How do I get on with my life?

Question

I need to make a life for myself and get a job but I can't find any work.

I would like to go out more but I'm scared that I will look like a loner and no one will talk to me.

I fell out with my friends ages ago and I have trouble making new ones. I can't be around smokers because I have a bad heart condition and loads of people seem to smoke nowadays.

How should I take the first step?

Any help or advice.

Answer 1

I think a first step would be to get a job, I know you said you can't find work but any job for now would be good because it would get you out and give you contact with people. It's hard going out on your own because it's risky of who will talk to you and may wish you'd stayed in. You try joining a club or do a course in something you're intersted in, this way you'll meet people more like youself becaue you'll have somthing in common and it'll be a good reason to then maybe go out with people. Doing some activity even if it's just going to the gym twice a week, you'll begin to recognise people and likewise they'll recognise you and you feel like you've got some sort of life because you are invovled in something. Just going out to bars or clubs is'nt a good idea because it's too random. I really suggest looking for a job again even if it's whilst you look for a better one, it's better than staying in. What are you interests?? Find something to do that you like and you will certainly begin to feel like you have a life!
Good Luck and hope you find a job and something to do and that you make some new friends.
Melissa

Answer 2

Try getting a Dog, they make for great company and they are great conversation starters for if you meet someone you like. Try visiting public areas more, i dont mean night clubs coz they are just full of idiots. Try going to a few local bars and chat to a few guys there, always an easy way to make new friends.

When looking for a job, just take the first thing you can get. This may not sound like an idea thing to do but atleast it gets you out of the house and motivated. I always prefer looking for a new job while in a job.

Speaking from personal experience, a few years ago i was in the same situation, i just look back and see how far my life has come. Things never stay the same for long so dont worry too much about it.

Anyhoo if your ever in Scotland and fancy a beer let me know

Answer 3

depends upon your age and physical stamina there are lots of people thinking the same i take it you are of a more mature age and maybe lost a dear one if this is the case which i feel being a non smoker and a heart condition is an excuse not to venture afar isn't make the step you don't have to mix with smokers or a certain type of person just be you and things will developer naturally as soon as you let go of the past and start living Dave

Answer 4

Is there any exercise program at the hospital that will get you out regularly, does your hospital have a swimming club you can join maybe?

Alternatively, join other health orientated group that would be ok for your heart problem, Tai Chi, Yoga, Swimming etc.

Make a list of the things you like, or like doing that perhaps would be useful in finding work and joining a club may be.

Then think about what is available in your area that connects with your list of likes. Try Fish for Jobs on-line too.

Don't worry about joining any club on your own, there are bound to be other people also attending on their own.

Good Luck

Answer 5

Swallow your faults and man up. Nobody owes you anything. Turn your negatives into positives. Stops being so nervous with your palms sweaty. Breathe in and out and say "I have faith". Go to lounges/ restaurants where there is no smoking allowed. Stop wearing trhe same lousy outfit. Get your hair fixed nice and go shopping at Marshalls. They are cheap. Stop judging people. Dont get involved with peoples personal lives. Accept your faults along with others faults. Good luck. You only live once!!!

P.S. Fix your resume up professionally and take what you get. Stop being picky. Accept a job that you really dont want to do, and your sacrifice will be rewarded with something greater down the road. Patience is a virtue!

Answer 6

Join some kind of exercise class like ti che or martial arts as most people wont smoke and probably have a positive outlook on life which will help lift your spirits and you get to meet people

Volunteering is supposed to be very rewarding and you might find something you really want to do for work

Answer 7

wait till the summer and go to a pub. no1 will be able to smoke & yall find some fit bird 2 share the rest of ya life and fantasies with init!!!! till then get a jop in a hospital cos no1can smoke & u will feel rewarded for all the good that u bring

Answer 8

Get a job. any kind of job. Pizza delivery, dishwasher, hamburg flipper, greeter at Walmart. Join some thing such as friends of the library, 12 step group, church group so that you will meet new people.

Answer 9

im not sure.u cant

Answer 10

LOVE vs. Attachment.

What in the world is the difference between loving a person and being attached to them?
Love is the sincere wish for others to be happy, and to be free from suffering.
Having realistically recognized others' kindness as well as their faults, love is always focused on the other person’s welfare. We have No ulterior motives to fulfill our self-interest, or to fulfill our desires; to love others simply because they exist.
Attachment, on the other hand, exaggerates others' good qualities and makes us crave to be with them. When we're with them, we're happy, but when we're separated from them, we are often miserable. Attachment is linked with expectations of what others should be or do.
Is love as it is usually understood in our society
really love? or attachment ? or even possibly for some, only selfish lust.
Let us examine this a bit more. Generally we are attracted to people either because they have qualities we value or because they help us in some way. If we observe our own thought processes mindfully, and carefully - we'll notice that we look for specific qualities in others.
Some of these qualities we find attractive, others are those our parents, or society value.
We examine someone's looks, body, education,
financial situation, social status. This is how most of us decide on whether or not the person holds any true value to us.
In addition, we judge people as worthwhile according to how they relate to us. If they help us, praise us, make us feel secure, listen to what we have to say, care for us when we are sick or depressed, we consider them good people, and it is this type of people we are most likely to be more attracted to.

But this is very biased, for we judge them only in terms of how they relate to "us", as if we are the most important person in the world.
After we've judged certain people to be good for us, whenever we see them it appears to us as if goodness is coming from them, but if we are more aware, we recognize that we have projected this goodness onto them.

Desiring to be with the people a lot who make us feel good, we become emotional yo-yo's -
when we're with these people, we're Up, when we're not with these people, we're Down.

Furthermore, we form fixed concepts of what our relationships with those people will be and thus have expectations of them. When they do not live up to our expectations of them, we're very disappointed, or may become angry !
We want them to change so that they will they will match what we think they are. But our projections and expectations come from our own minds, not from the other people.
Our problems arise not because others aren't
who we thought they we're, but because we mistakenly thought they were something they
aren't.
Checklist: "I Love You if __________ "
What we call love is most often attachment.
It is actually a disturbing attitude that overestimates the qualities of another person.
We then cling to tightly to that person, thinking our happiness depends on that person.
"Love, on the other hand, is an open and very calm, relaxed attitude. We want someone to be happy, and free from suffering simply because they exist. While attachment is uncontrolled and much too sentimental, Love is direct and powerful. Attachment obscures our judgment and we become impatient, angry, and impartial, helping only our dear ones and harming those who we don't like. Love builds up others, and clarifies our minds, and we
access a situation by thinking of the greatest good for everyone. Attachment is based on
selfishness, while Love is founded upon cherishing others, even those who do not look very appealing to the eyes. Love looks beyond
all the superficial appearances, and dwells on the fact that they are just like us: they want inner peace, happiness, and want to avoid suffering. If we see unattractive, dirty, ignorant people, we feel repulsed because our selfish minds want to know attractive, intellectual, clean, and talented people. Love, on the other hand, never evaluates others by these superficial standards and looks much deeper into the person. Love recognizes that regardless of the others' appearances, their experience is the same as ours: they seek inner peace, to be happy, to be free from sufferings, and to do their best to avoid problems.
When we're attached, we're not mentally and emotionally free. We overly depend on and cling to another person to fulfill our mental and especially our emotional needs. We fear losing the person, feeling we'd be incomplete without him.
This does not mean that we should suppress our emotional needs or become aloof, alone and totally independent, for that too does not solve the problem. We must simply realize our unrealistic needs, and slowly seek to eliminate them. Some emotional needs may be so strong that they can't be dissolved immediately.
If we try to suppress them or pretend they do not exist, we become anxious, insecure, falling into a depression. In this case, we can do our best to fulfill our needs while simultaneously working gradually to subdue them.
"The core problem is we seek to be loved, rather than to love. We yearn to be understood by others rather than to understand them. In all honesty, our sense of emotional insecurities comes from the selfishness obscuring our own
minds. 'We can develop self-confidence by recognizing our inner potential to become a selfless human being with many, magnificent qualities, then we'll develop a true and accurate feeling of self-confidence. And
then we'll seek to increase true love, without attachments, to increase compassion, to cultivate patience and understanding, as well as generosity, concentration and wisdom.'

'Under the influence of attachment we're bound by our emotional reactions to others. When they are nice to us, we're happy. When they ignore us, or speak sharply to us, we take it personally and are unhappy. But pacifying attachment doesn't mean we become hard-hearted. Rather, without attachment there will be space in our hearts and minds for genuine Affection and Impartial Love for them.
We'll be actively involved with them.
If we learn to subdue our attachments, we can most definitely have successful friendships and personal relationships with others. These relationships will be richer because of the freedom and respect - the relationships will be based on. We'll care about the happiness and the misery of all human beings equally, simply because everyone is the same in wanting and needing inner peace, happiness, and not wanting to suffer. However, our lifestyles and interests may be more compatible with those of some people more so than with others and that is alright. In any case, our relationships will be based on mutual Love, mutual interests, and the wish to help each other in life.