I don't feel a desire anymore to have sex, that includes sex with my wife lol, but seriously I?

Question

dont know whats the deal, she never comes to me for it, and I have tried so long going to her only to hear the word "NO" that I think we have lost it and have become some type of room mates? I mean we might do it once a month if that, but even then there is no hot and heavy it's like wham bam and then we both dont feel as tense with each other. I think it's causing stress. She also comes home from work and undresses and walks around half naked and that IS a turn on but she doesn't seem to expect me to get her, I just dont get it anymore....help!

Back ground. We ere Married now 5 yrs. Two kids 13 months and three months. She works full time I am home full time (laid off) i do 100% of the kids stuff, kinda role reversal for the time being.

Answer 1

This is normal for a couple who have been together for a while especially if they have small children. I know from experience, my husband and I have two kids. For one thing you are both tired at the end of the day, although you are "out of work", you are a full time dad. That is a full time job too! And you have two small children. Sometimes we are so focused on work, housework and kids that sex gets put on the back burner. You should be honest with your wife and let her know this bothers you. You also need to get a babysitter and take some time just for the two of you. Even if it's just a couple of hours or a cup of coffee. It is important for you to have time together without the children. My husband and I only go out for a couple of "dates" a year, but we set aside a few minutes everyday for just us. It's usually after the kids go to bed and sometimes it's not very long. Every relationship goes through a dry spell. Sometimes a little romance helps as well. Surprise your wife when she comes home from work by having a candle lit bubble bath waiting for her or leave a love note on her pillow.

Answer 2

Sit your wife down and have a serious conversation. Tell her that the relationship for you is lacking. You are in need of more sex. Three times a month is not enough for you. Tell her what it is that you need - twice a week, once a week, etc. She is important to you, your child is important to you, but you need your relationship to be more intimate with her. If she cannot give you what she needs then I suggest that you suggest going to a counselor - a marriage counselor. There are differences and they need to be addressed so that both partners are getting what they need in the marriage. If you do not do this and she continues to not be able to give you anything more than what she is giving you, then I would cheat on her. Period the end. I know it doesn't sound right and by all accounts it truly isn't. But if you can't talk about it, if you can't go to marriage counseling about it - what other choices do you have. Honestly - I think cheating is okay then!

Answer 3

Well I have gone through this. I am female and married 4 yrs with 3 kids and one on the way. sometimes it is a whole lot of things that have contributed to me not wanting to have sex.
I learned that we were not spending alot of time together and that is all apart if fourplay. Things that she may do to make you happy and the same for you all attribute to how you both feel about having sex.
If your are able to I would encourage you both to check out a LOVE AND RESPECT conference and also a WEEKEND TO REMEMBER conference in your area these are two really great helpful marriage conferences to help in subjects like these.
There are many things that both male and female don't realize about eachother and somtime need to be educated in the area even though we "think'" we know it all. Trust me I was one and found outa lot and my husband did the same and came back with a totally different perspective.
Not saying it won't take some work after but it is definatly worth it.

Answer 4

If you don't desire sex at all you might want to see a doctor and find out if there's some physical reason. Before you do anything else, though, you need to talk to each other. Sounds as if there's a lot of stress - emotional, physical and economic - that is no doubt adding to or causing this situation. Neither of you can read the others mind, and she may be feeling the same as you do! TALK!!! Then decide together where to go from there. If she walks around half naked, she might be trying to get you interested! The most important thing is to TALK TO EACH OTHER!!!

Answer 5

wow, now you know what us woman go thru when a guy comes home from work and is too tired to get layed. I think that you two should make a date once a week and get away and do something fun. Get someone you trust to take care of the kids. Sit down and have a long talk with your lady about how she turns you on by walking arouond half naked. If she isn't going to give then she needs to stay dressed. Good luck.

Answer 6

i have a two month old baby honestly after taking care of him changing diapers making bottles the general stress of it i could care less about SEX. When i start getting to where i don't want it my hubby helps out he will make up bottles b4 he goes to work or he will agree to get up with the baby for a night. It really helps our sex life when he helps. If your putting a lot on her she plain and simple has nothing left for you at the end of the day. You really need to take some stress off her it will make her more attracted to you and she'll be less stressed she might acually wanna DO IT. BABIES are so much harder to care for around the clock then men think they are. Even if you already do help you need to relize the strain of being mommy to two young kids. My hubby just took me to hustler hollywood store yesterday to buy toys that was a big turn on. You have to work at stuff sex is just not a RIGHT that comes with marriage.

Answer 7

Honestly, with kids and work, especially young kids can be completely tiring. BUT, I think that two people should always make time for each other, especially sexually. You'd be surprised how quickly you aren't tired when doing it. You guys really need to sit down and talk about this. Don't let this go on without you two knowing what's in each others' heads. Sex is very important in a marriage. Tell her how it makes you feel. See what she says. And, try not to turn it into an argument. If you can't communicate with your own wife, who can you communicate with?

Answer 8

Could it possibly be that your wife resents you for staying home while she is the one working? So by being resentful towards you she is paying you back and withholding sex?

I do give you credit for taking care of your kids while she is at work, but the tables should be turned around if she is coming home stressed at times. Hopefully you two can make that happen!

I would consider on get these two great books, one you can even get for her for Valentines Day called, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and for the both of you, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage". There has to be something that can make your wife submit to you with giving you sex. It is wrong for what she is doing, but it works both ways. If she doesn't come to you, you go to her! Try out some new ways to enhance your sex life.

Go out and get these two books at Barnes and Noble or Borders, or get them on line too!

Answer 9

Perhaps she needs a night out on the town. I can't really sympathize with you atleast you are getting it once a month or so. Try going 4.5 years without any and not even sleeping in the same room together anymore.

Answer 10

Have you tried having a romantic candle light dinner then a candle light bath together??
Or
One day when she's not expecting it without asking take her pants off and go down on her.
Not having sex can lead to divorce if nothing else works maybe you need marriage counseling