how can i be more comforting?

Question

what i mean is that when there r hardships in life..i become very realistic and practicle but not really optomistic...what i mean by being realistic is that i can not say comforting words when i know things aren't going to be ok...then how can i help my husband by comforting him what words can i use to say other than "i told you so" or "i knew this would happen" which is obviously not so comforting when some one is tensed in this case both of us are worried abt sum issue? when i become worried i just forget the good side of sumthing if there will ever be

Answer 1

I'm the same way... Step one - being that you're aware of the tendency, watch yourself. Break the habit of saying "I told you so"; if you need to - just be silent, but don't say it. I found it's better to say simply "I'm sorry this has happened", and perhaps say something like "Next time, maybe we could try ". I'm totally not good at saying things people "want to hear", and luckily my husband doesn't expect it from me. He knows that if he comes to me for advice, he will get the truth. But it is possible to resist the urge to "nag" and to act all-knowing. When I feel I'm going to say "I told you so", I just shut up.

Answer 2

Reading your question, I wonder if you might be clinically depressed and just not know it yet: you refer to yourself as practical and realistic, but then say you can't be optimistic (and you mention that you use "I told you so" or "I knew this would happen" to deal with stress and the bad stuff that happens to you). Tension and stress happen, but they also make your existing emotions more intense. As long as you have your health and your partner, you really will get through any other hardship -- you have to make yourself look for the bright side or the light at the end of the tunnel, and should consider talking to your doctor about whether you might suffer from depression.

Good luck! Keep focused on the future!!

Answer 3

You know what? No matter what happens in this life, we all end up "ok" in the long run, down the road. Sometimes we're weathered, battered, burned, and flat ready to throw in the towel, but somehow there always comes an end to that particular delimma. I say to my husband, all the time, not HOW a situation will or won't turn out...but I say to him, "Don't fret so much. Somehow, whatever happens, we'll all be ok." And I believe it. As long as I have my health, a roof over my head, and someone to love me, I'm gonna be at least "ok". We all are. Tell him that.

Answer 4

I think it is easy to be pessimistic about worrisome things. That way, when things go wrong, you can at least be right. For some people that is comforting. The thing is, by being negative you are doing nothing to help the situation. One way of comforting your husband and yourself is to say, "no matter what happens, we still have each other". Or, "we can get through this together, we've gotten through worse things". It won't help your marriage at all to continue telling him "i told you so". Trust me.

Answer 5

Can you just say, "I'm sorry this is happening" or just don't say anything and hold him, or maybe cook a nice dinner.

Answer 6

Put yourself in there place and think what you would want people to say to you.

Answer 7

We'll get thru this together