How long can I bear this pain?

Question

The crisis is over but the pain is unbearable. When I found a passionate love letter written by wife to her happily married classmate, I could understand that she might not be thinking about our kids or me or her partents or the honour of the family when she did it. But I do not understand the purpose of this whole affair over internet. She is very sad now that I am miserable. She has always been nice to me, though I harassed her in the past. We made up our differences and been happy and I never suspected a thing till the letter. She gave me instances of her love for me and I do not doubt any of it. But the contents of letter are so much full of love for this guy that I can't understand how she could be travelling in two boats as she never need be. She has money, bright career ahead and two wonderful kids and the support of her family. I have none of these though I am workingand her parents hate me. I don't understand why she didn't tell me to get out of her life before she did this?

Answer 1

start loving her, really loving her, communicating like u never did before, the letter to this other man is a cry for some sort of attention, about something she wants and is not getting emotionally. if this man is happily married than the chance of him leaving his wife are very slim while he may feel flattered he is not going to ruin his marriage, she needs some emotional support from u, she needs to know u love her, she needs to see the softer side of u minus any harassment. when we women get upset, we feel emotionally disconnected so we may seek an emotional affair with someone if we aren't getting it from our husbands. good luck

Answer 2

It sounds like you both have issues. As a couple, you're not communicating at all. She's unhappy and has directed her affections to someone else, and you have issues with your self esteem-- wondering what she's doing with you.

Unless you are happy with yourself, you will never be happy. Even if you think there's someone who loves you more, your low self image will be an issue. I'm wondering if you really resolved the issues you had before. Was your harassment of her insecurity on her part? Have you sat down and asked her how she feels about you? Demonstrations of love are one thing, but how does she FEEL? I'm not blaming you, but understanding what drove her to express this passion to someone else is a big step to resolving the problem.

I recommend that you go to couples counseling. Not only will you be counseled as a couple, the therapist will probably want to see you individually as well. It's understandable that this situation has thrown you for a loop, but you're torturing yourself with questions that you can't possibly answer. You need to get your communication back on track. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

I dont think anyone can understand why one cheats but i do beleave it is kindof in thier blood and it is sad that she is the one with all the support but maybe you are just in a rough spot right now and things will turn around for you and be better i know it hurts but just imagine if you had not found the letter and then went on living a lie sometimes the truth hurts but it is better to know now than to find out years from now!!!!!

Answer 4

Pay attention to the letter, the things that are in the letter about love are the things that she is feeling that she does not have in your present relationship. If you could be all the things she wants you to be in the letter could you? if not, its time to let it go, but if you can and want to be you can change the whole situation around to you benefit. She olny reach out because she felt that she was not getting this benefit from her present realtionship, can you change and make her happy or giver her what was missing in the first place, try and see what happens. Take care Heather

Answer 5

I am very sorry. We never know why people just can't be straightforward with their significant others. It's actually good that you found the letter, b/c now it is out in the open and you can talk about it honestly. She probably loves you a lot, but does not want to hurt you with her love for this other person. The grass is always greener... I hope you can talk honestly with her about your feelings and hers. Just remember, there are others out there who will be honest and care for you too, if it doesn't work out with her. Best of luck...

Answer 6

Sometimes people do stupid things. She needs to decide if she wants to be with you and the kids; and you need to decide if you can handle either decision. People do make mistakes, so I think if she apologizes, you can decide if you want to give her a second chance.

Women want to feel loved in ways that sometimes men can't fulfill. Maybe the affair is nothing more than love notes to write out fantasies. Have you asked her the extent of the affair? Is it over now?

Answer 7

There is a song by Mary Wells, called 2 lovers, where she sings about having 2 lovwers and loving them both the same. It can happen. On a rational level we know it is wrong, on an emotional level we give in. Maybe it is time for you and your wife to talk about the love life you have, assess it, evaluate it, and try to find more spice in it...good luck

Answer 8

You should really talk to your wife about the letter ask her if it means that you 2 are over.

Answer 9

Sounds like you both were not communicating well with each other that she turned to the internet. It is easy to do......But I think you both need couple counseling.
Good luck and start communicationg more.

Answer 10

You just gotta get over it and move on dude....this too shall pass....tomorrow is another day....the pain will subside...find the positives in your life and dwell on them...your children maybe...I am sure they are hurting too...stop dwelling on the why and how....move on and make a good example for your children.