What responsibilies and rights does a homemaker have?

Question

First, our background. My boyfriend and I have been living together for 2 years, and about a year ago he started earning enough for me to be a homemaker. My day is usually spent cleaning dishes, picking up items, vacuuming and cleaning when necessary. I don't have dinner ready when he gets home because he won't know until the last second if he's coming home after work. I get frustrated when I can't sit for a period of time because he wants a drink or snack - partially because they're so specific (example: for PB toast, the bread must be toasted 1 1/2 times and PB applied immediately so it's melted). Should I be expected to clean up after his friends? What about pay for cleaning supplies? What rights should I have? A lot of arguments end with him bringing up that I have more free time. If I want to watch TV when he's home, he says I can watch TV all day when he's gone. If I don't want his friends over past midnight, he says I have all day to sleep. Is there a happy medium?

I think I should also mention that I supported him while he looked for a job, and he didn't do the tasks he wants me to do. We even had a dishwasher at the time and he wouldn't load it until I told him to. I know I don't do 8 hours of work per day, but he really belittles my tasks for a guy that didn't do them himself.

I mean rights in the sense of how I should be morally treated. I'm not planning on suing him :)

Answer 1

In all honesty, if you're not married with kids OR you're not too old, I WOULD NOT STOP WORKING!!! even with him making enough money. The sad truth is that when one partner works and the other doesn't, the one that works starts to loose respect for the unemployed after a while. I've been through this myself, an independant working woman is much more respected than a homemaker, unless as I said you have kids or you're too old to be working.
Why don't you think of doing something part time, that way you have your dignity, and also make some savings for yourself as you guys are ONLY dating and he can leave you at any time without you having any rights. Guess what? if he leaves and you try to find a job, the gap between your employment will look really bad on your resume and you can't be blaming him for that.

PS: I feel for you and he really shouldn't treat you this way, but as you are living off of his money(him taking care of you) you have to put up with his Sh it(you take care of him)!
I am very particular about the way my food is prepared so I can see how he'd want somethings done a certain way. You have given him this power by making yourself dependant on his income... and if I were a homemaker and my BF suppoting me, yes, I would cook for him and keep the house clean using the money he sets aside for home expenses.... I don't know why he'd have his friends over that late as he's a "working man"... you should tell him as a devoted gf you're willing to tke care of his personal needs to a resonable extent, BUT this is your residence as well regardless of your working status, and his friends are not welcome (just as you don't do that to him) in unreasonable times.

Answer 2

You didn't mention children, and you're not married to this jerk (thank goodness) so why are you staying at home during the day? I'd be bored silly!!! Get a job and you and he will both be earning money, and you can divide up the household responsibilities between you two. I honestly cannot see how there would be enough to do during the day to keep you busy if you don't have children.

2nd of all, just because you are a homemaker, does NOT mean you are his slave/waitress, etc. He does NOT have the right to place orders, like you're a waitress, and have them instantly filled. If his work schedule means that he doesn't have a set time he's home at night, then do what I did with my husband. I told him that I had to know no later than 5 pm if he wanted dinner that night, if he did, then I would have it, if not, then I didn't care if he walked in the door at 5:30, he wouldn't have dinner--we could go out to eat, but I wasn't cooking that night. If your boyfriend wants his PB toast prepared a certain way, then he can do it himself, again, you're not a short order cook! If you're not working and earning money, OF COURSE he has to pay for cleaning supplies, etc., how in the world will you pay for them? Go down and donate plasma????

You guys need to have a long talk about this one. He sounds like he's getting everything he wants, and you're getting nothing you want. Not good, compromise is a key element of any relationship. But I think your biggest problem is too much free time, get a job, you'll feel better. Good luck!

Answer 3

Girlfriend, get back into the "work" world. Get your independence back. What do you do ALL day, you have no children,no pets,no plants. No wonder this guy is all over you when he gets home. Get out, do something for Yourself, and I most certainly recommend that you get back into the work world, if nothing else, volunteer at a worthy organization and help others, who will most certainly be grateful for your company and toast and PB, even if the PB isn't melted! You don't sound very happy, so go out into the world and get happy. This b/f isn't doing it for you so do it for yourself. With a little less of you around, he will appreciate you a whole lot more when you are home. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Oooohhhh this guy needs an attitude adjustment, and bad!!! First of all, if he makes enough for you to stay home, that just means that you are working at home for FREE while he is working outside of home for PAY. When he comes home, his workday is over. He is expecting you to be working 24/7 and that is unreasonable. He is not taking into account that housework and laundry and shopping for groceries and other tasks associated with keeping up a home ARE a full-time job. If you have kids, then you are working a 24/7 job. Your boyfriend is being a male chauvenist, especially considering that you supported him while he actually DID sit around and do nothing when he wasn't working outside the home. He is being unreasonable because he expects you to have the house and "chores" done and dinner ready for him when he comes home, but he is also claiming that during the day when you would be doing that, you are free to watch t.v. Did it occur to him that women are not slaves? You are not to be at his beck and call for him or his friends. He is a big boy. Let him get his own toast that is toasted just right with the peanut butter melted just so. This guy is taking you for granted and taking advantage of you. He is belittling you and trying to make you feel small. He is minimizing what you do during the day and making himself to be more important, and his needs and desires more important than your own. You have just as much right to watch tv as he does - shows you could watch at night are not ON in the daytime. He's being an idiot. People who truly love and care about each other don't treat each other that way. I know you are not working right now, but I think you should look for work during the day when he is at work, and then move out when you get on your feet. Why would you want to stay with a guy who treats you this way? You deserve WAY better than that. I'm sorry, but I think this guy is a loser. Anyone who has to belittle someone else and treat them like a slave and then doesn't have the decency to realize that he is doing that when the person tells him how it makes them feel, is a loser, and you deserve to be with a winner. Oh - and anyone who has you waiting on him and his friends and denies you the right to tv while they are watching tv is just throwing around his power to be a bully, in front of his friends. He's saying to his friends "I can get sex any time I want, and I don't have to cook or clean - that is her job, and when I come home, I can expect her to wait on me and my friends, because hey, that's her job". Don't you get it? He is using and abusing you. He is so insecure with his manhood that he has to make a woman feel small so that he feels more like a man. That is SO dark ages. Just my opinion.

Answer 5

Any man who thinks he can tell you how to toast his bread and spread the pb is an idiot in my opinion. Make him do it himself! Stop waiting on him hand and foot. You don't owe him anything! Do you have any kids? If not, I would consider getting a job. You're not married. You should have income of your own, don't be dependent on him for everything. Every woman should have enough money of her own to be able to move out on her own if need be. If you want to watch TV, then watch TV. He's not your boss. There should be a happy medium, sounds like he doesn't want there to be.

Answer 6

You should 'dump him' even though that means you'd have go move out and get a job again. He is 'using you' as his 'slave' because he 'makes all the money' but he wasn't your 'slave' when you made all the money ... so I'm afraid that for you the only 'happy medium' is to break up with him, now, before he starts 'Hitting you' or 'verbally abusing you' any more than he's done already.

Answer 7

He's not open to communicate, you two could use a referee. Go to counseling together (or alone if he won't go), where there's a safe arena to bring up the issues. You can find out how negotiating, giving and taking can work for both your benefits. Good luck.

Answer 8

Well legally you have no rights he could leave today and you would have nothing not even a job to fall back on i suggest you go and look for a job and move out because it sounds to me that you are screwed if he left and i would not take that shi* from my husbands friends i don't have to and i won't .

Answer 9

you have the right to dump his ***.....