What do you think of my poem?

Question

Something just stops.
Swirls of darkness on a midnight plain.
Silence.
The unknown rotates, grows, breathes.
It is just us.
Stuck to this tiny marble,
Super gravity glue,
In a dizzying double spin.
The grass tickles my face,
Crackles under your back.
You laugh,
This huge, unearthly laugh.
Impossibly happy.
The firey brushstrokes of stars smile and nod.
I look to you.
You sigh.
And your laugh mingles into the moon.

Answer 1

Its really cool. Its a poet's poem. Most people won't understand it and will think it sucks, but its actually very good. There are a few words that i would switch a synonym for, but its REALLY good!

Answer 2

It doesn't have to make sense to everyone, that's the beauty of poetry as opposed to prose. It speaks to everyone differently. I like it, it makes me think of summers I've spent with friends and lovers lying under the moon feeling so insignificant as I look at the stars, and then the mood is changed by a laugh. I really like it!

Answer 3

I agree and then I disagree. I had a poetry class and it had alot of poems like yours that made no sence like yours. When writing a poem you don't write what you want. Like writing down random words to for a poem is not the way to go. You have to the first 3 lines are good but fix it. And Always--always give your poems titles. Now if I had written it...it would something like this:


"In The Depths Of the World

Something just stops.
Swirls of darkness on a midnight plain.
Silence.
I don't know where I am...
Or who you are
I'm in this place
A strange pale indeed
It reminds me of something, that I cannot place.
I hear laughter adn noises
It appears to be a sunny day
With Happyness gliming along the way
I want to go....but what about my choices?
I turn around and it's gotten cold.
Where I am or who you are....
I don't ?
It's dark
I see a foul gray sky with black bird calling
Never More in my ear.
There stand a black willow tree
With black branches and black trees
I look to my left
I look to my right
Now I'm surrounded by the brightness of light
Where am I?
I want to know who you be?
I close my eye at the sight of dead baby doll eyes
How do I exist, says a voice.
By my ability to think is how I exist.
I open my eyes and sees the comfort of my room
In the late night hours
I only got to sleep 2 hours
I think of what I saw
I don't know what it was or where it could be....
And then I hear a voice inside of me.....
Never More--I don't know where I am
I don't know who you are
But the worlds depths has come for thee.



And if you get writer's block let it alone. Within one year's span you'll have the words for that poem.

Answer 4

I like your poem. Think you know how to make good use of the
poetic language and symbolism's

Answer 5

hmm i think its good..but confusing..so far im guessing ur outside laying down under the stars, and laughing with a girl...imma right????

Answer 6

Its great from poet to another poet. I see symbolism and personification. It has poem qualities great :)

Answer 7

very, very good! Images impaled upon images - I like this!

You show much promise.....keep writing!

Answer 8

It is great, you should make more poems

Answer 9

I like your poem.

Answer 10

nice!