I have vaginismus... if..and when... i'm able to have sex... will it be good?

Question

i have been married for 2 years and unfortuantely .. have not been able to have succesfully have intercourse with my husband... we are in the middle of a divorce right now.. partly because of our issues. i'm only 21 years old and need some advice. i know my marriage is over (there were other issues, non sexual) will i be able to have pleasurable sex after working on my vaginsmus one day? i fear now that the next relationship i have will fail because of this matter also. i would like to experience that part of life and find it unfair that i can't. i guess i'm looking for some advice and help from someone who has recovered... or is recovering from this disorder. thanks.

Answer 1

Wow! We are indeed alike, you and I ;)

After my divorce, I thought that was it. I was either condemned to never have sexual intercourse or see a gynae for this procecure which involves dilating the vagina (eee...!)

But my luck changed for the better. I met the love of my life who convinced me that he would wait for the 'right' time and he was never forceful or angry that we could not indulge in intercourse. The wait was over after almost 8 months in the relationship. It just happened! No pain at all and we have been having great sex ever since.

So dont worry, sweetie. You're only 21 years old. I lost my virginity (so to say ;) when I was 30 years old and I have absolutely no regret cause I gave myself to someone I truly love.

Guess God knows best :-) Good luck!

Answer 2

Here are some tips to help increase the chances of intercourse being pleasurable, for both of you:


Take lots of time to build up sexual arousal for you. That will cause your body to produce lubrication -- a very important part of enjoyable intercourse.


You might even take your arousal all the way to orgasm. That will assure that your uterus is elevated out of the way of your partner's penis if you have intercourse following your orgasm. Bumping into a woman's uterus in its normal lowered (unaroused) position is one of the two main sources of discomfort for women during intercourse.


Some women have a small vaginal opening because of the shape of their hymen. If this is the case, a good way to proceed is to use fingers to gradually gauge what's possible.


When you are very aroused, have your partner try inserting one well-lubricated finger very slowly. If that's comfortable, have him try two. If that's comfortable, try three. Most men's penises are no wider than three fingers bunched together and many are the width of only two.


Try rotating these fingers around very gently so that you and he have the idea that his penis will fit. Continue exploring with fingers in gentle rocking and circling motions.


Though these activities may seem a little clinical, hands and fingers can be very expressive of wonderful feelings if you let them.


The opinions expressed herein are the guest's alone and have not been reviewed by a WebMD physician. If you have a question about your health, you should consult your personal physician. This event is meant for informational purposes only.


Louanne Cole Weston, PhD, is a licensed marriage, family, and child counselor and a board-certified sex therapist in practice since 1983. Her work in the field of human sexuality includes extensive experience as a therapist, educator, and researcher.

Answer 3

First, I'm so very sorry that you have this disorder. I can appreciate that it is no fun. So, just ignore the ignorant people here who are only after their two points.

Vaginismus is completely curable. However, it takes some real pro-active effort on your part. I suffered with this disorder for 9.5 years of marriage. It was the most miserable, heartaching experience ever. I tried doctors, therapists, surgery, alcohol, porn, toys, cursing, screaming, crying, wishing it would just go away... What utimately worked was when I took ownership of the condition and got myself a set of dilators to work with. How I HATED those dilators. Ultimately though, they paid off... one day, stupid pecker just slid right in... Did it three times that first day to make sure it wasn't just a fluke, but really over.

It will happen... as much as I hate being the bearer of a cliche, it takes patience, time and lots of effort.

I wish you all the best.

Answer 4

Yes it is very treatable. I wonder why your doctor hasn't given you advise. I don't know what degree of it you have but you can gradually stretch you vagina a little more Thu self therapy until you can finally accept him. 2 years seems like a long time for your husband to deal with this. If it were me I would have helped you in treatments daily until the problem was overcome.

Answer 5

I suggest seeing a sex therapist. Some have a harder time than others. It depends on the cause. Don't rush it, but eventually, it may be possible to experience pleasure from sex. It depends on your individual case and prognosis. Having a sensitive partner who will be willing to spend the extra time to make you comfortable enough to have sex will be a BIG plus.

Answer 6

Dont know anything about this but why would u still have sex with your husband if ur in the middle of a divorce.

Answer 7

I've never heard of that word. I could guess what you're talking about. I hope that you recover from that soon.

Answer 8

Your in the middle ofdivorce and your doing the humps with him??? whats with that? I never heard of your desease or malfuntion or whatever it is..maybe you need a MD?

Answer 9

What is vaginismus if i may ask... I have never heard of this... Have you seen a doctor about it? Maybe they can help you fix this with surgery or something.

Answer 10

what???? this "vaginismus" sounds a little made up to me....i am not sure you are telling us the truth......but why dont you ask you obgyn all of these questions....they will know more than some strangers on the Internet.