I've been married for 8yrs, moved away from home for 3yrs and now I'm back to take care of my sick dad. My husband agreed to us all living together and we even purchased a new home together for more private space. Now my husband doesn't want to live here and he wants me to move with him. I don't want to leave my sick dad behind, and I know that dad won't move with me. He's not married so there's no one else here with him. My husband doesn't understand how upset I was when dad passed out one morning, to see my dad so helpless all I could do was hold him in my arms and wait for the paramedics. I knew then I needed be here with him to care for him. I can't get the sound of him hitting the floor out of my head. I don't want my husband to leave me, but I don't want to leave my dad. We're also discussing divorce for other problems along with this. We separated last year, got pregnant and gave it another try. I don't want him here if he doesn't want to be here, I need some good advice.
2007-02-05 10:07:35 · 12 answers · asked by kimkim 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He's ALREADY gone, he just hasn't walked out the door yet! Stay there and care for your Dad. If your "husband" wants to leave, help him pack!!
2007-02-05 10:12:16 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋
For a man of 20 years old, you sound suspiciously like my son used to sound when he was 5 years old. I suggest that since you are calling yourself a "man", you move out and find your own place and start supporting yourself. If you still need your parents to support you, then you are not yet an independent man and your opinions don't count. Go ahead and try to find a woman who will put up with your obnoxious behavior, as you claim you'll be a tyrant around the house. After several lonely years, you may get a new and fresh view of your importance in the world.
2016-03-29 06:37:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you leave your Dad, you will regret it the rest of your life. What is the real reason for your husband wanting to move? Is it to get away from Dad? It can be depressing have an elderly person living in the same house. Can you get someone to help you out with your Dad, so that the both of you don't have such a burden?
I feel that your husband should be supporting you and not forcing you to make a decision between him and you.
2007-02-05 10:18:19 · answer #3 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Whoa, I think you're a hero for taking care of your dad. Not a lot of people have guts and committment to do it. I think, your husband uses it as an excuse to facilitate a break-up. Yes, it's hard to not have your wife "all to yourself"; but this is one of the things marriage is about - supporting your partner. I come from a culture where children take care of their parents, it would be unthinkable to do otherwise. My grandmother died at home, with my mom caring for her 24/7 for many months (my mom did not leave the house at all for 2 months straight). I'm sure my dad would have rather not have to deal with this, but there was not even a question of what to do. He stuck around and helped my mom with what he could. I swore to myself that if the time comes for me to care for my parents, I will have to step up to the plate no matter what. I'd have to say, if my husband couldn't understand of support my committment, I wouldn't want to stay with the man anyway. Do what you feel is right in your situation. I think, your husband deserves to be kicked to the curb.
2007-02-05 10:25:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is unreasonable of your husband to expect you to abandon your father. You gave plenty of information, but did your husband offer alternatives like nursing care in the home you purchased or in a respectable nursing home? Are these options you don't want to consider?
Your marriage is stressed by the care of your elderly father along with other problems. This is a difficult time. However, counseling can help you both gain understanding and perspective on the issue. I encourage you to get it. Go alone if your husband won't go. Your place is with your husband if you want to maintain the marriage and there is a child to consider also. However, your husband also needs to be able to compromise. Try counseling.
2007-02-05 10:23:24 · answer #5 · answered by amazingly intelligent 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You are doing a caring and wonderful thing for your father. Remember, he was there when you were helpless and he needs you now. If you husband is insensitive enough to try to make you choose, then you will better off without him. I seldom want divorce to be the answer, but he is asking you to make a decision that you shouldn't have to make. If you left your father you would never forgive yourself and he has to know that. Stay with your father and let you husband do what he feels is best for himself.
2007-02-05 10:18:43 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Your husband sounds like a very self-centered a sshole. Putting you in such a position and having you choose whether to stay or move with him.
I wouldn't go with your husband if i were you. I'd stay put and have him pack his sh*it and move out immediately. I'd file for divorce and nail his butt with alimony and childsupport so high he would choke on it.
I've had to deal with this same situation going on 5 years, with my wife's parents and a step-parent. She and I have been caring for them over this period of time and this past saturday we buried the last of the three of them.
Although they are gone now, we still have ton's of stuff to do with their two separate houses and all their belongings, wife is an only child.
Believe me it's been difficult for me to stand by her through all of this but if i don't no one else would. She has a step brother but he's been worthless from the start. All he wants is money from the estates, trouble is he was cut out of the wills long ago. He won't get a red cent.
It's taken a huge toll on our relationship.
I've supported her in all this and did everything asked of me, your husband should do the same. If he won't he's not worth keeping.
2007-02-05 10:24:55 · answer #7 · answered by michael_trussell 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Here is not the best place to get the help you need. There are a lot of young teens early 20's people on here who don't have enough life experience to be answering hard questions. Me myself i've been in a bad long relationship but it was my sick brother "not father" that came between us. I did leave a 8 year relationship Partly because he was not accepting of me caring for my sick brother. It came down to I KNEW men come and go but my brother was never not going to be my family my loyality was with family. In the end it was better to let the man go because besides him trying to keep my brother away he was controling in other ways the relationship was unhealthy. No one has the right to ask you to walk out on your sick father.
2007-02-05 10:17:08 · answer #8 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Sweety I know you are going through hard times but i'm going to give it to you straight up. Why do you want to be with a man who doesn't want to be there for you and your family. He's being really selfish and I wouldn't dare leave my parents knowing that they need me. Stay there and take care of your father because you only have one. Divorce your husband because men come a dime a dozen.
2007-02-05 10:29:08 · answer #9 · answered by step b 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You need to have your husband move in with you and your dad. Or Bring your sick dad home to live with you. You need to have your dad move with you and your husband.
2007-02-05 10:15:00 · answer #10 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋