What should you do when the sex sucks with your husband?

Question

If your husband is a lousy lay, is a horrible kisser and he has a complete inability to take instruction, or even a hint, and would never ever seek help,

but you really care for him and don't want to hurt his feelings, even though anything you even hint at he gets really offensive and mean, what would you do?

I never liked the way my husband did things in bed, and he is one of those people who are beyond repair, he would NEVER get better because some of those things just can' t be taught, especially to him.

So what should I do if my husband is horrible in bed?
I've tried to enjoy it for years but I can no longer deny to myself how bad he really is.
So now that I'm not fooling myself anymore,
what should I do?
Will I never have good sex ever again? Am I doomed?
I don't think this is grounds for divorce, and I couldn't do that anyway,
so I guess I'm doomed to have a horrible sex life I settled less for for the rest of my life, hah?

lady blue, I put the Master in Masterbate, OK, I know how to please myself, I always have.
But sometimes you like to get banged.
do you catch my drift?

ladyhewit: I said he sucks, not that he's unable to perform.
He likes to do it, he just sucks badly at it.

beautiful: I've already tried that: As ive stated, he watches porn, I try to point it out, but he just DOESN'T GET IT! He doesn't know how to hold himself or get a good angle or something, he is just sloppy and annoying to have sex with, especially because he get's so offended when I seem annoyed and tell him something isn't right, or hurts or whatever.

OK, listen and comprehende` OK people, I don't need to SPICE up my sex life, I don't need spice, We've bought toys, horniness, boredom and arousal are NOT the issues here,
the ISSUE is that he's a lousy lay! I don't know how else to put it.

Answer 1

The sex life in a marriage or relationship is so very important!
I have tried to figure out how important a sex life is in a relationship. I absolutely love having sex, but more than that I enjoy making love. If your not hitting them high notes when you 2 are going at it then its just sex and that gets old because you will care less and less about pleasing your partner and more into just getting the act over and going to sleep. If that's the case you need to ask yourself and him , do you really love me and are attracted to me or am I a habit? You both need to make an effort to either bring the spark back or divorce and find someone that is attracted to you and u to him and see if you can sing like a canary.
once you find someone who can get u there it will be hard to go backwards to the dull drums!

Answer 2

sex with my hubby is not the BEST I've ever had either but he is open minded. Sex has got better and better over the years. What I did was point blank ASK for what i wanted and how i liked it if he did something wrong I'd say i like ""this"" better. Guys SUCK at hints i had to ask for what i wanted "that will take some of the fun away" but in the end you'll get what u wanted. After asking and telling him so many times he got better and better. Every women has different things that they enjoy you need to train a guy to what you want. i had a ex who ex gf loved her belly button licked "i hated it" it took forever to get him to accept that was not my thing. WORK ON IT it will be worth it down the road. nothing works buy toys do it your self. he sounds like a pain in da assss in a bad way. i get that he is horrible in bed it sounds like he even has a horrid personality too. You can't fix who he is. I'm sorry I'm sure your aggravated

Answer 3

If he is just a lousy lay and refuses to take hints or instruction then you have to ask if you are willing to live like that for the rest of your life? If it were me and my husband had no interest in trying to be better in bed I would get frustrated and move on if I didn't have children, because there is someone out there who will love you AND be what you want in bed.

Answer 4

You sound an awful lot like you're trying to justify an affair. Don't expect to get permission from anyone here, unless it's someone who wants to oblige you. Take control of the situation. You may hurt his feelings in the short term, but if it's a choice between an unsatisfying sex life or taking on an affair, chances are your husband will do anything to prevent the latter from occurring. I'd be happy to give you some ideas discreetly on how to pique his interest and get him to listen to what you have to say. There is a solution to this problem, but you have to be willing to take control. In the long run, it'll be worth it.

Answer 5

You should go to therapy by yourself. Bring a list of problems with you to discuss. This will help you to feel better and have your feelings validated. When you feel comfortable, you can then tell him that you have been seeing the therapist. Don't invite him. He will want to know what goes on there (curiosity is a wonderful thing). Don't tell him ANYTHING!!! If he wants to know, he's gotta go. Don't breathe one word to him, but let him know that you're going. Don't tell him if the therapist is a man or woman, their name, where they are, etc. NO DETAILS!!! Again, if he wants to know, he's gotta go. No matter what, the therapy will help you sort through your issues and help you get to the place you need to be.

Answer 6

Face the fact that if he won't take constructive criticism, isn't interested in pleasing you as long as he gets off, then he's very selfish and sounds like it won't get any better. Unless he has some other strong redeeming qualities, you may want to consider leaving him (maybe that will change his attitude and if not, you haven't lost anything).

Answer 7

How about you taking control of the situation in bed, you guide him to whatever you want to do, if that doesnt work mabye you just need to be honest with him and tell him that you want to do things differentlyor take him to a counsellor if nothing else works. Surprise him.

Answer 8

You married someone that could not satisfy you? You must have no pre-marital sex.

You always got to test the goods before you buy them. He is jerking it by himself over a previous girlfreind or you might be the problem.

Sure it is grounds for a divorce.

Answer 9

Go to a sex therapist. Maybe someone can teach him how to make moves. Get a library of sex books... that's how i got my man to do better. lol sex books, men need pictures to tell them how to do stuff. honestly!

Answer 10

Spice things up and try new things... Also take him to a sex therapist as this may be helpful. Maybe he is gay? Have you asked him why he feels this way?