Why is my husband like this?

Question

My husband and i have been together for almost three years. He hasnt had many relationships but i have. He has very stong morals and for some reason has never agreed with mine. He thinks that its ok for him to have a problem with other men looking at me. Recently i had a problem with a guy at work, he kept making dirty jokes witch i am used to cause i work in a restaurant. This didnt bother me an i didnt see why it should be a big deal to our realtionship. My view is that two people should love and trust each other enough so that people like that dont matter, if you make them matter by having a problem then you are bringing him into your relationship. I understand his view witch is if someone is disrespecting his wife then it disrespects him but he disrespected me by going down to my work and talking to my bosses. We have never seemed to be able to resolve this issue when it comes other men. Im sick of my morals not being as important as his, and i think it should be ok to feel sexy

Answer 1

i think its not about moral, i think he is over stepping, yes he should want for you to be respected and for people to be nice to you, but at the same time if you are not making anything a big deal then i think he should not get involved. It's not that you want to feel sexy i think that you would like to be respected by him, and you should tell him taht be him not listening to what makes or not makes you feel comfortable he is the one that is not respecting you, sorry but you should not tell him anything taht goes on at work that does not bother you so you guys dont argue

Answer 2

Hmmm some things in this question are entirely clear. IF a guy at work is continually saying dirty jokes that's not cool either. Especially if your included in the joke. If you think its fine why are you even telling your husband about it if you can handle it.
Your husband might not have any problems if you didn't share what was being said. If the guy who is making jokes continues that is not right either. I mean I know in a work place things are said but it doesn't mean its always right either.
About your husband yes he should let you take care of it.
If rolls were reversed he had women doing whatever this guy at the restaurant was doing would you have issues with it. If he came home and told you what was going on would you just laugh it off too? If yes then I guess your husband is over the line in his behavior its something you two will need to work on if you want to.

Answer 3

All restaurants are like that. Do not go home and tell you husband everything. You know how jealous he is, so why would you bring it up? I'm not saying it is right, but it is there. On your day off, go out to eat where you work, that way your husband will know that there is nothing there. Also talk to your husband, explain to him that he is the only one, and that if you wanted someone else you would be with someone else. That you married him, and only him. That it is ok, if he looks at other women. All men do it. The way I have heard it, is you can look at the menu, just don't order anything. Good luck.

Answer 4

i agree to some point that your morals are important to but you should look at it from another perspective - how would you feel if he was seen to be flirting with other women at work? HUH?

he just wants his feeling to be respected - on the other hand he needs to let you live a little.

It is not ok to enjoy being seen as sexy by another man - your husband has every right to be upset!

Answer 5

I think that he doesnt know what love is. He is probably so selfish immature and insecure he is incapable of the true emotion of love, give and take and respect that its about. Why would he hassle somene about somehting you have no control over and then play like a broken record this "morality" thing over and over. Putting himself at the top and you at the bottom

Id run fast becasue those type of guys never change

Answer 6

Your husband obviously values your marriage and you a great deal. The fact that he has chosen to take the road less travelled regarding his own personal moral and ethical philosophy may be making him feel inadequate and easy to reject in favor of more provocative living which, as you imply, is closer to your own personal history. That's a mighty big obstacle to overcome. Be reassuring and sympathetic to his feelings. He obviously treasures you a great deal and is afraid of losing you.

Answer 7

This is what happens when a person marry's a control freak, co-dependent type person. Either live with this humiliation or get a divorce is the only way you are ever going to put an end to this type of treatment.

Answer 8

It is okay to feel sexy but you should only be sexy for your husband here... You both need marriage counseling and help for this marriage or it will only get worse... Are you flirting with these guys and hitting on them? Does he have a reason to be jealous?

Answer 9

Well, your husband is right. You need to respect him as he is totally respecting and caring for you, by standing up for you. He is being a true "man" by doing this. You had better smarten up and be grateful for him. There's nothing wrong with you to "feel sexy" - but just for him. You shouldn't be a kid anymore, you are a married woman and need to mature.

Answer 10

wow...ok first off he is SO INSECURE IN himself that he feels the need to have you in a glass jar with a "do not touch" sign on it 100% of the time, well seeing that he can't really do that, he gets controlling and tries to build a wall around you with people like your boss etc. Fact is, you need to DIVORCE him he will someday turn to violence to get you to do as he says when he feels his controlling ways ain't working anymore, so be aware you have been warned, leave him...they are unstable and many jealous (insecure) people have made newspaper headlines killing their spouse etc...