should we divorce part 2?

Question

I guess I should have elaborated a little more on this question. I Have tried counceling. He declines. I try to talk logically he gets irate. He thinks that because I know down inside that he loves me that this should be enough. But you still must make a person feel good about themselves. I understand and appreciate all that he does to support his family but that doesnt give him the right to s**t all over the one person who loves him most. He has always been an angry person. Was I wrong for thinking I could change him? And as for parenting classes. Absolutely not necessary Im a great mom. But everyone needs a break here and there I dont care if you are Mrs. Brady. Everyone needs a release. Am I being selfish, or should I just get trampled on. I would love to make it work because i am a FIRM believer that every child should have a family with 2 parents in the home. Should I push my feelings aside, just for their sake? And thanks to all who answered the first one.

Answer 1

tell him to get plugged in, or get off the pot.
tell him you deserve better, and there are plenty fish in the sea.
tell him what your needs are and you want him to fill them. or you will find someone who will.
good luck!!!!!
men are hard headed, you must kick them in the head several times before they get it.

Answer 2

No person is a God. We are all only human and can only do so much. Sometimes no matter what we do, we cant change another especially if that person doesnt want to change or more often is too scared to change. In this case,only a trained professional is able to break down the walls and help that person "rebuild" themselves from the inside out. Not an easy task and not all can do it. You probably have exhausted all your ways of getting thru to him and nothing worked, a classic sign of someone who doesnt want to change. Youve done nothing wrong here and dont let anyone tell you otherwise. You just cant break thru his walls. He has some internal issues hes dealing with that makes him so irate when you try and til he works thru them he wont change. The biggest thing here Im afraid is youre tearing yourself apart because of him and that definitely is not good for anyone. Maybe you and your little ones need a getaway break from this mess and recharge your batteries and do some soul searching, thinking about whats best for you and your kids, and maybe the best option is to move on until the time where he can get his act back together and is ready for the family life. But only you can decide where the point of enough is enough is and move on. Good luck

Answer 3

I answered the initial question you posted on this issue. Now i'll answer this part 2.

Given the fact that your husband is working and going to school, i wouldn't think he'd have much time on his hands to do much of anything but work, school, and study.

It's not your husbands responsibility to make you feel good about yourself. That's your responsibility. You say he has always been an angry person. If this is the case i would say he's probably a very highly motivated individual who is stressed to the max. If he had less stress in his life to contend with he would more than likely be a very level headed calm individual.

This idea that you thought you could "Change him", is something that women have in their heads. It's probably the most dis-respectful thing a woman can possess in their minds about a person they are suppose to love and cherish.

Frankly, i think you are a very selfish, immature, self-centered individual that needs to grow up and take responsibility for your own actions and quit acting like a child. Which is more than likely the cause of your husbands anger.

Just because you are 21 and have children and are married doesn't mean you are a mature adult female.

It's time to grow up and do your part and show more understanding instead of always feeling sorry for yourself and blaming your husband for being mean.

It's not all about you.

Answer 4

You can go for counselling on your own, it will give you an opportunity to vent your anger in a healthy way. Your husband is probably very stressed out if he is working and going to school. It may bother him that he doesn't get to see much of you and the kids, he may also be frustrated if he isn't providing you with all the things he thinks you deserve. This DOES NOT give him a reason to take his anger out on you. I am just trying to see his point of view as well. If you try counselling on your own, you may find you have less stress. You will be getting out of the house by yourself and having an adult conversation with someone who can help you with your emotions. If you do go alone and it doesn't help the situation then you should let your husband know that you are seriously considering divorce and explain how you feel. I don't think anyone should get a divorce before really trying to save their marriage, but with that said...children would rather be from a broken home than live in one.

Answer 5

People don't change. They grow, mature, become more insightful and knowledgeable but change the basic elements of their character?, no!
Forget changing him. Get him to grow as a person but not by nagging, complaining, dictating or deceiving. Talk to him. Praise him whenever he does something remotely good and tell him you love that about him. He'll start doing more things to keep the praise coming, trust me.
Just think if he told you he loves you in red how you'll be wearing something red atleast once a week to get him to notice and compliment you. It's the same with him. Compliment him, praise him and he'll blossom under all the attention and start returning it.

Do not, however, expect it to be blissfully happy in your home overnite. Progress takes time. You absolutely do not deserve to be trampled on as do no one but rather than pinpoint all the bad stuff in your relationship, focus doubly on the good ones!
And it might sound corny or silly but always remember other people have it worse off than you in this world. Count your blessings. You have children! You're very fortunate!
Good luck!

Answer 6

Sounds like you and your husband are under a great deal of stress. Working and going to school must be tough. But, no that does not give him the right to mistreat you. And, you do not have to bow down to him b/c he is bettering his education to support his family. What I suggest that you do .....is try to be patient. TRY your very best. Let him know that you support him and what he is doing and will tolerate some grouchy days ...as long as he does the same for you. BUT...no matter how grumpy or angry he gets ..he can't take it out on the children. Bottomline......tell him that. If he can't agree.....leave him at mom's for awhile.

Answer 7

Yes, you were wrong for thinking you could change him. If you are in fact a firm believer that every child should have both parents, then go with what you believe, make it work.

Answer 8

you're in common words 22 with in common words a million newborn? it really isn't any longer a huge deal in any respect. BTW, the newborn isn't bags. he's your son. you've your finished existence earlier than you, take care of it and flow on. some human beings have had a spouse that wanted out of the marriage after we are in our late 40's with 3 little ones after 2 many years of marriage and performance made it via... get a backbone.

Answer 9

You were wrong to think you could change him. Get counseling for yourself, without him if need be, for clarity.
The sake of the kids is important- push your feelings aside for their sake.

Answer 10

Seek counselling, think about what you really want, would you like to be with your children in an unhappy home?