I need advice on an affair while married?

Question

I met this person at work. we worked together about 4 years. then she got moved into my department and worked there with me for about 3 months. during that time got to know each other too well. started meeting after work and making excuses to meet on weekends. even started missing work once in a while to be together. we both express our love for each other. we both miss each other when we leave. big issue right now. we both married to other people. she is separated with hubby. i am still married, but havent felt like i wanted to be there for long time now. i am now at a situation where i need to decide who is the most important person to me. the womean i married or the woman who i have been having an affair with. like i said i havent been happy in my marriage for a long time about 1 year or more. i feel that i have been happier with the new person that with spouse. i admit that sex has been main focus of our affair, but we both are wanting more.

Answer 1

I'm also in a similar situation as you can refer to my own past questions on the subject. I know how hard it is to contemplate letting go of a even the most horrible of marriages, and how wonderful it is to find someone that you feel you may be more compatible with. I'd say follow your heart and do what makes you happy.

Answer 2

O.k. I think that people do not think these things through. Your focus is on what you are getting instead of what you are giving. Remember it is better to give than to recieve?
If you really thought about what you could give your wife and gone the extra mile to have a nice romp in the hay with her, it may have perked up your sex life.
If you want a woman who have already proven that she can not be trusted to not sleep around and had not respect for marriage then go ahead and get with that little doll you secret have.
She and you are doing the same thing right?
Dude-when you get old that jewel you married-your current wife will be the one who comforts you when you are sick, she will stay there with you when mr. peter does not stand in attention and she would rather you live than have a heart attack trying to get him to stand tall if you know what I mean (?).
All you got to do is just think differently about that lovely wife who you have been neglecting. Women wait for any little sign of her man having love. So be the leader!
You can do better than you have been with that wife. Stop putting that effort into the person you have been messing sorund with and turn back you affection to the wife God gave you dude. You can do it man-
If you are not willing to love her the right way, then let her go man and someone else can be blessed with a woman who is a lady and you go ahead and settle for the female.
Read the poem:

"Now That’s Love"

I know what love is like:
Truly loving someone is giving them the freedom to love you or not
Truly loving yourself is choosing to be someone who uses that freedom to love you
Yea, now that’s love
June 19, 2006 by Arene
copyrighted

Answer 3

Well it sucks you cheated, but it sounds like your marriage is over.
I will tell you what i did before i left my husband of 11 years.....
ask yourself this question and then determine your fate.....
"Have I dont everything that I know of, to salvage this marriage? Is there anything else that I could possibly do to make this work?"

If you are confident that nothing else can be done, then the marriage is over.
Also, I am not so sure you can actually make an accurate decision with the gf still in the picture hindering your thoughts.
What i would do is take some time away from the gf, dont call her, dont see her and spend time at home. Ask yourself those questions that i mentioned above, and then make the determination of what u need to do with your future. But when you make that decision, it need not be biased in any way by the gf. She should understand if you explain it to her. Its the only way to be perfectly honest with yourself and make a sound decision.
Just my opinion.
Good luck in whatever decision you make.

Answer 4

oooo, well let me just say congratulations on not getting caught. You should really think about your wife and how she's feeling which is probably neglected! Man, you need to seriously talk to the woman you're having an affair with and find out if you both really want more out of this or if it's really just what it is...an affair. (If there are children involved please stop the affair and return to your wife.) Anyways talk to the woman you're having an affair with and find out if you're both willing to leave your spouses, if the answer is yes then come clean. Think about the consequences. Are you really ready to break the heart of the woman you thought you once were in love with? There are many things to take into consideration but it all depends if this affair is something more serious

Answer 5

Yeah, amazingly you haven't been happy in your marriage for about a year or so....when did this affair start? Are you so completely morally bankrupt that you cannot see where this is WRONG????? If you are having problems with your marriage, and you want out of your marriage, that's one thing, but to cheat on your wife is just plain WRONG!!!! The most important person in this right now is your WIFE, the woman who you stood up in front of other people, and promised to be faithful to, until death do you part, remember that part????

Do your wife (and this girl) a favor, end all communication with this other woman, yes, even if you have to find another job. Break up with your wife (she deserves better), and then when your divorce is final, THEN see if this other woman (who's been cheating on her husband--so I guess that made it all ok...) if she's free of her husband.

BTW, when you get divorced, and then wind up marrying this gal you're with now, you'll get tired of her too, have an affair on her, and this will go on ad infinitum.

Answer 6

it was so nice of you to have the affair and then when the affair is in full swing sit back and wonder who you should be with. it's always easy to find fault with your wife after you are the one out cheating on her. with any luck she finds you just as much of a dud as you seem to find her and she is out doing the same thing you are. but probably not.

go and tell your wife, I'm sure she will make up your mind for you. then you won't have to spend all of this time "wondering" what you should do!

and by the way, if you do stay with the "girlfriend" remember how the two of you got together and remember the old saying once a cheat always a cheat. that goes for you too. when she starts to get to be old hat after a while you will start looking again.
hope neither of you will be surprised.

and by the way, i hope that you have plenty of assets for your women to sell off so that they can start their lives over after loving the likes of you.

Answer 7

people always feel obligated to stay in the marriage but you know what, that marriage that people hold so sacred became null and void when you committed the adultery, so how can the marriage mean so much if you are sleeping outside the marriage bed? not to be hard but a dear friend of mine is going through this and i cant convince her that he claims to be so honarable and divorce isnt an option, but then i guess cheating is, because both are wrong, both can be considered sins if you wanna look at it that way, the difference is when you let the marriage go without the cheating thats just it you tried and let go but when you cheat you arent trying and so now you are guilty of 2 wrongs instead of just one, but you know what...life is too short...go watch the movie IF ONLY with jennifer love hewitt and then make your decision....good luck

Answer 8

Having an affair should make it clear to you that your marriage is no longer meaningful. Be fair to yourself and your wife and leave the marriage. You can continue seeing the other woman as a single man without destroying your own reputation and humiliating your wife. Do the right thing and no one gets hurt more than necessary..

Answer 9

Are you finding fault in your marriage because you are seeing someone else? All relationships start out great. But they don't stay in the honeymoon stage. You made a commitment to your wife. If you no longer love her, then go your separate ways. But don't continue to do this behind her back.

If you decide to end your marriage, analyze what type of relationship you will have w/this other woman.

Answer 10

No judgment right here - you're committing your self to being unhappy. He would not pick to be with you. you're in love with a guy who chooses no longer to percentage his existence with you. do not you note the difficulty with this? you're not to any extent further stressful the perfect for your self. you're not to any extent further insisting that he percentage his existence with you. you're permitting your self to be the lady on the side. If he extremely loved you, he can provide each and every thing as a lot as be with you. He would not, and he under no circumstances will go away his better 1/2. So, why do you imagine you should be dealt with like this? you should trust that the affection of your existence will do some thing to be with you, and under no circumstances pick to spend an afternoon remote from you. that is even as the relationship is extremely there. What you experience seems properly, although that isn't any longer. trust me. i comprehend. once you enable him flow you'll experience a lot extra perfect! sturdy luck!

Answer 11

Are you looking for someone to tell you it's OK to leave your wife for another woman? Sorry, I'm not going to pretend to think that ANYTHING about what you are doing is OK. (I'm a believer in heal the marriage or get out of the marriage, not heal the marriage or stab your spouse in the back.)

You should get out of the marriage if you're unhappy. Know, though, that statistics have proven that a relationship that starts in deception rarely succeeds.