If you cheated on your spouse, and you want them back how to go about it, when they say no....?

Question

i was in a realtionship for 6 years, my partner was gone 270 days out of the year with her job.....we had not had sex for over a year and when she came home it was hard to communicate and she was stressed from work and felt over whelmed by having to do things at the house....i got lonely and had an affair i owned up to it and said i was sorry...my partner says she hates me, doesn't want to touch me or have anything to do with me, she is abusive when she yells at me and throws things at me..i am not able to get out, until we get the house appraised and settle up finacailly ..i have said sorry so many times but all she does is yell at me...she is bitter which i can understand her pain...but when is enough, how do i go about making her see that maybe this is a wake up call and that i need her to sit down with me and talk, i don't want to upset her anymore then she is....so i stuff.....i would go to counseling but she won't even consider it..its been three months now.....should i give up

Answer 1

well it seems you have tried everything with her. You should explain to her that your in a relationship not married! There's a big difference there. The second one is shes gone all the time!
What does she think you should do, be a monk?.
Clearly she values her job more than you. I would say this type of living benefited you. Loose her.. Sorry!

Answer 2

It sound like maybe you both would be happier apart. I don't know how you can have a relationship with someone who is gone 270 days out of the year, I can't stand to be apart from my husband for a weekend. You would think if you spent such a small amount of time together, she would want to be with you when she was home but in a way, I can understand. My father traveled frequently while I was growing up, and when he was home, it sort of threw everything off. We were used to going about our business without him around. That does NOT excuse what you did however. You can't force her to take you back. Maybe this was just the excuse she was looking for to separate. Best of luck to you, you sound like a decent person. You can hardly be blamed for what you did. I hope things work out.

Answer 3

It received't do you any sturdy to make certain if he's dishonest. in case you do not trust him and also you've faith he has been untrue- only go away. if you're only no longer particular- then communicate over with him. attempting to sneak round shouldn't do some thing except help you justify your anger if he's dishonest. truly, that is only no longer well worth it. You deserve extra perfect than that. i wager what it comes all the way down to is: may you be in a position of forgive him if he did? If the answer is certain, then attempt counseling- that could be sensible. If no longer- then brace your self for the worst and confront him. He will be less than pressure and which will be causing in spite of change in habit that brought about you asking this question. sturdy luck!

Answer 4

kind of distance yourself from her as much as possible and if she wants to talk to u she will. she is hurt, feels terrible. i don't care what your excuse is it really is no reason to do what u did. i would try some prayer if i were u. she isn't ready to talk yet, there is no time limit on something like this, and sometimes people are never able to forget betrayal, depending on her self esteem, if it is high she may never forgive u. she feels betrayed by u. u will need to do more than just be sorry, u will have to admit that your choice hurt her, and that there was no excuse at all. she was away on her job, so u should have used better judgment here.

Answer 5

Yes, you should give up, and maybe next time remember what "forsaking ALL others means." There weren't exceptions to your marriage vows, the minister didn't say "well, if she's gone for 270 days out of the year, and your sex life has gone to heck, then it's ok to find someone else."

Answer 6

Your a good man anyone could see that ! Don't be like me and waste two years of your life because you wanted something so perfect in your life ! Because she isn't and your not as it turns out you just werent perfect enough for each other. Sounds so similar to my ex and God it can hurt, but who is she really angry at - probably the world or herself. My ex would disappear for weeks at a time with no returned calls or messages from her cell, but if you ever looked at someone else she would give those death stares, not a healthy relationship as it turns out ! Move on and don't waste your own life dwelling on her, because just like a shot she'll move on real quick !

Answer 7

Since you are probably going to be bashed by just about everyone who reads this, I'm actually going to give you a little insight as to how this works. I was cheated on too. We were married about ten years, both of us worked opposite shifts and we literally lived separate lives. I was supermom who put myself through school while working part time and he worked three jobs. We were strangers. So I understand how the temptation occurred. HOWEVER, women, at least some women, take our vows to heart. Come hell or high water, we don't ever cross that line. I'm sure she had plenty of opportunity, but she didn't. The fact that you did, in her eyes, makes you less of a man. Not only is she bitter and angry, but she's probably really disappointed that you put such little faith into the relationship you had. In her eyes, a real man, would have sat down, told her the issues going on and try to work through the problems. You didn't do that. In jist, she's entitled to be pist. Put the shoe on the other foot. Seriously think about it from her perspective. You'd be awfully angry too honey.

Now comes the hard part. It took me two years and alot of counseling before I even let go of the anger I had for my husband. Not everyone is like me. Everyone comes to terms with their problems in their own time. You honestly need to give her that time. Harping on her to work it out only angers her more. You are putting pressure on her that quite frankly she doesn't deserve. You were the one who cheated and she's entitled to however long it takes for her to work through it and come up with a plan B. I'm not guaranteeing that you are going to be part of plan B, but if you lay off, maybe suggest counseling and do your part in being held accountable for every second of every minute of every day to meet her satisfaction, she may develop enough trust to take that step towards making it work. Most affairs lead to divorce. Mine didn't and looking back, the affair actually opened our eyes as to how wrong we were living. We are now much closer because of it. I'm not condoning it by any stretch of the imagination. I'm simply saying that without having to have gone through that, we would not be as close and as happy as we are today. Today we are the best of friends, today there are no secrets, today we live life for each other, not ourselves and there will be a tomorrow for us.

I wish the best of luck to you honey. Along with that, a ton of patience and the strength of God....because you are going to need it if you TRULY want this work.

Answer 8

wow 270 days.. i dont know her, but im willing to bet she cheated on you too. i would never be able to go 270 days without a mans affection! most women cant even go a month! ya see my step mom cheated on my dad and never told him, but when he confessed that he had cheated... my step mom went even more berserk than she would have, because she knew the feeling of having another person to love you for a few nights and that made her even more jealous that he felt that feeling and had not felt it for her.

do ya know what i mean? it made her even more jealous.. cus she knew how he felt when he was with the other women.


we are just people. cheating is wrong. it broke my heart to hear my dad cheated. but 270 days!?!? its deffinatly understandable.

and hey
if you love her. never give up. ever.

Answer 9

No do not give up yet... Go to counseling for yourself and get help for you and for this situation. I dont feel you should go back to her if she is abusive and mean though. Until she is ready for help and counseling she will not go.... I feel that you both need some time and space to heal here.

Answer 10

One way to start is be setting an example. If you wanna go to counselling then start going by yourself first to show that you care about her and the relationship.