My boyfriend and I will be living together soon and he has a son who is almost 7. His son knows me pretty well, but I'm concerned about him and how he will adjust to this new situation. Any suggestions on how to make the transition smooth? We also think his mother might be telling him things about his father and I in an effort to pull him away from us...
2007-02-05 11:16:28 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Take it slowly and tread lightly. Don't come on too strong at first, don't try to 'mother' him too much. He already has a mother, who will very much resent you. Let the boy spend some time doing things with his father, while you stay in the background. That way he won't feel like you're taking his dad away from him.
Chances are his mother may very well be trying to turn him against you already. Once you've moved in, she may also use her son as a spy to report every move you're making, so be prepared.
You might want to join these two Yahoo groups, who's members can give you advice and support as they're all in the same situation as you:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/stepmoms/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Step-Support/
Good Luck!
2007-02-05 15:00:02 · answer #1 · answered by Ruby V 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, I can honestly say "been there - done that"! Except he had a daughter who was nine. The mother was definitely saying bad things about us.
My suggestion is to love the little boy like he is your own. If you and his dad make a family for him at your house, treat him like he is your own, he will love you - no matter what is mom says. Your actions will speak louder that her words!
Bottom line, you be the person you should be regardless of what the mother does, you will end up much better off. And your boyfriend will love you even more for it!
My step-daughter ended up moving to our house when she was about 13, and has never wanted to go back. I really feel it is because we NEVER said anything bad about her mom and we love her so much.
2007-02-05 11:23:31 · answer #2 · answered by lady_blu_iz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have two sons and two step sons and one new son with my new husband. So we each have two stepsons and we have learned (like everyone else said) DONT talk bad about the other parent, DONT say ANYTHING to the child you dont want her to find out, and ABOVE ALL act NORMAL. If the child remembers anything at all about the time spent with you, it will be that your home is normal and if anything is unusual in his life, it will be with the other parent not you. And dont forget, treat him like he is your own but leave the major discipline to his father.
2007-02-05 11:32:22 · answer #3 · answered by Tink 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't force him into "accepting" it. Understand that it may take time to adjust to this, and that even your best efforts may not prove useful very quickly.
Imagine being in love with someone, breaking up, and then having to keep living with them while they date other people. It's really not THAT different for children. Patience is paramount.
2007-02-05 11:21:12 · answer #4 · answered by Buying is Voting 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be nice to the child; he has alot to adjust too!
Don't say anything that you don't want his mother to know and never ever let him hear you speak bad of his mother...He'll respect you later for that!
Good Luck to you!
2007-02-05 11:21:15 · answer #5 · answered by Lucky 7 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just love him, be good to him, show him attention, affection, and understanding. he's still so very young. and if his mother is trying to poison his mind against you and his dad just remember, that's not his fault. children believe what they're told, and the best way to counter the garbage she's putting in his head, is to prove her wrong. love this little boy unconditionally and I assure you he will grow to trust, respect, and love you. and remember, never say a harsh word about his mother in front of him.
Best Wishes.
2007-02-05 11:28:49 · answer #6 · answered by atiana 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Show him lots of love and treat him as your own.If he says things his mom has told him...explain the truth to him and NEVER say anything bad about his birth mother..( he will find out the truth soon enough ) and don't let him play sides. GOOD LUCK...
2007-02-05 11:22:04 · answer #7 · answered by Dixie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a step child.... prepare for hell. Oh they'll blame stuff on you they'll act innocent ANYTHING... but then again they might like ya so ya never know
2007-02-05 11:19:41 · answer #8 · answered by apbudge 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My parentsdivorced when i was seven years old. of course the kid will be mad and try to act somewhat hostile. just dont let down your guard. i used to pretend i hated my stepmom just because she wasnt my mom. but one day she helped me to find something i really loved to do and was really good at. and now we are pretty close. just try to find something you like to do and try to find a way to incorperate him into it. i hope this helps.
2007-02-05 11:25:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋