Recently, i was away to visit family and my husband went next door to hang out with some new neighbors. They have lived here about 2 months and we live in a townhouse. The people living there are roomates- a woman about 27 and a guy who is 20. Anyway, while playing cards, the female asked my husband if we were swingers. My husband told her definitely not and she said well that's too bad. Apparently, she is into having sex w/married couples which is disgusting to me. I am appalled that she even asked this. My husband told her to never bring that crap up to me cuz i am not interested and neither is he. She also stated that she thought i was attractive. This has made me very uncomfortable being around her since, especially with close living. My problem is my husband thinks i should get over it and it is no big deal, but i dont wanna hang out with them. He's okay with it. I dont want people like that around me, just because they are neighbors doesnt change my feelings. Am i being uptight??
2007-02-05 13:20:32 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No. Your neighbour is trying to put her worldview down your throat, and even if you were of a similar persuasion is not right to create an atmosphere of mistrust around you. At least for a long while, distance should be kept, but you and your husband must be on the same page. If he waivers, red flags should shoot up.
2007-02-05 13:26:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are uptight, but rightly so.
They've been told. Usually persons in this lifestyle are discrete and you apperantly made them comforatable to approach you. They will probably respect you, and not ask again
About her...now you know how men feel when gay guys say that to us. But most respect it and don't bring up the issue again.
That she asked you husband, she avoided direct confrontation and embarrassment with you. It really was a discrete way to ask.
Tuck it away and be social. But you really should find a private time to politely let her know you're complemented, but confirm your husband's answer. Otherwise she may think he's jealous and didn't even let you know, and might ask you.
Get the anger and disgust in their proper place before you do this you don't want to make enemies of your neighbors.
Unless the prodding happens again, or there's a revolving door of couples coming and going, the lifestyle is theirs, not yours. Then you'll just have to move.
Since she's much older, I suspect she's driving the train.
2007-02-05 13:34:56 · answer #2 · answered by mt_hopper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say that you're a little uptight, since you can always tell them that you're not interested and they will probably not bring it up or try something with you guys. Just because they are swingers, doesn't mean that they are weird or they need to be segregated by others. Swingers have their life style and they follow boundaries within themselves and with others. I met several swinger and they respect others like I respect them.
it's just a choice like you and your husband choose to have a monogamous relationship. Everyone has a set of parameters for life that may be disgusting for you and pleasurable for others and vice-versa. Not for that reason, they are sick, or weird.
It's your choice to not hang out with them. Since you stated that you're husband is not into it, then why worry about it?
2007-02-05 13:42:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it is hard to deal with the "naughty" side of sex if we have never been exposed to it. But take a step back; you only are appalled because you know. There are soo many things that go on behind closed doors. For all you know your best friend or sister is a swinger. (Just making a point)
Are they cool people otherwise? If so, let it go; especially if they haven't brought it up since.
2007-02-05 13:27:05 · answer #4 · answered by libabeinphilly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A little.
Your husband asked them not to raise the issue with you, and they might be otherwise decent people. If they respect you and don't approach you about swinging, then relax. If they bring it up again, politely decline and don't do anything other than say "Hello, nice weather, goodbye" when you see them on the street.
They can't engage you in anything you don't want to participate in. I would only be uncomfortable if they attempted some physical contact. I agree with your husband. Besides...your obvious discomfort just gives them and the situation more power over you. I respect your feelings, but I think you're overreacting.
2007-02-05 13:28:20 · answer #5 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband answered her question-you can be friends with them just let them know that you don't do those things and if they want to remain Friends please don't bring up that subject up again -remember you will find all kinds of people out there but you don't have to do what they do just be yourself-your husband is OK with it because he said what he had to say and he was finish with that-you will have all kinds of people around you even if you move-she can say anything she want but that don't mean that you have to get angry about that-you know that you don't do those things so don't worry-they are your neighbors-be respectful to them-once you have voiced you opinion about the situation they will respect you for that and you will respect yourself-don't dislike people because their life style is different from yours-many people live different life styles but they are good people-give them a chance they may end up being good people and good friends
2007-02-05 14:05:48 · answer #6 · answered by brown sugar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being uptight at all and i sure can understand why you feel this way... Tell your husband that you dont want to be around them anymore as you feel it is just not right and you stay away from them. You cannot make your husband not be friends with them though but you dont have to be. Respect him for how he feels and ask him to respect your wishes in return. Meet yuor husband halfway on this.
2007-02-05 13:26:04 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah it goes against your beliefs and you're not comfortable with knowing that about her. The interesting thing is that she could of not said anything and you wouldn't of known any different. So what's the difference? Also, how many people that you know hide things from you because they know you wouldn't approve? You just never know for sure who does what when you're not looking. I don't think that you should judge her because she was being honest unlike others and that is a trait you want in a friend.
2007-02-05 14:12:59 · answer #8 · answered by Tasha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly yes you are uptight. The girl asked a question only. She didn't jump he's bones cause she obviouslly knows that's wrong. As to thinking you're attractive, so what? you're attractive big deal, you should be happy.
2007-02-05 13:30:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
no you are not being uptight i would be wondering why your husband is trying to push them down your throat if he isnt interrested and besides that i beleave every man is interested no matter what they say so i would be carefull with neighbors like that who needs enemies!!!!!
2007-02-05 13:30:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋