How do I deal w/ this??? We were 2gether 4 four months and he never told me, just as I really fell 4 him he said he was gay and in the closet and is now coming out. There were signs...he didnt want to have sex right away but I just thought he was willing 2 wait...am I really naive or just really stupid?
2007-02-05 13:22:28 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Thank you so much every one...im so sorry, i thought 4 months was bad, nine years is awful, its really hard 2 get over him, i really liked him, i think we will become friends eventually just not right now, its hurts to much.
2007-02-07 09:56:11 · update #1
I am so sorry that you have to go through this, but better now than later. I was with a guy for NINE YEARS when he decided he was gay. He wasted the best years of my life. There were NO signs until the very end of the NINE YEARS. Just thank God that this user/loser is out of your life now while you still have time to find a real man.
PS Radagast: If you read my answers I am only "bitter" about one thing: This type of abuse. Like one of the respondents said below, I was part of a NINE YEAR experiment to see if he was really gay or not. I had many gay friends up until that point, but realized that was my hugh wake up call to turn in a different direction. I feel for this young lady and any other person that is used for this reason. How can you be friends with anyone that so shamelessly used you and was anything but honest with you. I say out with bad rubbish.
2007-02-05 13:28:29 · answer #1 · answered by Yahoogirl 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
No male I've ever known, gay or straight, religious or secular, of any race, wants to wait for sex. The fact that you didn't recognize that does not make you stupid, and only as naive as your own needs make you -- which is in NO WAY your fault. So stop blaming yourself.
Regardless, there is nothing you can do to make him change, anymore than he can make a straight boi change to gay -- he is what he is, and what he is happens to be gay. That doesn't mean you can't have a good friend out of the deal -- but you need to release him. If he is even a bit bi and it is meant to be, he'll be back -- and if it isn't, there is nothing you can do.
Having been on the other end of this type of thing many years ago at your age (my first boyfriend loved me but was so close to totally straight it didn't matter, we actually had sex for some time, but ultimately -- I let him go rather than push him to live a lie I knew would never change. We are still friends though) I sympathize, but can only suggest that you become friends, and let what could have been fade away.
The Road Goes Ever On and On
Out from the Door Where it Began
Now Far Ahead the Road has Gone
And I Must Follow if I Can
Pursuing it With Weary Feet
Until it Meets Some Larger Way
Where Many Paths and Errands Meet
Whither then? I Cannot Say!
-- JRR Tolkien
Kindest thoughts,
Reynolds
believeinyou24@yahoo.com
PS Yahoogirl -- I knew your incredible bitterness came from somewhere -- now I know where. I am sorry. Releasing it and healing is better for you -- if you are willing.
2007-02-05 14:17:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
a lot of people don't want to have sex just starting in a relationship, you cared about him so maybe there were other signs that you didn't see. It happens, when a person loves you they don't look at anything you do to stereotype you or put you into a category because that doesn't matter. Others might ask how couldn't you tell, and thats only because you were focused on how he was and how he treated you, not the vibes he gives off. As for what you should do, you should support him. He might feel bad about leading you on, but a lot of people in the closet don't do that to hurt, they just want to figure things out and make sure of what they want and don't want. So now you should just be his friend and not his girlfriend or try to change him because since he's coming out, if you do love him as a friend, he'll need you more now than before. Know that he is about to encounter the things that usually keep people in the closet.
2007-02-05 13:36:51 · answer #3 · answered by b_mb3100 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You had no way of knowing he was gay and he was wrong to keep it from you and lead you on like that. I don't want to judge desperate men but what he did, for whatever reason he felt the need to, was apprehensible.
Look at it this way he still paid you more courtesy then some men do. He could have waited until you were married with children to come out, atleast he ended it somewhat quickly. There are plenty of more fish in the sea, just tell yourself that it's not your fault and then go out a fishing.
2007-02-05 14:37:12 · answer #4 · answered by Rageling 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You know you aren't stupid or naive! But check out who you tend to be attracted to, and why. If you see a pattern, get to a therapist and resolve this quickly before you become one of the masses of straight women who fall for gay men. Oh-- and being willing to wait wasn't a sign! Lots of nice, straight men are willing to wait!
2007-02-05 14:15:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
...boy did he put a damper on YOUR confidence. Sorry, getting serious. He said he was in the closet, right? He was probably using you for an experiment, to see if he was really gay.
You're not naive, nor stupid. You're human, and you're hurt. Give yourself time to grieve, and then pick yourself back up again. ^_^
2007-02-05 13:42:12 · answer #6 · answered by Sabrina 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Any of your individuals aspects any solid information or witnesses that your bf is gay or bisexual? tell them that as quickly as they have information or a witness then they are able again refer to you - till then they might desire to save quiet. exterior of that, in case you have even the slightest doubt approximately your bf then consistent with probability you will possibly desire to rearrange for some quiet time jointly the place you are able to talk with him approximately it in a peaceful, reassuring, non-threatening way. If he somewhat is gay/bi then it heavily isn't difficulty-free for him to speak approximately it. So be mushy, be variety and be very be attentive to-how of his concern of rejection by his pals and others who might desire to not be openminded. solid success.
2016-09-28 11:41:45 · answer #7 · answered by vyky 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he was a gay, why he start a relationship with you in the first place? Either he is a bastard, or this is just an excuse for him to leave you. You are not stupid, I am not a gay, but I have with my girl for 8 months, but we doesn't have sex yet.
2007-02-05 13:59:25 · answer #8 · answered by Tan D 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You're not naive and you are not stupid. What you are is hurt and shocked. You won't believe it now, but it IS best you found out now rather than later.
I wish you the best in dealing with your broken heart. It will get better.
2007-02-05 13:27:11 · answer #9 · answered by castle h 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
nop ! your not stupid or naive , you just got fool by someone that can't make up his mind or he just don't know what he wants.
It's was only 4 months get over it and move on and be happy it wasn't 4 years.
Stupid is a women that sleeps with a man knowing he's sleeping with other men.
Naive is a women that thinks she can Chang him.
your not naive or stupid so now just be smart and move on.
HAY summeravi up there ( give him sometime ? to do what ?)
2007-02-05 13:59:09 · answer #10 · answered by ღ♥ஐcookie1ஐ♥ღ 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋