Before my husband and i got married, he was into the whole party scene and clubs and acting stupid. I, on the other hand, have always been more of the "good girl" because i chose to be. I dated people who were into those things and it always lead to heartaches. Anyway, he said he was thru with that life and he accepted that i wasnt into it. We have been married a year and a half now and occasionally he brings up to me that i'm not that social or i wanna keep closed off from the world just because i choose not to go to those places or hang with the people that do. I feel offended becuase he knew before we were married. I feel, and he has mentioned, that if we werent together that he would be doing the old stuff again. I feel that if he truly is thru with that then he wouldnt put me down for the way that i am. He says he will do whatever he wants. what should i do
2007-02-05 14:37:51 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OMG this happened to me. this guy is not ready for a commited adult relationship. you will be lucky if your relationship does not spiral out of control from here on out. i wish you luck.
2007-02-05 14:44:00 · answer #1 · answered by alexandria1_1999 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am kind of in this situation, I partied a lot more than my girlfriend did in college (I graduated 2.5 years ago). Every once in a while I revert to the old party days and I get the feeling that my girlfriend does not like this, I kind of try to shield her from people and places where I would be most prone to regress. She gets upset that she isn't specifically invited sometimes, when I really don't think she would have a good time. So far there haven't been any huge issues, but I would let him do what he wants if it is not all the time. I would remind him that you aren't shutting yourself off from the world, you just aren't going to big raging parties or bars. There are other places and things that people do to be social. You could go out and do something with the girls while he acts like an idiot. Just because he goes out once in a while doesn't mean he is going to turn into a party animal all over again.
2007-02-05 14:53:48 · answer #2 · answered by Kyle S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, I think it's possible that your husband really meant what he said when he married you. He probably honestly believed that he would no longer desire to have the "old life".
Well, it sounds like he's realizing that the idea of changing to a different lifestyle is much more difficult in reality. He may even deserve some credit for trying to change.
You, of course, need to figure out if he's "crossed the line" or if you feel the two of you could work this out. You will want to be clear with yourself and with him as to what exactly would mean an end to your marriage. You will have to stick by this, be willing to compromise up to that point, yet keep true to your personal values.
Good luck.
2007-02-05 15:07:08 · answer #3 · answered by katnkaboodle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and have a very serious discussion with him. Let
him know that you married him partly based on his promise
that he would go forward into the marriage with good faith,
respecting your wishes regarding this and not renege. Trying
to pull you into his former shenanigans is hitting below the
belt. He needs to kiss his past goodbye and start his future
with you on credible ground. Find some new friends that
you both enjoy and have them to dinner, go out dancing or
to the movies. You can build a new life that is fun and
rewarding for both of you and start a history of real compatibility.
He's still more comfortable with his old habits but slowly you
two can build new ones. Perhaps he can have a "boys night
out during the week and you can get together with your
girlfriends. It's a beginning.
2007-02-05 15:05:13 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him when he plans on acting like an adult? Adults who are married do go out, but usually it is to dinner, or a show even to a bar for a drink or two with friends, not go clubbing like a juvenile. My husband too was into the club scene prior to us getting married. Fortunately for me and our relationship, he got all of that out of his system before we got married.
Why not consider the thought of the two of you drinking at home, he may see that it's not all it was cracked up to be a few years ago. You can also make a trade off with him, if there is something that you really want to do that he particularly doesn't like to do, offer a trade for nights out. Make sure that you have your night out first so he can't renig on it later for what ever reason.
2007-02-05 14:49:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being married is hard. You have to change your lifestyle, and you have a lot more responsibilities. Your husband is probably just having a hard time getting used to it. Maybe you guys can compromise. You can go out with him when he wants to do something. And then maybe you two can do something that you like to do. If you are married, you should be able to communicate about this stuff. Good Luck with everything!
2007-02-05 14:45:56 · answer #6 · answered by KAB128 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Change can be good. Going out with your husband can't be all bad you can talk over dinner and wine. Some woment wish that their husbands would take them out on a night on the town. I used to be the same way and now i wish i could find a man that wanted me as his wife, lover and friend. If he can hang out with his buddies then you should be glad he wants to hang out with you. Get dressed up and have a good time with your husband.
2007-02-09 13:32:15 · answer #7 · answered by keriss 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should let him do what he wants. The choice is his. Just make sure he understands he will be doing it without you in his life. Sounds as if he needs to grow up and stop mirroring his frustrations onto you. Let Party Boy be on his way, and you find someone who will appreciate the gem they have in you.
Good luck
2007-02-05 14:47:03 · answer #8 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is definitely not the man you should be with. I would also like to say to you, to please seek out a Christian Therapist to really take a hard look as to why you married this jerk in the first place!! I will Pray for you, that the Lord Jesus will comfort you and guide you. God Bless you.
2007-02-05 14:55:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him he should have thought of that before he got married. If he wants to continue to live the single life, then he can go right ahead, but without you.
2007-02-05 15:17:48 · answer #10 · answered by mamabear 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if he insists on you being a party girl then go for it.
Make plans with your girl friends get some sexy clothes and tell him your going out and not to wait up for you,
give him a taste of his own medicine,
2007-02-05 14:58:37 · answer #11 · answered by Sandora 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋