being deployed is NO EXCUSE! Do you realize how many men and women are over there? Do you think every single one of them chooses to cheat? When infidelity is involved there is normally an underlying problem in a marriage--not just deployment. I seriously think he's unhappy with the marriage in general if he is going to straight up email people knowing you will see it!

Answer 3

I agree that he has betrayed you and cheated on you. What gives me real concern about this is that yes, his behavior is unacceptable and wrong, but at the same time, what is he going through overseas? Has he been through so much that he's losing his mind a little bit? I'm asking that in all sincerity. Some of our soldiers have a really hard time handling being deployed. I think at this point the best thing for you to do is to tell him how you feel about what he's done, and tell him that when he comes home the two of you will have to decide if your marriage can be healed and saved. In the meantime, talk to a counselor who can help you deal with everything you're going through. I wish you the best.

Answer 4

I consider e mails cheating as well,i think you are 100% right and he is wrong but here is the problem he may just be doing this stuff because he is freaked out by being where he is,I wouldnt break up with him until he gets back and see what he does ,I am not known for being nice,but i would hate for you to break off your marriage and then something happen to him and you feel guilty for the rest of your life so i am on your side but since he is in the military maybe see if he can live up to what he has told you ,okay,goodluck and dont let anyone know i have a heart okay?

Answer 5

you should give him some leniency-- but not too much. if you feel like you've been cheated on, that's something you have to deal with whether he's overseas or not. it's a horrible time for both parties and if he's not sympathetic to you, you need to let him know he crossed the line. my husband is overseas, also, and i know that times like this take trust that others really can't understand. but even still, he's my husband and if he's screwing around he needs to know. a divorce while already separated by war probably isn't the best idea... let him know how you feel now, but don't do anything rash until you've had the chance to talk it over in person and see him again. i know when my husband was gone the first time that by the end of the deployment we had both started getting frustrated with things. when he got home, it was like our relationship was completely renewed. good luck-- this really is a difficult dilemma.

Answer 6

If you love him you should try to work it out when he comes back. You are right even though there has not been anything physical having indecent conversations, and talking with another woman about your marriage is a betrayal of your marriage. A good book you both should read is "His needs Her needs, building an affair proof marriage" by William F. Harley, Jr. It is actually a pretty good book and has helped my relationship with my wife get back on track when our marriage was tested. I'm pretty sure that tri care or something on base can hook you guys up with a councelor. The paster from a church or therapist might be good and can help guide you guys into building a strong, long lasting, happy marriage. Sometimes it works to have an outsider to the relationship looking in. Good luck.

Answer 7

i am going through a similar situation myself. when my husband was deployed i had no doubts he was being faithful... but i've recently found out that he has been emailing other women that we both agreed he would not contact agian. i was willing to stick with him through the situation... but he would not confess what the emails said or why he was emailing in the first place. point is... he was not being honest with me so i had no choice but to leave... no matter how much you love someone sometimes you cannot make them change... and if there are trust issues i now believe the marriage will go sour sooner or later. if you really love him give him a chance to explain himself. if you intercept messages from women or whatever don't tell him right away... give it a while and see if he will tell you. if he doesn't mention the contents of the email you may want to take action. my advice for you now is to start putting away cash... little amounts... every now and then... that way if you need a ''quick exit'' you'll be prepared. sorry if it seems inconsiderate to say that... but i now know it is better to be prepared... hope everything works out for you.

Answer 8

I know u love ur husband very much and is hard to trust someone after they have broken that trust.First of all,I give u a lot of credit for being a military wife.I know it has probably been very tough having to live with your mate over seas.Everyone makes mistakes and especially when u are not spending a lot of time with your mate, u miss them and may start to do stupid things.The only thing though is now u have to live with his stupid mistakes.I would have a hard time trusting someone after they have done something like that, but you can get through it if u really want to make it work.Just make sure that this is something u really want because it will be a tough journey ahead.Just be very cautious and he will have to realize that he's going to have to be willing to go through all the steps u need to go through to build that trust up again.I hope it goes well.

Answer 9

reading your question it sounds like your husband grew to become into earlier provider and is going lower back into the army upon commencement. whether he grew to become into single on the time he grew to become into in he might have some suggestions on what your expectancies could be. consistent with probability he even has some married contacts who're nonetheless interior the army that he can call. i'm a Marine corps better half yet militia existence is only distinctive from civilian existence while the spouses set up. There seems to be like a good knit community between the militia spouses. variety of an attitude that we are all interior the comparable boat and anybody else is quite like me. you probable plan on working so which you would be busy with artwork and could do networking there to boot yet i'm particular the army has better half volunteer networks and training that help you get acustom to militia existence and what you are able to anticipate simply by fact the Marine Corps does. solid success with each little thing and with college. Congratulations on your engagement too!!

Answer 10

i am very sorry to hear an American hero is such a scum. i am not sure what i would do but the best advice i can give you is to wait until he gets home before you decide what to do. he did something stupid and awful and when he comes home and gets off that plan you should kick his as_ right after you hug his neck. i just don't think you should do anything until he comes home and you can talk to him face to face. who knows a little counseling and it may be the marriage you dreamed of. and if it doesn't work then you don't live with what if.
i hope that everything works out for you. if you need to chat or vent just let me know. good luck