i get angry and mad and cry and i still love him and we have done went through counseling and of course he chose his job over his family mr detective, but my problem is i dont know how to put it behind me and go on ,,i have a daughter and i stay busy with her but i sometimes get jealous inside of myself bc she misses him and i feel like she loves him more than me when hes the one who left me and i know its ridicoulous to feel that way but i am just having all these stupid feelings . someone help me understand myself i have never been through this before.
2007-02-05 11:38:49 · 11 answers · asked by katie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The first thing you should do is take a deep breath and realize that it has only been three weeks since this has happened. Of course you are having stupid, confused or negative feelings. You were just dealt an incredible blow that uprooted your life and is forcing you to rethink your entire direction. It is absolutely normal to feel like you do.
Remind yourself constantly that your daughter loves you both equally. Her talking about her dad or missing him has absolutely nothing to do with her love for you and never will. She knows that you are the one who takes care of her everyday and when she is older and re-examines the situatioin, you being there will mean even more to her.
The second thing to do is to put one foot in front of the other and start moving forward with your life. Don't make any major decisions yet, deal with the smaller ones. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to be the perfect parent...no one is! Don't blame yourself for your husband leaving, he left because of an internal conflict he was having that most likely had nothing to do with you. If you need to cry, find a place you can be alone for a few minutes and cry.
It may also be a good idea to continue conseling alone as a way to help you deal with your negative feelings. If you don't express your anger, it can turn into a depression, which can be more difficult to cope with. Keep a journal and record your feelings as another way of getting them out.
You could have these feelings to various degrees for several months but don't feel bad...you are human! Most importantly, remind yourself of what a good, kind, caring person you are. Good luck to you!
2007-02-05 11:56:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So he chose his job over his family.....how else was he able to support you if he didn't work?
I think there is two sides to this story then what you are saying here. It takes two to tangle. I think you are being selfish with saying that your daughter loves your husband better than you. That is so childish of you to feel like that towards your own daughter.
You may want to consider on reading two great books called, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands", and "The Proper Care of Feeding of Marriage". Don't make your daughter suffer because of your and your husbands problems. Instead of having stupid feelings, find a way to get him back, if you say you love him.
Because you might have kicked a good husband out for the wrong reasons.
2007-02-05 11:50:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Three weeks is such a short time, especially to jump to conclusion. Your daughter loves you both equally, sometimes children just prefer living w/one parent over the other, doesn't mean she loves you (or him) any less. You need to seek counseling and vent some of your concerns, it will help how you feel tremendously. Your insecurities, feelings of jealousy are normal but sometimes if they seem very extreme, you may have a chemical imbalance and need to be on some sort of medication. Please see a physician, start from there. Good luck
2007-02-05 11:45:50 · answer #3 · answered by nanny4hap 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need counseling and help for what you are feeling. You may also want to see your doctor for depression feelings. This will take you time and you need to heal... Things will get better for you over time believe it or not..... I know that you dont feel this right now but trust me it WILL get better. There is a light at the end of this tunnel. Find a friend to talk to and i am here if you need someone to talk with as well... Here comes lots of hugs to you today and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
2007-02-05 11:47:50 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this must be a very tough time for you. i'm not married. but just hear me out on this one. putting it behind u and going on is not very easy. but try doing little things at one time. don't expect to forget him tomorrow and lead a quite different life because that's not true. 13 years is 13 years. we can even remember what happened in our childhood. so here goes: try to get up from bed without feeling remorse. cook breakfast. if u want, even put the radio on. then, do something what u love. shop, knit, garden, read, write... whatever that u love to do. because unless u find urself happy and content about little things and feeling good of urself, ur daughter will find living with u and doing things with u is fun and better than pining for the return of ur husband. if she misses him, that's natural because he is her father. she does not love u any less. children are quite adaptable, contrary to what grown ups think!
2007-02-05 11:55:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It a very hard thing to do, go on with your life after spending 13 years with someone and sharing a child together..
It will get better as time goes on, You have to accept it if you know you'll never get back together..Its hard i know..As for your daughter missing her Dad, I am sure she does she went to seeing him everyday to now maybe a few times a week,I am sure its a very upsetting to her to know her parents are getting divorced..Kids goes thru heck emotionally with a divorce..
Just be there for your daughter and help her thru this, Hopefully she'll help you heal from this also..
You'll feel like your on a emotionally rollercoater for a bit, But it will get better as time passes..
I honestly with you the best and your daughter
Good Luck
2007-02-05 11:58:26 · answer #6 · answered by Shem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep yourself occupied as much as possible, do things for yourself as much as possible, make you week busy, and this will help. The more time you sit idle and think about things, the more you get depressed, right? Go to counseling by yourself, join different activities, spend as much time being busy is my advice. It will get better over time I assure you, make him regret ever leaving you!
2007-02-05 12:05:34 · answer #7 · answered by St.Jeb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a guy, I even ought to say, no, do no longer supply him a present, except you imagine there's a replace of having again mutually. in spite of in case you care about him and opt to stay to inform the tale sturdy words, giving him a present will be interpretted as an threat. this is basically how men imagine. no longer giving him a present, exceptionally this quickly after the damage-up reinforces the separation between you.
2016-10-17 05:34:20 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know divorce is tough. You havee already tried consoling and that didn't work. He must have been very unhappy. With him being unhappy life at home couldn't have been that great. Keep yourself busy and get out there and find his replacement in your heart, bed and life. You'll stop pining for him when u do!
2007-02-05 12:36:58 · answer #9 · answered by dan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its ruff to let go im seprated but i keep hoping things will change it has to get better or worse
2007-02-09 07:23:09 · answer #10 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋