how much "baggage" is to much?mature answers only please?

Question

i have been dating this great guy in his 30s.hes fun,likes to do the thinds i do,caring,exellent dad,hard worker ect.the problem is hes divorced with an only child that he has 50% of the time thats really spolied and demandes my bfs attention all the time.plus his exwife is in your face, golddigger type,still calls the shots,jealous of me,and calls my bf consently for the smallest thing regarding thier son which leads into personal things about her.now add he has 20k in debt and with a huge child support payment,plus pays most of daycare and health care.should i bail or is this just what you have to deal with datting a divorced man?

Answer 1

The thing to keep in mind is that all these problems with his son and ex-wife will not go away, should you end up married or living together. As a matter of fact, they may get worse! Often a man's kid(s) will act nice to you and seem to like you - until they realize you're there to stay. Then suddenly they will have it in for you.

Same with the ex-wife. If you think she's a pain now, you haven't seen anything yet! Just wait till she realizes you're in the picture permenantly! This is a very common situation when dating a man with 'baggage'. So you've got to decide whether or not he's worth it to you. You'll have to be willing to deal with his son and ex for the rest of your life. No, the problems don't end when the kid turns 18! Will you be able to take the stress of it. What about if you and he have kids - your kids will have to do without because of the child support he pays, etc. Can you deal with that? These are the type of things you have to think about.

You might want to join these Yahoo groups, who's members can give you support and advice as they're all in your shoes:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Step-Support/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/stepmoms/

Good Luck!

Answer 2

He does have some problems to deal with.One thing you didn't mention is how long he has been divorced.If he has recently divorced then he will be in for a rough time until he can settle some of his bills.This is fairly common with newly divorced people.Also his ex wife will continue to be a pain until he sets her straight.You can fix your problem by confronting her and giving her what she really needs.Just remember to not do anything that would jeopardize your relationship with him and the child.
Ex's are so much fun aren't they.

Answer 3

I'd just say don't get attached sounds like things with his ex could rekindle. You have to decide how much your into this man. Me I'd already be gone because of his debt...you can't get home loan and start a life with a man who has that kind of debt "also if he has 50% custody there would be no child support order" when parents have equal shared time the court won't order support from one parent.

Answer 4

Hi babe....

Oh wait, you're not my wife... He He He...

Actually I was in a similar predicament that HE is in now. Very very similar. Except I have 2 kids, only had 15K in debt that she accumulated for me, jealous, demanding, blah blah blah...

Well... tell you what, you really have two choices here. You either bail, tell him that you cant deal with the drama anymore, OR you stand by him and try to help him out emotionally through a bad time. Its really up to you.

My wife stood by me when things were bad, and I still pay for everything, but so what. Its just money, kids need to be taken care of and kids of course cost mucho mucho Dollaros.

But like I said, its really up to you. Hell encourage him to get some back bone and stand up to his ex, and lay down the law to her. The worst she'll do is try to suck more $$$ out of the guy.

Now as for his son, sounds to me like he needs to be more of a dad. My kids dont act up or act spoiled at all, but thats also because I'm a strict dad. I expect good grades from them, proper manners, no screwing around at school, and most importantly... think before they act or speak. I know, it sounds harsh, I sound mean..... but guess what. No one ever has a problem with them, they are very well liked, well behaved and because they do so good, they can get just about whatever they want. But if they ever act up, and they have from time to time, I never lay a hand on them, I just make them do push-ups.

Oh yeah, sorry, I went off on a tangent there for a sec...

Look, its up to you on what you wanna do about this really. You either bail or stick by him. Its your call.

Answer 5

Alot of men in their 30's are going to have baggage. A guy with a child is a tough one. But a lot of debt because of an X or child support will put stress on your fiances reguardless of anything else.
ITs really up to you if you want to bail. But once someone has a child with someone they are kind of bond to that person if they choose to be.

Answer 6

It just depends on what type of life you want to live things will not get better I,m sure he is a great guy and everything but is that enough I would say run and don,t look back tell him straight up this is not working for you just because he messed up does not mean that you have to clean it up use you head

Answer 7

Run very, very fast away from this guy, he's so tied up with his responsibilities he'll never have sufficient time or money for you. This is what happens when people (mostly men) end up divorced they are buried in debt and childsupport and are basically penniless until child support ends. Move on and find someone else.

Answer 8

Welcome to the wonderful world of dating somone with a ready made family. What youre describing is pretty much the average in this area. unless he is willing to stand up against her and tells her hes had enough, this is probably about as good as its going to get.. Due to the child, he has to remain pretty much as good as friends as he can to prevent further problems but here shes going overboard and hes letting it happen. He probably does really want a new life with you but the strings of his past life are strong and he cant break them. So it comes down to how much can you and are you willing to put up with to have a life with this guy? Theres nothing you can do here to help him except possibly wait til he backs her off some. Good luck

Answer 9

SOUNDS TO ME LIKE YOU'VE ALREADY KIND OF MADE UP YOUR MIND. LOOK, I DON'T THINK ANYBODY WOULD BLAME YOU FOR BAILING. THIS GUY SHOULD LOOK AT IT AS A LEARNING OPPORTUNITY ALSO. HOPEFULLY HE'LL LEARN THAT HIS PRIVATE LIFE IS HIS OWN AND MAYBE HE'LL GROW SOME BALLS ENOUGH TO TELL HIS EX-WIFE THAT SHE DOESN'T DOMINATE HIS TIME ANY MORE.

BUT YOU SHOULD ALSO LEARN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE AS WELL. AND THAT SHOULD BE THAT NOBODY IS PERFECT AND IF YOU REALLY LOVE SOMEONE, YOU OVERLOOK SOME THINGS IN THEIR LIFE. WHAT YOU HAVE TO DECIDE IS IF THESE THINGS THAT BOTHER YOU NOW ARE THINGS YOU CAN DEAL WITH DOWN THE LINE.

Answer 10

Personally would run the other way. But it really depends on how much you want to deal with. Is he really that great? What is sooo special about him that you would think he is worth all the drama? Just some food for thought. Good luck.