what can i expect when i marry into a "already made family"?

Question

i am to marry a man thats divorced with a 8 yr old son next month.he very involved in his childs life(good thing) but has a very controling,bitter,jealous exwife that hates me(bad thing).the fact that hes so into his child means i have to deal with her on a daily thing(school activites,sports,phone calls ect)yes i could avoid her but that whould mean spending a great deal of time away from my husband as thier son has almost daily activites that my husband would never miss(and u can bet she will always be there)the worst part is she has him "by the balls" for some reason and he will not stand up for me.he says its better for his son if he does not "make waves" with her.will this get better when we marry?

Answer 1

Run far, far away and very very quickly.

Answer 2

No, it will not. It will only get worse. When you marry into a situation like that, you take on all of the negatives. She has every right to be at all of her son's events, maybe even more of a right than you. Of course she has him by the balls. She is the mother of his child. There is a bond that will NEVER go away! Please, really consider what you are doing. If you marry into this, you have no right to complain about it anymore because you knew what you were up against when you went into it.

Answer 3

Get use to it. When he argures with you on the subject, remind him that he is married to you, and not her any more. He does not have to please her. Yes, they have a son together, but she should not control your husband. Doubt it will stop. But if you let her get to you, then in a sence she is controling oyu as well. Don't sweat this. She is the ignorant one. And he, well, he just don;t want to cause waves. For his sons sake, I am sure you will hear. I act like my husbands ex is my best friend. Kind'a fun when she calls. Trust me you can get revenge by being nice. When we went to court for custody (we lost) She stated how evil of a person I was, but yet was unable to recall one bad thing about me. Yeah, our lawyer tore her a new hole. She still tries to control everything. Recently she re-wrote the child cisitation guidlines to fit her needs and thought my husband would sign it. At this point in our marriage, I simply say, Do what you want, their your kids. HE did not sign it. He use to think that I wanted to control him as well. Don't nag. Just on occasion if she hurts or offends you, simply tell your husband how you feel. But always remember people like her only feel better about them selves when they put others down. Sad to be like that, but it happens. You know why she is so jealous. You have the man she couldn't keep, and also the begining love of her son. Something that a mother hates, she thinks you can replace her. You know you never could, but she is insecure. Although, when his son is in your house, you deserve respect. Perhaps he does, but with an evil controlling mother, be sure she will try to get him against you. MY husbands ex bought my step son a cell phone when he was 9 so he could call her when ever he was unhappy about me. Then sure enough, she would call the house phone at yell at me. Simply I told her, this is my house, and I do not call you and tell you how to parent. She also made a bogus report with the police and CPS about me abusing her child. Yeah well, I was proven innocent, and she hasn't said a word about it. Funny thing what women do to try to prove they are a better mother than someone else. The way I see it, in a few years my step sons will know that I am not the bad guy, nor do I bad mouth their mother. When they do grow up, they will become adults who will see what kind of person she really is, Untill then, well, I just laugh to myself at the things she says and does to try to look better than me. By the way.... when your marriage is ready a baby will make her extreamly jealous. For you can give him something she can't.

Answer 4

Drama...and lots of it.
Even though your man is choosing a new life for himself, the Ex will always be bitter. Your probably going to have to give in to her many times for the sake of your stepson.
Just face the fact that you will be second fiddle. It may sound like a sacrifice that your willing to make for now, but its going to get old really fast.
Set some ground rules now and stay firm with your decisions or else you'll be used as a door- mat.

Answer 5

he is right not to make waves for the child's sake, that would be in the child's best interest. There is nothing wrong with having a already made family. Most single women with children start this way, in finding a man to except her children Be a grown up women and stand by your man

Answer 6

No this will never get better - well not until his son is 18 anyhow, and more than likely it will get worse. His ex would hate whoever he is with and will I am sure put effort into making you both misreable. He is right not too not make trouble with her, it will only make things worse and interfer in his relationship w his son. It sux but thats just the way it is.

Answer 7

I'm a dude and I'm telling u better work out things b4 u get married. my bro is in the same situation as your soon to be husband he let his ex wife run all over him and and have more then a lil bit on what goes on in his son life. my bro is a yes man, his new wife gets real upset its funny looking from the outside in but living it everyday im sure its all bad from his new wife. everybody including me tell my bro to grow some ball. but i don't think he can its just one of those things. good luck

Answer 8

At first I would love to tell you to run far away and dont look back..but if you love him that is hard to do...You need to tell him exactlly how you feel and if he is the right man for you he will understand and work on his behavior when it comes to the ex. As far as she is concerned...honey, you have him..they are divorced for a reason, just go to those outings with him and when she shows up, "kill her with kindness" and never take that smile off your face...(and it will be hard) but if he is worth it then it is something you have to do.

Answer 9

Nope! When you marry him you also get all the baggage that goes along with it. Don't be silly thinking that getting married will change everything. You will have to put up with his ex for the next 10 years.

Answer 10

It may get better but not over night. Try to be tolerant, some women are very vindictive and you don't want to give her any reason to make it hard for him to be with his son.

Answer 11

No it won't get better EVER. So many people ask about the ex wife and why the husband lets her walk all over his new girl.